Hi Folks last night I was looking through some old Photo's with the Wife and she picked up one photo and said "That's the handsome Man that I loved and married and You KILLED him " . At first I was stunned and did not know how to respond at least it was not said in anger only sorrow. but thinking about it it was an acknowledgement that I am a different person to the one I was and she actually see's me as not her "Husband " but I do miss the intimacy we used to have as she said I do not fancy you now I still am into Men not Woman . Strangely My tastes are changing I can now see the attraction of a good looking Man something I would never have seen before. I am so lucky that She is still with Me as she see's me as the Woman that Killed her Husband  I still love her Just as much nothing has changed for Me .But it seems that it has for Her

I get the same reaction from my ex periodically.

To me it shows how much stock we all place in appearances. The person I am inside, my experiences, loves and peeves haven't changed. How I present myself to the world has, in a big way, causing those around me to perceive the male me as being "gone".

It profoundly bothers me when someone says something like that. It means they're seeing me on a superficial level and not the person I am inside.

So true and as result they see our past selves as dead because well your not him.

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 16, 2016, 06:39:56 AM
I get the same reaction from my ex periodically.

To me it shows how much stock we all place in appearances. The person I am inside, my experiences, loves and peeves haven't changed. How I present myself to the world has, in a big way, causing those around me to perceive the male me as being "gone".

It profoundly bothers me when someone says something like that. It means they're seeing me on a superficial level and not the person I am inside.

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 16, 2016, 06:39:56 AM
I get the same reaction from my ex periodically.

To me it shows how much stock we all place in appearances. The person I am inside, my experiences, loves and peeves haven't changed. How I present myself to the world has, in a big way, causing those around me to perceive the male me as being "gone".

It profoundly bothers me when someone says something like that. It means they're seeing me on a superficial level and not the person I am inside.

The most amazing thing too is that people can know someone for so long and in what we think is such an intimate level, but in reality they only know on a superficial level. I have heard a few people though not my ex-wife express sentiments that I have "changed so much" but, in reality hormones really got rid of depression and anger, but they didn't really fundamentally change things that I liked to do for example. If anything I am a more pleasant and more reasonable person to be around.

The one that gets me though, are when I say the same things I used to and I am no longer "taking charge of the situation" I am "being a real B***". It is really amazing how much superficial appearances really do shape the perceptions of those who look at us.