When I turned 50 a few years ago, I did a lot of thinking about my life so far and my life going forward.

While transitioning to a woman full-time isn't a goal for me, there were certainly things I had always wanted to do as a woman that I either lacked the courage or the opportunity to experience.

Here was the list.

Go to the movies.
Go see live music.
Eat at a nice restaurant.
Get my hair, makeup, brows, and nails done at a salon.
Take a vacation (including flying, checking into a hotel, renting a car).

I'd been carrying around this list for way too long, so I decided it was time to do it.

I've managed to get through the list several times now, and it's been an absolute joy.

More importantly, it's been enlightening to realize that the only one stopping me from doing these things earlier was me (although I did need to get smarter about finances to pay for it).

That enlightenment was the best part of the whole endeavor.

Hugs,
Christine

Christine,
    I love the list idea! So glad you are doing the things you love. It is crazy how we paralyze ourselves with fear. It's so easy to say you should just be yourself. Everyone says it! Sometimes it ain't so easy. Congrats to you!
Moni

Life is meaningless without setting goals, then accomplishing them. Way to go Christine!

Hi Christine,

I can relate to being our own worst enemy sometimes.  It has taken me a long time to make small changes in my life.

I did have one question, though.  The last item in your list.  How did you manage to do this without ID that says you are female? Did anyone say anything?

With kindness,

Terri

Terri,

First, you are right. The ID thing was pretty daunting.

For a hotel or rental car, it was just a matter of acting like its no big deal that my ID has an M rather than an F - and that the photo has a beard  .   I took steps not long ago to have a more neutral photo on my DL to make future excursions easier, but I haven't had a chance to use the new ID.

Flying was way more stressful for a few reasons. 

For one, there's the worry about TSA. I did a lot of research (go look up flying pretty), and just presented my ID like it was no big deal. For the flight out, I was dressed a bit more neutral than I normally do. For the flight home, I went for broke and wore and great new outfit I picked up. On the return flight, the X-ray detector triggered something and a female TSA agent came over and scanned the offending area again and I was on my way.

My bigger concern with flying was losing the ability to flee if I was harassed or recognized. Once you commit to doing this, you have to see it through to the end. Especially once you board the plane itself.

Once I decided I wanted to have the experience rather than the regret and longing of NOT having it, it was actually pretty easy.

Christine, your story reminds me of the first time I went flying as female, but mine had an odd twist.

I was an airline captain (hard to believe, I know). The only airline that served my destination non-stop was (ta-da) the airline that employed me. At that point only a few of my co-workers were aware of my trans-status. On the fateful day I packed my bag, drove to the airport, then got on the bus that would take me from the parking lot to the departure terminal. When fellow crew members boarded the bus as anticipated, I had reading material to bury my face in hoping I wouldn't be recognized. No problems.

In the days before TSA there was still security, but no ID check. After my bag was scanned I went straight to the gate, filled out my 'non-rev' form, and presented it to the agent, who didn't bat an eye. I received my boarding pass then got on the airplane when the flight was called. I knew in advance a flight attendant who was a friend was working the flight. She recognized me immediately, smiled, and put me in the front row. At the conclusion of cabin service she grabbed the open seat next to me and we chatted during her non-busy time. When we got to the arrival gate I deplaned, then made my way outside where the friend I was going to visit picked me up.

This happened almost twenty-five years ago and it all sounds so, so easy. The reality is my heart was in my throat from the parking lot until I was in my seat in the cabin. So much could have gone wrong that didn't, and I don't know why. I had a lovely visit. I remember absolutely nothing about the return flight; it must have been uneventful.

I can't even imagine the terror you must have felt as you approached your first TSA agent. By now they must have seen most variations in the human condition, and might have even been trained to deal with us appropriately; but you didn't know that. I'm impressed you had the courage to do what you wanted, then decided to do it again and again. There's a lesson in all of this—do stupid stuff, it will probably work out better than you thought it would.