Does anyone have any good tips on passing in a small area where a lot of people already know you? I'm sure my answer is probably going to be one I'm not going to like which is basically move away and ditch where I live. But I guess I'm attempting all I can before I give up on trying to make it work when it comes to passing in the area I live. I'm a Male/agender and i already look like the part have the clothing and still get called "She"

Quote from: Midnightstar on April 02, 2016, 10:03:56 AM
Does anyone have any good tips on passing in a small area where a lot of people already know you? I'm sure my answer is probably going to be one I'm not going to like which is basically move away and ditch where I live.

Gawd, no. Don't move away. Don't let shame and fear drive you out of the place where you want to live.

Be whatever sort of guy you are. Be proud of that. Hold your head high. No one has a right to tell you what you need to look like. Don't tolerate disrespect in any form.

You are trans. That is something to be proud of, not something to run away from.

It takes time and constant correction. It took years to get my mom corrected and then after around 35 years she drops my old name. Back to the drawing board.

Quote from: Dena on April 02, 2016, 10:14:39 AM
It takes time and constant correction. It took years to get my mom corrected and then after around 35 years she drops my old name. Back to the drawing board.

its not really my mother as much as it is the entire place
but yeah, i don't know it sure isn't easy but ill figure it out.

Quote from: suzifrommd on April 02, 2016, 10:10:18 AM

Gawd, no. Don't move away. Don't let shame and fear drive you out of the place where you want to live.

Be whatever sort of guy you are. Be proud of that. Hold your head high. No one has a right to tell you what you need to look like. Don't tolerate disrespect in any form.

You are trans. That is something to be proud of, not something to run away from.

Oh, there not driving me out i want to move someday i just don't have the cash so i said i wouldn't like it basically if i had to move. but i'm proud its just i dont know what else to do to pass and it sucks.
but thank you

I live in a smallish town so I kinda stick out from how other people look. I just try to walk in a masculine way and glare if I have to to make sure no one messes with me. I'm very conscious of doing this when I have to walk past a group of guys. I also sometimes force myself to stand up straighter if need be; although I hate doing that because I think it makes my chest look less flat.

I transitioned in place and am not planning to move until after my bottom surgery is finished. My advice is twofold:

(1) If passing is your goal, ask others for advice on it. We have a big thread on the FTM board about passing where guys post their pictures and ask for advice on whether or not they pass, or what they could do to pass better. You may think you look the part and are wearing the right clothing, but the world apparently isn't seeing it that way. So you may benefit from having another set of eyes taking a look and telling you if there's something you're missing. It could be something really small that you've overlooked.

And with this, you also have to keep in mind cultural norms. Depending on where you live, guys may dress in a particular way more often. If you're dressing differently, that may be why you aren't passing as male there. Then of course, you'd have to consider whether passing or wearing what you want to wear is more important to you.

(2) Correct people. If you haven't been out that long and are not on hormones that are masculinizing your voice and appearance, you will probably be misgendered pretty often. It happens. The only way you can change it at that point is to speak up and correct people so that they are less likely to do it again in the future.

Like our friend Suzi I also recommend transitioning in place and dealing with our own fears while standing up for your right to self expression.  I had my coming out story on the front page of our daily paper and had to do a lot less explaining after that.  "NO I am not going to Mardi Gras I am queer and transgender, read all about it!"

I am in a small rural area and found my coming out was just part of a continuing parade of people demanding to be free as themselves.  Every successful encounter you have and even the necessary corrections we kindly make are part of the entire community getting better educated and more accepting of the real diversity that surrounds us.  It is true for many that coming out mean our eyes are opened as well as those around us.  You and I have friends and allies as yet unmet.

Reach out!