My dysphoria has phases, ranging from debilitating to bearable (rare), which is why it was such a huge feat for me to feel overall decent with myself this past week. That, however, all came crumbling down with just one conversation with a girl who I know online (from a depression support room, no less). The conversation was completely unrelated, and she has only ever known me as male, so the fact that when I said something she didn't like, she called me out and said that she could tell from my photos that I was not cismale really hurt my self-esteem. I liked those photos. Now my dysphoria is back to being debilitating again, and I can't seem to pick myself up. I am pre-everything at the moment. I still need to come out to people irl. I plan to do that very soon. But what can I do until then to feel better? Any tips on appearing more masculine? Irl and online through text? Thanks if you read all of this.


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Hi,

perhaps cutting your hair and wearing male style clothing will help. Also, going to group can help by meeting people with similar feelings.

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on April 03, 2016, 11:11:16 AM
Hi,

perhaps cutting your hair and wearing male style clothing will help. Also, going to group can help by meeting people with similar feelings.

I have cut my hair (skater boy / "emo" boy fashion). I'm a nervous wreck when it comes to talking to people face-to-face about this. This is the photo in question (or one of them).

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on April 03, 2016, 11:11:16 AM
Hi,

perhaps cutting your hair and wearing male style clothing will help. Also, going to group can help by meeting people with similar feelings.

And thanks for replying with advice, by the way!

You look great in that photo; I don't get why she didn't comment on how cute you are . When I was pre T buying a binder really boosted my confidence; plus buying myself some nice masculine clothes even if it was just boxers. To make myself look more masculine I bought myself some baseball style t shirts. The contrasting colour on the shoulders makes your shoulders look broader. As for boxers I prefer boxer briefs because they come in many different varieties of design and are tight enough to hold a packer in place; if you want one.
I wouldn't be too worried about 'passing'. Just wear what makes you feel confident .

Quote from: Elis on April 03, 2016, 12:24:15 PM
You look great in that photo; I don't get why she didn't comment on how cute you are . When I was pre T buying a binder really boosted my confidence; plus buying myself some nice masculine clothes even if it was just boxers. To make myself look more masculine I bought myself some baseball style t shirts. The contrasting colour on the shoulders makes your shoulders look broader. As for boxers I prefer boxer briefs because they come in many different varieties of design and are tight enough to hold a packer in place; if you want one.
I wouldn't be too worried about 'passing'. Just wear what makes you feel confident .

Thanks for the tips! And compliments. My wardrobe mainly consists of black skinny jeans and plaid shirts (from the male section). I've never tried the baseball-style tees though, so I might give it a go! I actually ordered my very first packer, so I'm excitedly waiting for it to get here. We'll see how that goes. Thanks again!

I am not 100% sure on this but I think part of the problem is the haircut. Male haircuts tend to be harsh and female haircuts tend to be soft. To help feminize my face I went with a perm for years and am now trying to get by without a perm. In making up our mind if a person is male or female, it's not any one thing but the sum of many things. We total them up and the winner is the one with the most points. You may still have enough softness in your face that when combined with a soft haircut, it comes out feminine. Try combing your hair in a more masculine direction and see how it changes your looks.

Quote from: Dena on April 03, 2016, 12:30:38 PM
I am not 100% sure on this but I think part of the problem is the haircut. Male haircuts tend to be harsh and female haircuts tend to be soft. To help feminize my face I went with a perm for years and am now trying to get by without a perm. In making up our mind if a person is male or female, it's not any one thing but the sum of many things. We total them up and the winner is the one with the most points. You may still have enough softness in your face that when combined with a soft haircut, it comes out feminine. Try combing your hair in a more masculine direction and see how it changes your looks.

I have a very soft face, and in any other ways that I have tried to style it, it looks 100% female. That's why I'm terrified to cut it shorter. Maybe I'll have to try and buy a wig in case. [emoji23]

Comb your hair back and have others judge you. It took me about two years before I could see the feminine features of my face. We are always the last to see our face take on the new gender and that's why often people get FFS and still see themselves as their birth gender.

You're welcome . Wearing my packer for the first time was one of the best experiences I've had.
To add to what Dena said I was afraid of cutting my hair short too because all the advice out there says if you cut your hair short you'll look female. But I look more stereotypically male now with an undercut and quiff than I did with medium length hair.
If you like your hair I'd keep it. As I said earlier don't worry too much about 'passing'.

I don't have much but i remember someone telling me how to be more masculine in text but then after some looking into it i found out many people have different ideas about how masculine appears in text.
I don't think text can really decipher how masculine or feminine you are, I don't really know how to help on that end but at one point my life that same thing was bothering me and to be honest I just reminded myself that many people have different opinions and that's probably more so their assumptions than what I actually seem like through text. On the other and how to look more masculine is basically what everyone else is telling you to cut your hair and get more masculine clothing. I know for me that doesn't always work so for me sometimes i do what some people suggested i do and its more stereo typical masculine postures or reactions. you can try that (There are probably more ways then what i know)
Good luck

Quote from: Midnightstar on April 04, 2016, 01:50:44 PM
I don't have much but i remember someone telling me how to be more masculine in text but then after some looking into it i found out many people have different ideas about how masculine appears in text.
I don't think text can really decipher how masculine or feminine you are, I don't really know how to help on that end but at one point my life that same thing was bothering me and to be honest I just reminded myself that many people have different opinions and that's probably more so their assumptions than what I actually seem like through text. On the other and how to look more masculine is basically what everyone else is telling you to cut your hair and get more masculine clothing. I know for me that doesn't always work so for me sometimes i do what some people suggested i do and its more stereo typical masculine postures or reactions. you can try that (There are probably more ways then what i know)
Good luck

Thanks! I guess you're right. It just bothers me that I'm often assumed to be female through text. Apparently, I give off that vibe. Ah, well, it's not the end of the world. Most people blush and apologize when I correct 'em.

Yep, it'll get better