So this message might confuse some of you but I'll try to explain it as well as I can.

The past few months I started realising I'm male. I hate everything about my female body and the way it looks always  depressed me. I pushed this away, however it still came back. I started to look into the trans community and researched how people discovered they were trans, almost all said they knew from a young age. I was quite girly when I was younger and started to find this out in my teens. I feel that due to my past I should just deal with being in a girls body.

I didn't figure it out until I was age 13 and there are outer members facing this at age 50 or older posting on the site. For FTMs off the top of my head I have seen several in the late teens and early 20's. There is no right age or right way to be transgender. It's what you understand yourself to be now and not at some time in the past.

If you go to introductions and start reading many stories you will see what I am telling you is true. I have been reading introductions for almost a year and while I know somebody is transgender from their story, it seems nobody tells the same story.

If you don't face it now, you will be one of the stories I have seen where they suppressed what they were only to come back years latter facing what they wished they had face when they were much younger.

Quote from: elliot 56 on April 06, 2016, 06:52:04 PM
I feel that due to my past I should just deal with being in a girls body.

You're not handcuffed by your past. You're allowed to be who you are regardless of what has come before.

A lot of trans men do not feel especially masculine. Being trans man doesn't mean you're masculine. It means you're more comfortable being a man, whatever type of man you are.

It is NOT the case that all of us knew at a young age. I figured it out when I was fifty. Others were even older. That's a myth I'd like to disappear, but the media seems to want to perpetuate it, but it's totally untrue. The age at which we discover our gender varies widely.

I've said it before. The meme is that we know from early childhood because people find that easier to understand and because those kids have better physical outcomes. It's hard for people to understand why anyone would transition late and risk losing everything just to look like, well, me.

Quote from: elliot 56 on April 06, 2016, 06:52:04 PM
So this message might confuse some of you but I'll try to explain it as well as I can.

The past few months I started realising I'm male. I hate everything about my female body and the way it looks always  depressed me. I pushed this away, however it still came back. I started to look into the trans community and researched how people discovered they were trans, almost all said they knew from a young age. I was quite girly when I was younger and started to find this out in my teens. I feel that due to my past I should just deal with being in a girls body.

Hi Elliot, welcome to Susan's Place! Fortunately, there's a test to determine if you're transgender. Here it is:

Q. Have you ever thought you were transgender?

A. No. Congratulations, you're cisgender.

A. Yes. Congratulations, you're transgender. Because cisgender people never think they're transgender.


Hope that helped! 

Hugs, Devlyn

What do you think will make you happy with yourself? Don't worry about other people's standards or experiences. Be true to you.
Moni

I finally figured out what was going on when I was 28 years old. There isn't an age limit on self discovery, and there is no such thing as too late when it comes to figuring out who you are and what you want out of life. If you're feeling this way, it's for a reason, and you owe it to yourself to explore that feeling.

I'm in this boat too. To think that I've always been doing fine as a guy for 38 years and I'm now considering this crazy trans stuff, makes me feel as a second-class trans. Also, I don't totally hate my body. I read "every person is different and that is just how you turned out to be and it's perfectly ok" everywhere but I struggle to accept that. Sounds like a simplistic explanation to me, although I wholeheartedly agree with it—yeah I know it sounds weird. I guess I'm just looking for a more solid explanation. The counseling I'm looking for right now is to help me accept this, instead of going directly to transition, which OTOH I'm sure I'm going to do anyway, but maybe not now... I don't know.

I'll try Dena's suggestion to take a look to the Introductions section. Might make me see a glimpse of light.

Here are a few resources that could help you:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

I'd say try to avoid a seesaw pattern ... usually if things are suppressed they come back later. In the meantime some people may have partners or a life that not really fits them. You might try to sort this out now with the help of a good gender therpist.
Results are also usually better if transition is started young.

Here are a few questions that could help:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfXQxn98Q6I

Here are some experienced online gender therapists :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html


*hugs*

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 06, 2016, 10:04:46 PM
Hi Elliot, welcome to Susan's Place! Fortunately, there's a test to determine if you're transgender. Here it is:

Q. Have you ever thought you were transgender?

A. No. Congratulations, you're cisgender.

A. Yes. Congratulations, you're transgender. Because cisgender people never think they're transgender.


Hope that helped! 

Hugs, Devlyn

There is a lot of truth to this.

Having lived with denial most of my life, I have figured out another test that tells if you are in denial.  If you ask the question and answer "No, I am not transgender", check if you end up still wondering.  If you keep wondering after saying no, it means you got the wrong answer.  When you get the right answer, you will stop wondering.

In my life, I compare asking the question about my being transgender with the same question about being gay.  In both cases, my answer was no.  In the case of asking myself about being gay, I never wondered after I answered no.  That was it, case closed, the answer was no.  In the case of being transgender, the no never stuck, and I would keep wondering.  Now that I have answered that question with a yes, I no longer wonder.  One "no" was the right answer; the other was denial.

People grow over time. Don't worry about being trans. Worry about being you as it stands today. If that happens to fall on the trans spectrum, you're trans, even if you don't decide to go full throttle.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 07, 2016, 10:50:03 AM

There is a lot of truth to this....

And some untruth. I usually don't use words like never, always, everyone, or nobody in my posts, but I felt the emphasis on never would be helpful in this case.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: fresasconnata on April 07, 2016, 01:53:11 AM
To think that I've always been doing fine as a guy for 38 years and I'm now considering this crazy trans stuff,

I always assumed I was doing "okay" as a guy.  Then about 10 years ago (in my 50's) I found myself wanting to wear skirts, pretty skirts, but I knew I wanted to stay a guy, I was just "gender non-conforming."  Except it grew.  It wasn't until about 2 years ago, as a result of reading a blog post, that I started rethinking -- and remembering -- stuff from my past.  It's like how you can look at a tree and see all sorts of spotted leaves and then suddenly you realize that a lot of those spotted leaves are really a leopard.  And ever since then, I've been changing in ways I did not expect.  I'm thinking and feeling things I would never have imagined six months ago.

Quote from: fresasconnata on April 07, 2016, 01:53:11 AM
Also, I don't totally hate my body.

I don't either, but I think it's more that I've spent my life just not thinking about what I can't have.  When I ask myself whether I'd rather have a different one, my whole heart says **** yeah!

Quote from: fresasconnata on April 07, 2016, 01:53:11 AM
I guess I'm just looking for a more solid explanation. The counseling I'm looking for right now is to help me accept this, instead of going directly to transition, which OTOH I'm sure I'm going to do anyway, but maybe not now... I don't know.

IMHO, self-acceptance is the key.  As is letting go and going with the flow.  Hard for those well-socialized as male.  If my experience is any guide, it's going to happen the way it's going to happen, which may be at times faster or slower than you like, but pushing is just going to make you miserable.

Oh, yeah, my advice is to focus on getting to know yourself, esp. the parts you've been trained to ignore.  Practice listening patiently to your heart, your unguided dreams, your feelings.  They will be your best guides.

Thanks Asche for your reply, and I hope it helps the OP too.

Didn't realize I was trans until my late teens either. Didn't even know it was a possibility that someone could be trans* until I was about 15. I really wish the media portrayed this because this why I had doubts I really was because they made it out to be something we always knew but for some of us that isn't true.