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what is your opinion on " passing " necessary or cosmetical

Started by stephaniec, April 10, 2016, 03:18:23 PM

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0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

how do you feel about "passing"

absolute necessaty
19 (51.4%)
somewhat necessary
6 (16.2%)
more important just to live presenting female , but not necessarily "passing"
5 (13.5%)
living totally free from the concept of passing , just being me.
6 (16.2%)
other
1 (2.7%)

Total Members Voted: 37

RobynD

Quote from: MichaelaLJ1972 on April 12, 2016, 11:52:58 AM
With all that's happening as far as violence against transgender individuals, I think it's almost an absolute necessity to blend in as much as possible.

It's sad because this violence is even impacting cis gender folks. There is a recent incident of a woman in Detroit who was accosted in a bathroom because she didn't look female enough.

This certainly is a consideration i agree. Particularly in the less liberal areas of the country.

I also can't help but think about the gender fluid, genderqueer, non-binary, brothers and sisters out there. They may have zero interest in looking like the norm of either gender. They deserve safety, bathroom choices and and social acceptance like everyone. The sooner we get to a world where they can feel safe too, the better.


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stephaniec

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cindianna_jones

I checked absolute necessity because it WAS absolutely necessary for me when I transitioned in the 80's. I had to support my estranged children which meant that I needed a good job. Even in California, I experienced much discrimination once my past caught up with me. I had to pass before I made the first step. I remained in stealth mode until very recently. Now I don't care so much. I've decided that I'll never have another relationship. I have enough money to get by.

I think that we have many more options these days.
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stephaniec

I'm 64, I have little hope for a relationship so I work on looking good in a dress.
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Cindy

I find these sort of questions extremely difficult. You need to define what you mean by 'passing'.

Many transwomen say the don't pass because of their personal perspective. "I look in a mirror and see a guy in a dress" But that is irrelevant. How are you/they accepted in normal society. I deliberately say normal society and not the encounters with bigots and jerks; EVERYONE no matter their gender or whatever ends up having to deal with jerks. Because that is what jerks do.

Do I pass - no idea. But I meet random people, I am treated as a normal woman, I have normal relationships with men that I choose to have relationships with, be they one night stands or relationships.

I teach a bunch of students and they ask questions and tell people they had a lecture from me: Cindy. Not the transgender teacher Cindy.

I don't go around psychoanalysing the response I get from the usual encounters with people or long term friendships.

If I did I suspect that there is an attitudinal issue with me rather than an an acceptance issue from others.

In many ways I find these threads a bit like the growing up issues of pubertal girls. Does he love me? Am I pretty? Why am I not accepted by the group at school. Oh I wish I had bigger boobs, a pretty face, long legs etc etc etc.

Teenagers grow out of it and start to accept themselves and those who don't start to have long term issues.

OK there is societal pressure on women to 'look good' 'be perfect' 'be awesome lovers' 'be great partners' etc etc etc again.

But successful women who love their lives, relationships, whatever get over it and accept themselves for who they are. Normal women.

Maybe we should reflect why some of us have a difficulty in our self acceptance?


Oh I'll add something: Bathroom laws. OK they are ridiculous but look at the newspapers. The issue being reported is when ciswomen are getting barred from female toilets. Why? Because ciswomen don't pass? Or because the jerks (see above) have no idea what constitutes a woman.

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stephaniec

one night stands, I've been seriously considering that lately.
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Cindy

Quote from: stephaniec on April 14, 2016, 03:20:09 AM
one night stands, I've been seriously considering that lately.

Just be careful! I am extremely careful.
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stephaniec

yea I know, I'm proud of my clean bill of health. I just went through the inquisition at the hospital from all the doctors trying to figure out why I have an elevated white blood cell count which I've had on and off for a long time. They finally concluded it was from my Rheumatoid arthritis that I kept trying to tell them , but they insisted in giving me all the tests they could think of.
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