I'm well aware that this question must have been asked hundreds of times, but I'm new here and I'm really in need of some advice. I have only just realised I'm transgender and I don't know how to tell anyone. I'm sure my parents wouldn't understand at all.

James,

Would that be James T Kirk? I am honored. But seriously, welcome to the site. There are a lot of people with great advice and much history.

There is a section here on coming out you could look through.

I was also not sure of your age but there is a youth section here if you are under 18. I just saw parents and made an assumption. That is generally dumb as I am not out to mine and I am about 50... .

I also wanted to share some links with you that we pass along to new members. Mostly welcome information but also the sites rules. If you have not read them, please take a moment to do so now:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. I hope you find the best way for you.

With warmth,

Joanna

To boldly go where no one has gone before ?

*hums star trek melody*


Here are a few resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901


*hugs*

Welcome to Susan's Place. Our Wiki page has a good deal of information on this topic. The main page will take to letters but there is also Coming out to family that you may find useful as well. Should you have additional questions, post them on this thread and we will respond when we see the post.

"Mom and Dad, you probably know that there are people called transgender, who are born with a gender that doesn't match their body sex. I need to tell you I'm one of those people. Transgender people experience great unhappiness living as their gender assigned at birth, and I need to figure out how I'm going to deal with it."

You can do that in a note or by speaking to them.

Would something like that work?

James,
     There is the approach of bluntly  telling them what you think you are, "I am transgender."  Or you can start with "I am having these feelings and I wanted  to let you know I am wrestling with these feelings." The second way may be less pressure. You can make the blunt pronouncement, but be aware that they will probably not hear much of what you say after. If you give them a history of what you are going through, the struggle, the pain it causes you, it may give them context before you tell them what is going on. It may allow them to be more sympathetic to your situation. Of course the flip side is the more you say, the more vulnerable you might make yourself. I have had good luck with telling people the choice I feel like I am faced with. Be miserable or take this very scary step that might make me happy. Just be aware that there are a lot of supportive people in this world. If you get a negative first reaction, don't allow it to be the end of the world. It isn't.
Good luck!
Moni
Remember to keep phasers on "stun."

Your parents might surprise you but try to feel them out before hand. What I did with my mom was I brought up the presidential election and how certain candidates seem to discriminate against certains groups IE lgbt. So I asked her how she felt about that. She gave me all the right answers that I wanted to hear. So that gave me the courage to tell her and she responded shocked because it is a big deal and she steadily started to get comfy with the idea. She then urged me to tell my godmother and then I told my sister through text. I've only told 3 people so far because I am afraid to tell my brother and other family members. Just remember to take your time but it is such a relief to finally come out to someone. Not everyone that you tell will be ok with it up front it will take some time and you might lose people in the process and thats ok. I'm going to just drop a bomb on facebook once I'm like 4+ months in and I've finished telling the people closest to me first. I was told to come out as gay first and then trans but I feel that will confuse people more and they won't take me seriously. As it is my mom still asked me if I was sure about this a day after. Good luck and be safe about it.

It's good to start small. 

In terms of coming out:

Do you have a best friend?  Do you have a good friend of the gender you identify as?  Start by feeling it out with them.  Like, maybe mention something about the anti-transgender laws that politicians are trying to get passed right now.  See what they say.  If they react positively, talk to them about what you've been going through.  Make sure that they know how big of a deal it is if your secret gets out too soon.

For me, I started coming out last January and next month I'll be out at work, the last part of my life where I'm not out.  I came out to various friends individually.  I essentially ranked them in order of how important they are in my life and how well I expected them to take it.  For some, there was a deliberate disclosure.  With others, I just showed up dressed to the nines and acted like I expected everybody to treat me the same as they did the day before.  They did.  Transfeminine folk have a bit of an edge on this one... wearing a skirt or dress really sends a message, in a way that wearing traditionally male clothing really doesn't.

In terms of being comfortable:

Start small here, too!  As I came out, I "drifted" out of the closet.  I gradually incorporated increasingly feminine bits into my wardrobe; starting with capri pants, cardigans, painting my nails, long t-shirts... as I started combining a few of those elements in an outfit, people started to notice.  Since it was very gradual, I didn't get many comments.  Now... I'm saying this as an adult who came out at a university as a graduate student.  If you're still in grade school, I'm sure your experience will be different.

By going slowly, both in how you present and who you tell, you can avoid a lot of the embarrassment that one typically imagines.  Maybe it's easier going the other way... but if I just started dressing feminine the day I realized that I was transgender, I'd have made a damned fool of myself.  Feminine clothes are hard!  I kinda knew what I was doing... but oh man, looking back at some of my outfits... yikes.