Quote from: KelliHu on April 24, 2016, 07:19:33 PM
I'm a new member on the fence about transition and I'm very inspired by your story. It sounds like you had a similar build to what I have now, and since I am a hardgainer with a naturally slim body, I have no doubts that I'd be able to lose lean muscle mass.
However, how did you mentally and emotionally let go of your male physique...? This is what I have the most difficulty with...I feel like I can't explore how I feel because seeing my body in clothes I want to wear won't let me feel the way I want. It seems like such a big commitment to lose the weight without being a 100% sure, but I can't get 100% sure if I don't lose the weight...
I am glad that my story offered some inspiration; I can send you a timeline of my transition if you feel like it might throw you over the fence you find yourself on.
By the way, unease I experienced in letting go of my hard-earned physique was what prevented me from transitioning at age 18/19, as opposed to age 20. It was so freaking hard---and when my desire to transition surfaced, people unanimously agreed that I was crazy because of how attractive and fit I was as a "male".
However, the simple answer is that gender dysphoria nearly killed me, and I had no choice but to transition. At first, I tried not ridding of the muscle, in realization that I could maybe pass as a female bodybuilder or something. Whenever I realized, though, that so much of my ability to feel validated as a woman stems from how many guys overtly express attraction to me (i.e., hit on me), I decided that I'm doing whatever I can to get rid of it.
It was such a mind-boggling change, and I still have difficulty accepting it. My limb proprioception was even off-kilter because my body hadn't adjusted to how small I had gotten. At around four months of transitioning, a co-worker who didn't realize I was transitioning told me I was the second-skinniest guy she has ever met, and she didn't mean lean---she meant dainty. So, it all started to pay off, as big of a risk as it was.
All of the willpower I used to apply to literal hundreds of pushups per night, as well as cross-country races through mountainous regions, was applied towards Western beauty standards, and I somehow made the cut. You can do anything with enough inspiration and desire.
Claire