I first am gonna say that this is why I wish I had been born a girl like any other girl. This target thing has my mind in the worst shape ever. I read people making fun of transgender people worse which hurts me badly. People judging others terribly. People not understanding or even trying. Me alone as I read it knowing if I say a word, Ill get soo much backlash for what I am inside and yet I stay quiet. This is why I stay quiet. I dont want to lose anyone so I just stay silent and be the boy they see so that everything is peaceful to an extent. No Im not happy doing that and while this is not the only reason I stay quiet, it is one of them.

Im not gonna lose anyone or have people beating on me. This sucks and I hope there are people that understand what it's like. It's VERY complicated and Im glad soo many dont have to deal with what I deal with. No one should have to go through it. It's bad and it makes me want to just crawl in a corner alone. Pretend it doesnt exist.

Here are a few resources that could help come out:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

I'd say talk to your therapist ...
to help you along ...

it can be a process, you do not have to do it all at once ...

and more and more people are coming around ... and sometimes people may surprise you in a positive way...

I'd say ty to avoid a seesaw pattern, with repression and pain ... go step by step in a direction where you can be yourself ...
your therapist could be helpful there ...


*hugs*

Larisa
I've kept my secret  for 59 of my 64 years. I told my family about 6 weeks ago.that I cross dress and the weight / guilt has fallen by the wayside. If I could start hrt I would. The way I tell my kids is that I can not live their life for them. The best I can  do is tell you of my experience . It is up to them to decide down that road what is better. Reliving my experience is crazy but it's their life not mine. Of course Mom got me started dressing up. But I just couldn't tell my Dad. My Dads been dead for thirty years now. I did not fear him getting mad because that was not how my Dad operated. But on the other hand, I didn't want to disappoint him either. I've come to the conclusion that while my parents chose a different path they were the ones choosing what path to take for themselves. I wish I had taken my path when I had the opportunity to be what I always wanted to be. As pretty as my Sister. Unfortunately I did read an article today that reported 1 in 12 transgendered people are murdered. That number seems a little daunting. But here is where you can make a difference by educating the sick bastards that think everything is a perversion. You have the power to change the world. This is a good place to start. I've been reading information I never knew existed. I thought Chas Bono was one of the few transmen. But there are millions of them. Ok hundreds of thousands. The problem is no body really knows. I stand corrected. But you my friend are a trail blazer. Perhaps in your lifetime there will be acceptance,

We practice hug therapy here.
Dawn

I had the very same feelings about becoming who I really was...But the funny thing about dysphoria is that with time it gets even worse. When puberty hits you and your body is even more uncomfortable than it was before- when you are getting older and you got hair everywhere and losing your hair... After those experiences you might find out that nobody is worth so much pain that you have to keep silent about this. YOU ARE LIVING YOUR LIFE AS SOMEONE ELSE, slowly taking your years away. Years when you could be happy. And that is really not worth it. At least that`s how I feel about myself at the moment.

I really understand your pain. I stayed in my shell about it for a long time until I had a certain conversation with my mother. My mother and I agreed that I should tell my friends/mates about it, and if they don't support or accept that then they were never truly my friend.

Though, it is easier said than done. And I will admit that it does hurt when your "friend" doesn't accept you for who you really were all along. However, it will make you stronger in the long run.