This sounds oh so familiar to this chick! I knew I was female at an early age for ne reason and another hid it, tried, dressed in secret, drank like a fish and then....the realisation that I was going nowhere except to a lonely grave.
Of course making the decision and carrying through are different tasks!
And yes it was hard. Me a professional scientist, cancer research worker, a Professor with millions of dollars of research funds over the years, and international reputation, PhD students, professional colleagues; suddenly becoming a rather emotional woman with nowhere to hide anymore.
No lab to hide in, no studies to pretend that consumed my life, instead facing the fact I am a woman with female feelings and desires.
The two brains in my head - I like that! Yes so much and then realising that slowly there was one brain, mine, a woman, a scientist, a caring emotional person. A far nicer and better person than he was.
I even remember when he died, I saw him fade in the mirror as I took over, he has never come back. I love him and I admire him for looking after me. He was flawed, but brave.
I am one now, I still retain my knowledge, my skills, my commitment; but now with a more caring edge, a more concerned edge. I foster my friendships and love my students and support them in ways he could not. He couldn't show these emotions, I can and I do.
It was a long journey, and like most journey's I recall highlights and down times. But what I feel most is the feeling you have after a long trip. I am so glad to be home.
I hope you feel like this one day, and I am sure you will.
My love
Cindy
