I am really seeing the effects of hrt physically now I am seeing the unknown becoming the known. How simply delightful it can be to see a female figure forming. But transitioning I think is like a big tornado flattening your house.

It flattens your life everything you known and thought you knew is gone. You are left with a person 'yourself' that you have to discover all over again. In my case so much have changed I lost my business my marriage my family doesn't view me the same and never will. A lot of things and people I cared for turned away. That tornado hurts you like nothing on earth and the damage is going to last for a while I fear. Until I am done with transitioning I think will I only see why...

I know I can't fight the chosen path for me anymore I am still in a way wanting to turn back and have the house destroyed by the tornado back. But no matter how hard you try that house is scattered all over the place in pieces that is impossible to put back together.

The only way is too build a new house with my new knowledge a better stronger house that would withstand a tornado this time. This is striking back at GD with transitioning so that it can't destroy my house this time.

Well I am inter sex also I don't know but apparently that changes allot about a persons perspective of you. That is awesome in a way because you can't tell me I am not a woman if you want to go on genitals because whether there is a vagina or not I have some female parts in me. I sure hope all turns out okay one day and the hurt will pass. I hope the house for every person that is trans is beautiful and stronger than the place we had too live with.

My mom even told me she likes Amoray more than Rickus because Rickus is a angry person and a lot of stuf so that maybe says allot.

So good to see the body you have had for so long finally become your body.

As with a tornado we can only batten down the hatches then salvage what we can in the aftermath. Ever onwards we continue towards our dreams.

Quote from: Amoré on April 28, 2016, 12:18:21 PM
My mom even told me she likes Amoray more than Rickus because Rickus is a angry person and a lot of stuf so that maybe says allot.

Plenty of others will also eventually see the newer and far far happier you. My wife who was not thrilled after me dropping the T-Bomb likes the newer me, perhaps even more in many ways then other me. Perhaps why she hasn't ran off screaming?

Like the  Phoenix we rise from the ash heap of a wrecked and ..... ruined life. Only to be and even better, versatile, and beautiful, inside and out, true self

I am sitting and not joking I am really scared like hell of snapping. I am broken I thought of killing myself a couple of times just out of hurt and being lonely. I am struggling with depression and it is stupid. I will cry myself to sleep then just hating myself. I am struggling to get on with transition because my work is holding me back also they want it done on there time. I don't look female to some and I have a penis so according to them I can only start living as female after the op. I can't afford the op now.

My manager want to put a transition plan out but what must be in it predictions of when I am going to live female. I am out to everybody at work. I had a stupid arrogant co worker tell me today be a man and I was like you know I am not. It was offensive because apparently be a man will solve it all. It will just make trans go away.

The problem I must leave allot in my past and even people I love more than my life itself. I feel abandoned by my wife to gender dysphoria she was my shield between me and GD. I lost me shield. I love her I cannot explain how much. I always thought love concourse all but I was wrong.

Quote from: Amoré on April 29, 2016, 10:30:06 AM
The problem I must leave allot in my past and even people I love more than my life itself.

Your Choice? Or is this the choice they are making, with Guilt & Shame manipulating things to seem like you forced them to drop out of your life?

Quote
I feel abandoned by my wife to gender dysphoria she was my shield between me and GD. I lost me shield. I love her I cannot explain how much. I always thought love concourse all but I was wrong.

FEEL Abandoned you were! Plus blindsided by her hatred leaving you without any medical insurance without even a heads up!

We all barely have control over ourselves. Being able to control other peoples feelings are actions is not an ability us mortals posses. For the longest time my therapist and my Reality Therapist (aka wife) would admonish me over my desire to absolutely know, predict or control my future. Which of course implies how people feel, think, and do. As an engineer that makes a good living doing that, it is a bad habit when applied to my life. I often suspect the skewing of techie types represented here is due to some innate need to seek order or sense in our lives that started out making no sense.

I, and many many others, including yourself, tried the "Man Up" route with some short term success. I have a daily affirmation; "I know what Does Not work". I wish being trans can go away. If I go full time, get surgeries, whatever, only a brain-eraser can remove my past. If I "put all this nonsense behind me" how can forget the shear joy and feeling so alive being out in the real world as the real me?  I played both games several times, and lost.

Today here in the USA constantly on the news, talk/commentary shows, presidential politics, and of course late night comedy fodder is the ridiculousness of the North Carolina anti-Trans bathroom bill. Worse is all the bigoted, closed minded, haven't a clue defenders who totally embrace every transwoman is A) a Pedophile and B) a Rapist.. Unless of course she is pretty, as in porn star looks, then it's OK. She should not use the Gents.

The Caitlyn Jenner media coverage was just a blip on the RADAR compared to this.

Haters are going to hate. There is very little to no changing their minds. Do you want to give them power over you by letting them run your life? Haven't you tried something like that before? Living up to others expectations?

QuoteMy manager want to put a transition plan out but what must be in it predictions of when I am going to live female. I am out to everybody at work.

You need a plan??? Sounds like you are there already? What is missing perhaps a legal name change?

Of course your manager just may be gently hinting. Pick A or B because people are uncomfortable with both.

well sometimes we need perspective. I have been down the road also twice wanting it in teens.

Well I think in looks I am privileged I am becoming more fem each day

You already pass a 100% to me, you look beautiful. How old are you if I may ask? Ignore ->-bleeped-<-s, anyone with a tiny bit of intelligence would hold such commentary to themselves. You only live once, right.. you're very courageous and you'll find true happiness when you're done transitioning. Your coworker is just ignorant, as you said, they've seen you go throught this phase day in and out, so they'll see you as a guy, I see a broken woman that needs to fix her way of thinking, life is too short to be unhappy. =)

I am 28

That makes me feel a bit more hopeful myself, from your profile picture you look like a cis female. I'm 25 and live with the fear that I'm too late for a change (tornado still needs to pass my house ). You look absolutely gorgeous and good things will come if you just hold tight! If work puts you throught stress, find something else, though your manager seems nice working out a plan for you and stuff.

I've no idea how I would tell my work, I've like.. one of the manliest jobs you can have (maintenance technician) and people consider me the cool guy at work.. and the women love me, if I ever out myself it's going to be a freaking earthquake magnitude 9 on the scale of Richter, oh god.

I've been thinking of changing jobs and even city for HRT >.< a job on the road so I see new faces everyday, so they wouldn't care as much as people you see day in and out...

Believe me it is never too late and the earlier the more life you have left in your gender. I am a database engineer not the girliest job but I manage. As far as coming out at work is just do it. people will be shocked because they known you for a long time where I started at a new place. Don't run away from people you need them and you have to be around them to learn about the different types of people you will get crossing your road as trans. you will always find awesome people in the bunch and you hold on to them you need them.

Mmh.. sent a mail today to the only hospital that does like the full package (and this way I'm sure insurance would cover it all), now it's waiting for their answer. Though I did all of that anonymously. I'm sure I want it, just not sure if I have the balls to do it. T_T

I've always felt terrible as a man but at the other side, it's the only thing I've ever known, I'm not sure if I could ever pass as a woman, emotionally and my way of thinking, hell yes.. but general behaviour, god, I need work, a lot of work.

Either way, I don't want to hijack your topic hun. Thank you a lot and keep strong, you're gorgeous and give me a lot of hope.