I feel trapped by my living situation. If you knew my background and previous posts, I feel stuck without any good job for money and I'm growing a lot more impatient, not just because of LGBT reasons but wanting to get a life in general. I don't know what my qualifications are, I might have none so far, and my schedule is saturated with CI staff that get in the way of me trying to help myself, which I want to prove to my staff, but I don't know exactly the list of everything they want. They also demand me to do little things everyday differently so I don't "stand out" (don't talk in a monotone, all that). It's sick, it bothers me that I can't live independently as an adult and still be living at home. I may not even have control over what they demand of me. I'm supposed to be in control of my own life, but I feel staff (and the state program that they are participating in to assist me) very limiting and demanding. Worse is, that I can't just justify it by telling them because "I am confused about my gender and need to seek help, so that is why I want to move to independence.

I have no connections my age, no resources for me. Having mild "asperger's autism" sucks. I'd rather live without having ever realized that condition was part of me. I cannot let go of this, I'm always going to be aware that I am somewhere on the autism spectrum! My situation is even worse than other asperger's people I met my own age.

I just wanted to let that out. I'm growing very impatient, I want everything done now so I can explore my gender identity more in peace and away from prying eyes, and to ultimately get to my destination.

Sure I made a thread about my staff and living situation before, but I just want to let this one out.

I'm not relieved. I feel the complete opposite of "relieved".

I am making an assumption that you want to pass as a woman when the time comes. This requires that you do nothing to stand out because anything that draws attention to you will draw more attention to you and make it much more likely somebody will read you. CI is helping teach you not to stand out and that will be an important part of your transition.

From my point of view, I am tall had have broad shoulders. If I dress incorrectly, anybody who sees me will pick up on those features so I can't jus wear anything and get away with it. I also need to walk different, talk different and many other thing not to draw unwanted attention to this. You need to learn all this in addition to anything associated with asperges's. The more you work with CI and show you can do all this, the sooner you will be able to move on. The only reason CI is still with you is because you haven't learned what they have to teach.

There are no short cuts in life and if you attempt to take one, it can turn out very bad.