Honestly, in my view, family has a harder time seeing it because in their eyes, what defines someone looking as male is what they've grown up with. My parents won't call me or see me as female until I look more feminine in their eyes which may never happen. I've gotten ma'amed several times, and only being two months into my transition, but my parents refuses to acknowledge those instances. It seems you like they aren't and haven't ever really been accepting, and somewhere in their minds, they expect you or want you to just be what they want, despite the fact it is asking for something you're not! They are trying to, at least with the example your grandmother gave, trying to convince you that, "Hey a lot of guys look this way sooooooo you still look like a guy." It's really them trying to rationalize and convince themselves of something that's not true. My parents are kind of doing the same thing to me. The only thing you can really honestly do is put your foot down and tell them how you're feeling and how they are making you feel, or slowly cut contact with them. It sounds like they don't want to change, and sometimes that happens. I wish they could see you for the amazing woman you are, and hopefully they will. I'm personally still going through this with my parents so I don't really have a solution that's a end all be all for you, so I can only give you my opinion. Also, your transition is about you, don't let them get you down or make you feel bad about your decision. I hope that helps ^_^