Last night I went to the Houston Transgender Association group meeting.  I was extremely nervous as I didn't know anyone there.  Here are my thoughts and feelings afterwards,  followed by a question.

First, let me say I was happy to see how many people showed up.  There were men and women of all ages ranges represented...and in various stages of their transition.  They all greeted me and made me feel very welcome.  The topic was about forgiveness and it was wonderful to hear everyone speak on what that meant to them.  It was great to see a group of people so comfortable with themselves and each other to talk about some deep stuff.  It really made me admire them.

After the meeting I was invited to a local Diner to socialize.   I did indeed go and it was nice to get to know more about a couple of Ladies in the group and for them to get to know me. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had to leave before it was over.

Today I'm going over it all in my mind and, blame it on my dysphoria, but I feel terrible about myself.  These Men an Women I met last night were so confident in themselves.  I am extremely jealous of them as I wish I had their confidence.   I keep telling myself that I've only been out to my therapist for about six weeks now and to give myself time for my confidence to grow.  I just feel like the Ladies were just so gorgeous and I have doubts I will ever be half as gorgeous as they are.

Is what I am feeling normal?  Do I need to worry about this?  Suggestions for building my confidence?

Quote from: CourtneyMarissa on May 17, 2016, 11:23:22 AM
Is what I am feeling normal?  Do I need to worry about this?  Suggestions for building my confidence?

I certainly feel that way sometimes. Though, being gorgeous is hardly the most important character trait, is it? I'd much rather have a good heart than be heartbreakingly gorgeous.

Do you believe you're a good person? Not everyone can be gorgeous. Not everyone can be brilliant. Not everyone can be a spectacular athlete.

But anyone can be kind.

For me, the first step is to realize that being a good person is more important than being perfect or impressive.

Enjoy the wonderful woman you are. Comparing yourself to other people rarely leads to anything good.

Confidence is in the eye of the beholder.  You may think everyone there was confident, comfortable, in control... but I can bet there were others there who were not.

One thing I've found is the first time is the hardest.  The second time is "been there, done that", the third time you are welcoming someone else to the group who is seeing everyone as confident, comfortable, in control...

The first time I went out en-fem (Disney at night) I was scared to death and looked straight ahead.  The second time, I went into a bar and ordered dinner and talked to the bar tender for a while.

Go again and you will see that your confidence will be up and the time after that you will wonder what the big deal was.

The first 2 or 3 times at group I did not share and I was wearing male work cloths. I was scared and there were two woman that looked really good. I have been going to group for 2.5 years and out and expressing.

I was on 17th and Chestnut today in Philly. I was nervous and heading to Sephora to buy make-up, first time. I entered the store and there was a male and female greeter. Part of me was glad I entered and part was nervous. I told them I am trans and want to buy make-up. They checked and we scheduled a 1 hour session next week, they were booked up today and tomorrow. I had to draw on my agency that I developed in the past 3.5 years. I was nervous at first but then calmed down once in the store. I made a plan and accomplished my objective with not much difficulty.

It took me a lot of hard work to get to the point I am at now. Some get to this point sooner, some later and some never. I was really happy with myself for going into the store and asking for help. I will learn a lot next week about make-up and I am looking forward to it.

Go at your own pace and you are 100% normal.

I showed up for my first support group in male attire, more nervous than at any other time in my life. I remember being afraid that somebody from work (I was still in the military) would be there and identify me, not thinking through that I'd be less identifiable if I were actually presenting female! They made me feel comfortable enough that I brought clothes with me the next time and changed on site. Then they made me feel comfortable enough to really get me out of my shell and drive to a night club on the same road as the base as a woman. Best night of my life up until then. I was nervous as hell and it showed. It also showed that I had never before walked in heels. I was stumbling all over the place like a drunk chick.

Fast forward nearly 20 years and I was still not fully out and still occasionally venturing out with a total lack of confidence. What I found was when I forgot to change back to male mode before going out, I was getting called ma'am like crazy. When I went out on purpose, everybody was calling me sir. That confidence was the missing ingredient. I still don't fully have it and I've been fulltime for about 5 months now, so I fake it. I find faking it is enough to achieve about a 90% pass rate. The other 10% are either being polite or just not sure enough to say anything. I can see in their eyes that they're questioning it though.

I was totally blown away after my first TG support group meeting. NEVER could I have imagined what it would be like to sit in a living room filled with 15-20 others whose life stories resembled my own.... way too much for this total touchie feelie psycho-social skeptic.

OK, it's a fluke. All too new. See what happens next month.

Wash, rinse, repeat.... OK... This cannot be happening. Let's see how I feel Next month

By the end of my third meeting I knew I absolutely needed to be there and that it was almost too late to tell my wife what is happening

My wife and I used to go to PPOC in SoCal back in the early 1990's.

I also went to my first meeting in guy mode - that didn't last.

Very eye opening to meet other folks who were on similar paths.  The TG world seemed so binary back then - people were either TS or CD/TV. PPOC was firmly in the latter camp, much like tri-S.

I do kind of miss being around other trans folks. Susan's in some ways is better, but there's something about F2F interaction. My trans experience in the real world is way less social than I would like. 

And yes, confidence comes with practice and attitude.  My first outings were super awkward. Now it's pretty routine (but liberating at the same time).

I was a nervous wreck for my first ever meeting, first time ever out in public by myself, I was sure everyone was staring and when I got to the group, I, like you, was overwhelmed. That was many years ago and I had a long break between outings. More recently I attended a new group with people of all types of gender diversity and the first meeting I went presenting myself as Liz I was terrified. This time I had the whole world staring at me but after a few more visits I am much more confident. So it comes with time and practice and of course being comfortable with how you are presenting. For me I still have a long way to go but I use this old saying to help get me though...

"Fake it, till you make it" 

Liz K

I miss going to meetings, my wife found one yrs ago for us, we went for over a yr til some changes took place that I did not agree with,I wasn't alone quite a few of us left mainly the married ones like me. My first time I was wearing a old ratty cheap Halloween wig,i remeber when my hair got long enough for my wife to style it, the members couldn't get over the fact it was real..