Hello everyone.
I'm a 27 year old guy from Europe (sorry for my english mistakes).
I'm here because I think I could  be Trans and  I'd like to share my story  and get some thoughts.

before I tell my story I have to say this.
My n1 thought is that since there is not a  magical button that could make me transition to a female body (and  I'm not rich  at all nor my family is) I'm kind of the idea that I should probably  not even want to question myself too much about this because that could create me more problems.
at the same time I don't want to marry a girl and then after some years have a crisis and  have to admit to her I'm trans destroying everything.

anyways I've  always been a very very kind and romantic guy. I'm that kind of guy that will 100% cry every time I see Titanic (I actually did cry seeing the movie when I was at like the 3rd date with a girl and she didn't cry at all).


I always felt attracted to female girls. The first girl I felt in love for we were 5 years old. I got flowers to school to her for valentines day (my parents helped).

after I broke up from my first important story with a girl when I was 20 years old (lasted for like 4 years) I was totally destroyed and in pain. my heart was broken.
some friend told me to start some videogame to try to not think about her.
basically from that moment i started to have 2 different lives. my normal guy real life and a online video game female life.
from the moment I saw the button that allowed me  to create a female character or a male one I knew I wanted to be  female.
I never told the guys or girls I was meeting online that I was a guy.
I was introducing myself as a girl plain and simple.
I started using a program to morph my voice  a little bit so it was much like a female and I started chatting with other guys and girls playing games online with me (we were communicating using voice only software like teamspeak).
I did this from the age of 24  to current day.
Now while being my female online version I met guys  and talked to them in  a different way of course.
But I never felt too much attracted to them.

now I am here because recently I met one guy online (7 months ago) and we started to play games together and watch movies together and all... he felt in love for me after a few months, but he was very kind and never oppressed me with of his feelings until something  happened.
basically he started to chat with another (real) girl and after like 2 days she wanted to be with him and date him.
He told me that he had lost his hopes that he could've  had a story with me because I never told him I wanted to be with him, and so he was starting to get to know this new girl.

At  that point I realized that I was about to lose him  and I felt jealous of this girl, like a lot.
so I did something stupid.
I  told him that I had deeper feelings  for him.
basically at that point he wanted to be my boyfriend but I tried to tell him that I needed a break and that we couldn't have a love-story because of our age difference and because of living far away one from the other.
He was heartbroken and told me not to leave him.
The only way out I found was telling him the truth. I didn't want him to suffer that much.
I told  him that I'm  a guy.
I wanted him to be happy and I couldn't give him happiness because of my gender so I wanted him to date the new girl.
he is now dating this new girl and he is very kind with me but of course he doesn't love me anymore.
he is like a friend now but I'm kinda heartbroken now.

Now is time to seek your advice people.
1) I guess I'm trans right?
if there was a magical button in front of me that could turn me in an attractive female I would instantly use it --- but I would use it only if I was sure to be able  to go back to my male body in case i was wrong.

2) What should I  do about it?
my family is medium low income and I'm not independent yet. I don't see any real path for me to become an attractive female like I would like to be so maybe I should just stick to being  a guy and try to be normal?
is it risky?

3) my sexual  orientation is something I don't really understand well...
I know that in a male body I'd never want to have sex with men but only with women.
But if I imagine myself female I would probably be happy to have sex with a guy.
Whenever I was feeling the need  to  masturbate myself I did it looking at hot female pictures or porn videos.
It feels to me though that few years ago I was looking at them and I was  sexually attracted by those girls but now sometimes I feel almost like I get and orgasm by thinking  that I wish I could be that girl, if that makes any sense.

(sorry for my english mistakes).

Welcome to Susan's Place.

1. The only person who can answer the question of you being transgender is you. You show many of the signs but only you know how you feel. From how you answer the button question, it sounds like you are.

2. If you really want to become a woman, you need to make a plan that will get you to that point. I knew at 13 what I was but it wasn't until I reached 30 that I had surgery. Working and saving everything I could paid for my medical cost. Some find insurance or their countries medical program will pay a good deal of the cost. Others find they can live as a woman without surgery and be happy. You will have to decide the path you wish to take in life. Many of us will put everything we have into making the transition happen. What are you willing to do?

3. It's possible you are bisexual but it's also possible that society is forcing you to prefer one gender over the other. You will want to explore this but it make no difference in determining if you are transgender.

I can't tell you in advance how you will turn out. Not all women are Hot and sexy so you shouldn't expect to turn out that way. Yes you could but there is no way to tell in advance. I am happy just being a woman and it's not important to me that I be the most attractive one around.

Because you want to know more, I am giving you two links to explore. The first is our WIKI which will explain more about the transgender family. The second is "the transition channel" that will may help answer the question "Are you transgender?"

Feel free to ask any questions you might have by posting on this thread.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

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Quote from: Dena on May 19, 2016, 09:19:03 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place.

1. The only person who can answer the question of you being transgender is you. You show many of the signs but only you know how you feel. From how you answer the button question, it sounds like you are.

First of all i have to say Thanks for your reply
I don't know if it means anything but the button question is something that I have in my mind for few years now.
It's not something I red anywhere, I came up with it on my own

Quote from: Dena on May 19, 2016, 09:19:03 PM
2. If you really want to become a woman, you need to make a plan that will get you to that point. I knew at 13 what I was but it wasn't until I reached 30 that I had surgery. Working and saving everything I could paid for my medical cost. Some find insurance or their countries medical program will pay a good deal of the cost. Others find they can live as a woman without surgery and be happy. You will have to decide the path you wish to take in life. Many of us will put everything we have into making the transition happen. What are you willing to do?

My question was... what if I decide to not transition?
I know it's a stupid question but I'm scared to transition for many reasons.
So my question is if there is a way that I could live a happy life as a guy even if im probably a transgender person.
Maybe someone who decided to not transition and is happy can give me his point of view ?

Quote from: Dena on May 19, 2016, 09:19:03 PMI can't tell you in advance how you will turn out. Not all women are Hot and sexy so you shouldn't expect to turn out that way. Yes you could but there is no way to tell in advance. I am happy just being a woman and it's not important to me that I be the most attractive one around.

Don't get me wrong I don't want to be the most attractive one around also.
I'm just saying that I surely don't want to look like a monster and that I would like to have someone look at me and think I am somewhat pretty cause otherwise I would feel very depressed i think.
Is it wrong to feel that way?

Quote from: virtual on May 19, 2016, 09:57:57 PM
My question was... what if I decide to not transition?
I know it's a stupid question but I'm scared to transition for many reasons.
So my question is if there is a way that I could live a happy life as a guy even if im probably a transgender person.
Maybe someone who decided to not transition and is happy can give me his point of view ?

The discomfort you feel will remain and over time you will lose your ability to resist it if you do nothing. We have a number of people on the site who haven't transitioned and have found ways to remain in guy mode. For some, "vacations" will do. Others dress more feminine and some use HRT with a blocker and controlled estrogen levels to suppress the transgender urge. Much of it comes down to what would make you comfortable. We exist only to inform you of your options and not to force you into a particular life.

Quote
Don't get me wrong I don't want to be the most attractive one around also.
I'm just saying that I surely don't want to look like a monster and that I would like to have someone look at me and think I am somewhat pretty cause otherwise I would feel very depressed i think.
Is it wrong to feel that way?

Not everybody can pass effectively but the most important lesson to learn is to be happy even if you don't pass. Much of it like with a CIS woman, it depends on how much work you put into it. I have seen old pictures from the 1800's where the women weren't very attractive. Those women are still with us today but they use makeup and hair style to make the most of what they have. Facial surgery is available but to be honest, many can pass effectively without it. Should you decide on transitioning, there are many here who can help you with your appearance.

You claim to be scared of transitioning your not alone we have all felt that same feeling.
Let me guess you're worried about what will people think or say and would they except you to be you true self.
Going through life you can't live for other people you have to live life for your self.
It takes courage and strength to transition and it doesn't happen overnight.
I've been living as a girl full time as of January and I was scared in the beginning,but the person inside was dieing to live and I couldn't suppress it any longer heaven knows I tried and did for almost 40 years there was no good that came from doing this for that I wasn't happy and my life was out of control doing many different street drugs to try to be happy but only finding more problems and no answers.
Don't go down that road it's the road to misery.
The good news is when you live your life as your true self with inner integerdy you will be truly happy it's always taking the first steps are the hardest the not knowing,but after you take the first step the second and the third it gets some much easier and after you do this becomes normal and feels like your on top of the world.
Be true to your self and live life for you and everything will fall into place it takes time and it's not cheap road so have a game plan set goals and be happy and proud of who you are don't live in fear of who you are

Quote from: Kulena on May 19, 2016, 11:27:30 PM
You claim to be scared of transitioning your not alone we have all felt that same feeling.
Let me guess you're worried about what will people think or say and would they except you to be you true self.
Going through life you can't live for other people you have to live life for your self.
It takes courage and strength to transition and it doesn't happen overnight.
I've been living as a girl full time as of January and I was scared in the beginning,but the person inside was dieing to live and I couldn't suppress it any longer heaven knows I tried and did for almost 40 years there was no good that came from doing this for that I wasn't happy and my life was out of control doing many different street drugs to try to be happy but only finding more problems and no answers.
Don't go down that road it's the road to misery.
The good news is when you live your life as your true self with inner integerdy you will be truly happy it's always taking the first steps are the hardest the not knowing,but after you take the first step the second and the third it gets some much easier and after you do this becomes normal and feels like your on top of the world.
Be true to your self and live life for you and everything will fall into place it takes time and it's not cheap road so have a game plan set goals and be happy and proud of who you are don't live in fear of who you are

Thanks for your reply!

Here are a few resources that could help you :

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847638.html#msg1847638

You could get informed how the process for transgender people works in your country, and look for an experienced gender therapist to help you trough.

Here is a thread about bridging treatment:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209674.msg1857733.html#msg1857733


hugs

Virtual, you have a lot in common with a lot of the people here.  Playing video games as a different gender is actually a very common sign of being transgender, as is wishing you could suddenly become the other gender.  Fantasizing that you are the other gender during masturbation is also a fairly common sign.

I realize that in your situation privacy may be in short supply, but there are limited ways to express femininity in the real world to see how it fits you -- such as wearing female underwear, introducing female clothes into your wardrobe that are not too obvious, such as skinny jeans and T shirts, and flat women's shoes, like slides or espadrilles.

You can also grow your hair out, and slick it back or wear it in a ponytail when you need to portray as male.

But you should really access some therapy in your own country.  Hopefully you have health insurance coverage or the government provides health coverage.  Get online, do your homework, find what is available.  If you are diagnosed and get on hormones, then you can become the girl you are dreaming of.