Hi jennifer. I don't know if this even applies to you or not but I thought I would throw my 2 cents in anyway.  Maybe it might be appropriate for others viewing this thread.

I think mostly suicidal ideation is a result of clinical depression.  Yes we trangsender people try to commit suicide at alarmingly high rates (as I know only too personally as I survived a series of attempts back in 1984)  but we are people just like cis people and it seems to me that depression is the root cause of suicide.  If one is contemplating suicide I say seek professional help early and often because depression, once the stigma is removed, is quite treatable through a combination of therapy and or medication.

I successfully handled the dragon of suicidal ideation through treatment long before I embraced my transgender identity. Cuz I'm still here, right?  I haven't defeated my depression. I probably never will. It is like a beast that stalks my perimeter always looking for and just waiting for a way in.  But I have tools to handle it.  It's easier to recognize now and manage.  Also, I have a deep and abiding respect for its power and can never let my guard down against it.  Yes stuffing one's transgender identity is a cause of depression but there are more causes than just that.  If I wouldn't have sought help early, I never would have survived long enough to eventually come to terms will my transgender self. Now I am on the road of transition and it's wonderful.  All the best and be well.

Quote from: Jane Emily on June 06, 2016, 08:03:19 PM
Hi jennifer. I don't know if this even applies to you or not but I thought I would throw my 2 cents in anyway.  Maybe it might be appropriate for others viewing this thread.

I think mostly suicidal ideation is a result of clinical depression.  Yes we trangsender people try to commit suicide at alarmingly high rates (as I know only too personally as I survived a series of attempts back in 1984)  but we are people just like cis people and it seems to me that depression is the root cause of suicide.  If one is contemplating suicide I say seek professional help early and often because depression, once the stigma is removed, is quite treatable through a combination of therapy and or medication.

I successfully handled the dragon of suicidal ideation through treatment long before I embraced my transgender identity. Cuz I'm still here, right?  I haven't defeated my depression. I probably never will. It is like a beast that stalks my perimeter always looking for and just waiting for a way in.  But I have tools to handle it.  It's easier to recognize now and manage.  Also, I have a deep and abiding respect for its power and can never let my guard down against it.  Yes stuffing one's transgender identity is a cause of depression but there are more causes than just that.  If I wouldn't have sought help early, I never would have survived long enough to eventually come to terms will my transgender self. Now I am on the road of transition and it's wonderful.  All the best and be well.

Thanks Jane Emily same to you. Nice message. I am feeling especially happy during the last 18 hours or so because I'm fully accepted as beautiful Jennifer at work I love, living situation is great and everyone accepts me as beautiful Jennifer, plus I've done some more super outrageous sexy flirting I usually get 3 to 4 simultaneous phone calls and 4 to 8 simultaneously chat boxes pop up and there is only time to talk with SOME of the men so I choose who I feel happiest chatting and flirting with -- plus the occasional Girl Talk chat privately simultaneously with trans female friends in between the flirting -- most of the men seem to be excited I will likely get really big boobies at month's end or so, and I've been exchanging tips about that with trans female friends.

I flirted outrageously in the last 12 hours with a crossdressing man about 30 from North Carolina. He has waited patiently a couple months or so to get a videochat with me. Besides getting him all worked up < giggles > we also paused from the flirting long enough to actually have an intelligent conversation about his state's outrageous bathroom laws. He told me he sure won't be voting for their bigoted governor next go-round. He told me he will vote Democrat to show respect for trans rights.

Trans ladies if you are seeking dates don't overlook crossdressing men. They are men not women and that's fine and great it makes them happy. But I also find that crossdressing men often have a nice softer side too.

My online date with this NC 30 yo man in the last 24 hours was just that -- online only -- but since going full-time 24 7 Jennifer I've had in-person real world sexual dates with about 5 or 6 or so crossdressing men. It has been thoroughly fun for me when I've done that and fun for the men too. It's likely I will do that again sometime with a crossdressing man -- unless I get engaged to a hetero cis man before that.

Smiles right now from,
Jennifer xx

Quote from: JenniferLopezgomez on June 06, 2016, 03:56:47 PM
Great point Autumn. I've made even more changes in the last week or so, mostly online. My real life is already going very well at the moment. In online places I am simply doing what I enjoy (outrageous sexy flirting with many men regardless of what many women think about that) and medium amount of Girl-Talk private chat with trans female friends and much more limited public posting in trans groups. My day to day real life work is going great as 24 7 full time beautiful Jennifer.

I might be able to get married sometime soon as many men have shown interest in this -- just might have to re-locate again to do this. If not anytime soon in real life, that's okay too.

My next major project is to get DD or DDD boob surgery, and I may very well have enough money for this by the end of this month of June -- even without help from a man. 

Although, getting some help from a man to help me pay for part of my boobie surgery would make it so I wouldn;t have to spend ALL of my money to get the boob job.

The boob job is so important to me, though, that even if I don't get help from a man, I will do it all on my own just as soon as I can afford it which is likely the end of THIS month.....wow!

Even if this puts me at flat broke. I don't give a damn. I am not 20 years old anymore. SEIZE THE DAY GET MY BIG BOOBS FOR EVEN MORE HAPPINESS EVEN IF IT MAKES ME flat broke for a couple of months.

Jennifer xx

Good luck. Continue making the best of your time, and as the Zorba the Greek said, "leave death nothing but a burned-out castle."

I've always dealt with bullying head on matey bar the door style,it got so bad the bullies started too leave me alone,guess this transwoman is meaner then cis men. Suicide has been my second companion in life,tried drinking myself too death,didn't work for alcohol doesn't effect me like most, tried playing chicken with a 18 wheeler wound up in a ditch, tried a few other ways to end the pain. I've always been female trapped in a body that is confusing half woman,half male, but I realized life is for living and since the last attempt at 18yrs,i've lived the last 33yrs to the fullest with no regrets.

Quote from: cheryl reeves on June 07, 2016, 01:08:23 PM
I've always dealt with bullying head on matey bar the door style,it got so bad the bullies started too leave me alone,guess this transwoman is meaner then cis men. Suicide has been my second companion in life,tried drinking myself too death,didn't work for alcohol doesn't effect me like most, tried playing chicken with a 18 wheeler wound up in a ditch, tried a few other ways to end the pain. I've always been female trapped in a body that is confusing half woman,half male, but I realized life is for living and since the last attempt at 18yrs,i've lived the last 33yrs to the fullest with no regrets.

You sure have had better results with bullies than I have. They are leaving me alone most often now which is very good.

Had a now former friend in last 24 hours who describes herself as genderqueer make a snide public post deriding my sexy beautiful feminine pose on the bed in the long black dress you see above, by making a snide comment about my teeth and calling me "mate." Rather than get depressed and suicidal about it I immediately deleted their public post then sent them a PM explaining why I was unfriending them, that I wll no longer allow bullies to spoil my happiness, that "mate" is a word used to describe a MAN which they very well know I am not, that the beautiful photo they are denigrating shows Jennifer a stunning lady. that I could return the favor and intentionally publicly misgender them in a few places but that I am too polite to do so and don't go around bullying people like they do.

I said good luck in life, they typed ADIOS in Spanish, and then they blocked me. Good riddance. If they really don't like my physical appearance that much. by all means unfriend me I don't want bigoted twits like them as my friend anyway. Anyone who doesn't like my physical appearance or maybe harbours undue jealousy against my physical beauty to the point they feel they must resort to publicly knowingly misgendering me and insulting my beautiful photo -- well now I have the attitude that such twits are now being banished from my life forever.

My advice for happiness I have learned is to tell the bigots. naysayers, and intentional misgenderers to take a hike.

I have flirted with about 15 different wonderful MEN online in the last 24 hours, out of many dozens of men who have attempted to initiate videocalls with me or private chat with me in the last 24 hours. I feel very happy.

Those who disagree with what brings me happiness can take a hike. I feel ALIVE and very happy.

Jennifer Lopezgomez on a wonderful day.
xx

Well it wasn't fun dealing with bullies for I got suspended alot and the bully was sent back to class, but the thing is I stood up for myself and wouldn't back down. But when I took one bully down,I always had another take their place. This went on for 15yrs but I never let em bring me down to their level, and I dealt with all kinds of bullies. The worse are blks and mexicans for they fight in packs and it's never a fair fight but I had respect among em and they left me alone.. Life is for living and of one walks a different path then so be it and I will defend their right to be who they want to be,have always done that protecting those who are weak. I hope you luck on finding a man that's right for you.

Quote from: Jane Emily on June 06, 2016, 08:03:19 PM
I think mostly suicidal ideation is a result of clinical depression.  Yes we trangsender people try to commit suicide at alarmingly high rates (as I know only too personally as I survived a series of attempts back in 1984)  but we are people just like cis people and it seems to me that depression is the root cause of suicide.  If one is contemplating suicide I say seek professional help early and often because depression, once the stigma is removed, is quite treatable through a combination of therapy and or medication.

This avoids the question of the "root cause" of that depression.

Depression can be caused by being in an intolerable situation, for instance in a situation in which one's personhood is under constant threat and attack: in the present, in the past ("trauma"), or both.  Leelah Alcorn is an example of someone whose personhood was under constant, persistent attack, so it's not surprising that she killed herself.  Whether you say that it was "depression" that led her to kill herself or "oppression," the root cause was the soul-destroying treatment she had received and continued to receive.

"Therapy and medication" only work when something effective is done about the root cause of the depression, which for trans people is the oppression they suffer under.  One strong bit of evidence for that is the recent study that showed that trans children that receive love and appropriate support actually do better than the population at large, wherease those that don't receive it have that high rate of suicide and suicidal ideation (not to mention self-destructive behaviors) that everyone talks about.

This is BTW a long-standing criticism of conventional mental health treatment: it ignores the effect of society and oppression.  For instance, black people were routinely diagnosed as psychotic for their "delusion" that people were out to get them, a diagnosis that ignored the all-too-obvious fact that the society they lived in (the USA) was in fact out to get them, and thus their "paranoia" was based in fact, not delusion.

In my case, my suicidal levels of depression dropped dramatically but did not go away once I moved away from home, a home that was clearly toxic, though I'm still trying to figure out in what way.  Decades of therapy after that and several multi-year courses of medication did not make a dent in my depression.  What has made a difference?

1.  I allowed myself to express my gender-variance and, more recently, started to transition.

2.  Reimagining my childhood as it wasn't, but should have been if the adults around me had actually thought what was happening to me mattered.

Both aspects were about dealing with past and present oppressions.

I've recently gone off medication, after several months of HRT, and the suicidal thoughts are mostly gone.  They only come back when I'm under a lot of stress, which I think isn't surprising.