Yeah I seriously want to get tested and as for disability I've done some reading and it seems getting on disability from being diagnosed with autism as an adult is incredibly difficult. I wouldn't be able to afford an attorney that handles these cases heck I couldn't afford to be tested if it really costs thousands.   

This:  https://www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/by-state/136/Where%20to%20get%20an%20Autism%20Diagnosis/TN

Such an excellent list thank you

Searching for why I was weird, all my life, I progressively discovered that the best person to help me was... myself, with my reasoning and intelligence.

Read on autism, then read again, it will serve you much better than getting a diagnostic.

There is no cure to autism, you just have to learn to live with it, try to go around it, and for that, you need to see it, know what it is, how your brain processes things differently.

Quote from: King Phoenix on June 19, 2016, 05:49:37 PM
But I don't think all autistic people are geniuses or even skilled at certain things.

me neither, probably just a minority have that kind of special skill, I don't have one, just I thought that the way Emily talked about her map reading skill, it sounded like that could be one. One thing is certain, for an autistic brain, it's easier to concentrate on One thing while letting the rest of the world wayyy behind, that's just the way autistic brains work... not a general perception but rather many very specific perceptions.

I'm telling you, Emily, you don't need to be tested for that, nor for anything else, there is not one person or program or organization that will help you, you are the one who can help yourself. You're on your own.

Get information about yourself, read, search, but search not for someone to help you, you are that person.

and of course, since you are a very intelligent girl, if you are not in the autistic spectrum, while reading on it, you will see if you are or not in that spectrum, it will either be very obvious or look odd and strange. For me, it was a revelation to read how others in the spectrum felt, the Aspie forums. On the thread I put a link to in my other post, there is someone describing something very similar to what you describe unable to find a job.

anyways, read 

Quote from: Soli on June 20, 2016, 09:01:26 AM
Searching for why I was weird, all my life, I progressively discovered that the best person to help me was... myself, with my reasoning and intelligence.

Read on autism, then read again, it will serve you much better than getting a diagnostic.

There is no cure to autism, you just have to learn to live with it, try to go around it, and for that, you need to see it, know what it is, how your brain processes things differently.


me neither, probably just a minority have that kind of special skill, I don't have one, just I thought that the way Emily talked about her map reading skill, it sounded like that could be one. One thing is certain, for an autistic brain, it's easier to concentrate on One thing while letting the rest of the world wayyy behind, that's just the way autistic brains work... not a general perception but rather many very specific perceptions.

I'm telling you, Emily, you don't need to be tested for that, nor for anything else, there is not one person or program or organization that will help you, you are the one who can help yourself. You're on your own.

Get information about yourself, read, search, but search not for someone to help you, you are that person.

and of course, since you are a very intelligent girl, if you are not in the autistic spectrum, while reading on it, you will see if you are or not in that spectrum, it will either be very obvious or look odd and strange. For me, it was a revelation to read how others in the spectrum felt, the Aspie forums. On the thread I put a link to in my other post, there is someone describing something very similar to what you describe unable to find a job.

anyways, read 

I did some reading at the site and gotta say I relate to a good number of people on there especially those who struggle to get a job and be good at their job. I might join.

As for the subject of being tested and diagnosed by a professional, I rather go through with it when I can because I think it'll benefit me in the long run like being able to use job help centers that cater to those with autism, I could possibly get on disability if it comes down to that, and if I do eventually land a job having proper documentation might help with keeping the job in some ways. Overall in my case I believe getting tested is necessary.

yes of course, if you can get an ASD diagnostic, do that (i'd like to get one also), as you say it may help you, but what I meant is that it will not be a solution per say, as opposed to getting to know autism possibly (most probably) being a real solution for right now. Really.

If you are in the autistic spectrum disorder (maybe that's not the case), getting to know the disorder will really help you, more than HRT I would say, which can come in time when you are resting on more solid ground, because transitioning is not easy, and could actually lead you into worst times than now if you don't firstly find ways to get on your own (and find a job, yes you can... maybe not in Tennessee), and understanding why you don't get a job or can't perform is a good first step in trying to work around that difficulty.

you don't necessarily need to join Wrong Planet, just read through threads, there are other sites, there are many, many persons like you, Emily. If you want I can try to gather some book titles or websites so that you start to understand... why you have a learning disability... not because you are not intelligent. Not at all. I quit school at 16 before going back to college and University 8 years after and getting a degree.

actually it took me a while to get over the fact that I don't really have a personality, rather a list of autistic traits.

so if you are in that ASD gang like me, you will find that the only way to survive is to get to know what's happening (in your head, in other people's head when they see you) and slalom between the rocks. Well you need to see the rocks.

and I think you write very well and should look for work that involves your writing and thinking abilities... Skills, yes you do have great skills, others on your threads have noted it also. I told you that before, Emily, but you keep focusing on the fact that you had so many defeats... you're giving up? At 24?

Why do you say you cannot go live in a large city? I'm not American but I just can't believe that. You can get a room, afterwards a small apt., a job, for they hire weird people in large cities (just look up ads in large cities' classifieds and you will see what you can get). Why can't you get a job? Well you're possibly ASD, but you live in Tennessee, I think that's why. Period. Sorry to any Tennessean that my words could hurt, but, uhhh... yep, really, a large city. One where there is a decent subway system so you can move around easy and not bother with driving, which is out, at least up here, not trendy to be a car driver anymore.

hang on, life is tough for us too you know. For everyone. For different reasons, but no one has it easy.

Get the information, all the information about the world, about yourself, and then you'll see, your brain will be able to process. You're just lacking information about what's going on. (and I think your parents aren't helping on that side either, getting away from them will make you see the world differently)

and again... no one has a key-in-hand solution for you, only you can find the solution.

Soli

It is indeed a tough life...

What can I say... diagnosed borderline, bipolar, ocd and avoidant personality disorder here. The last few months they made me aware I'm not like other people, and never will be. I have a long road to recovery from all these things, and honestly, I'm not sure that I make it. Even if I make it, years will pass... wanting to die everyday, since I was 12. There have been days when I don't want to die, but they're quickly overshadowed by depression. All this on top of being trans. Each day I wonder what I'm still doing here. There is not much help. They talk with me, but it's all they can do. It is scary to think there is no help, at all.

Mental illness is the worst illness, because everyone thinks you're healthy, while you're not. I have a 10-20% chance of dying from my mental illness. In fact, it is physical illness because the brain doesn't work like it should.

Well... I just move along, hoping for better days. 

Quote from: 2cherry on June 21, 2016, 02:02:11 AM
It is indeed a tough life...

Well... I just move along, hoping for better days. 

   Hello dear, the times are hard here too but nothing like what you have to fight. I've been totaly alone for a year now and it went well for a while but for a couple of months now loneliness caught up with me and the pain and the tears are constant. Having no one to talk to and no one who cares is not very healthy but it can be changed, I don't know how but eventualy I'll find a way. Anyway, hang in there I hope things get better for you and if you want to talk, I'm here. Peace and best wishes, Rose.

Am afraid I don't live in Nashville. 

Having just read Cindi Jones' autobiography (and recommend it) I would say you need to write out some goals and how to reach them.  Along the way you will need to learn to drive or have reliable transportation.  Without that no one will want you as an employee.  I have to do the same, a plan, a path to get there.  If you need help let me know.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
If you are in the autistic spectrum disorder (maybe that's not the case), getting to know the disorder will really help you, more than HRT I would say, which can come in time when you are resting on more solid ground, because transitioning is not easy, and could actually lead you into worst times than now if you don't firstly find ways to get on your own (and find a job, yes you can... maybe not in Tennessee), and understanding why you don't get a job or can't perform is a good first step in trying to work around that difficulty.

Being able to be on my own is perhaps my biggest barrier to moving forward with my life I don't know how I'm expected to make ends meet if it's impossible to get a job. Any help of how to survive on my own is appreciated. I've pretty much done just about all I can to help myself at this point I may just have to depend on others for help.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
If you want I can try to gather some book titles or websites so that you start to understand... why you have a learning disability... not because you are not intelligent.

I'd like that actually it can be real helpful for understanding. Thanks.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM
and I think you write very well and should look for work that involves your writing and thinking abilities... Skills, yes you do have great skills, others on your threads have noted it also. I told you that before, Emily, but you keep focusing on the fact that you had so many defeats... you're giving up? At 24?

Honestly I'm quite surprised ya think my writing is actually good cause I actually have difficulty in the writing department as well I get writer's block a lot even when writing replies on here. It's a wonder I made through not just high school english class but college as well I was terrible with writing essays and summaries lol. But yeah thank you glad ya do like the way I write it does make me feel a little better. I wish I knew a way to figure out how to gain other skills these last four years alone I've been trying to gain other skills outside of reading maps and history but to no avail.

Quote from: Soli on June 21, 2016, 01:53:35 AM

Why do you say you cannot go live in a large city? I'm not American but I just can't believe that.

Because large cities are very expensive to live in nowadays. Rent prices in every U.S. major city are going nowhere but up. Right now Nashville is facing a housing affordability crisis so bad that even long time residents that been there for decades are being forced out cause they can no longer afford the skyrocketing rent. Yeah I know I cam simply live in an area outside but even places around Nashville are starting to suffer the same fate. Overall America is facing an affordability crisis. 

 

first, yes, your writing is good, the syntax is always very good, you seem to have a very good grammar and spelling (Engl is not my 1st language but it seems quite perfect). I didn't find the other user who had replied the same to you on another thread but if you have writer's block and had trouble in College or High School, it has nothing to do with your ability to write and think, I would say more about autistic traits or other disorder that does so that you have a hard time with assignments and rules and school in general, plus the social pressure of peers (and parents, whatever), not with the writing per say, as for everything else, actually. You can work like anyone, just not at the same pace.

So your troubles in school don't have much to do with your mental capacities. Nothing, actually. You are obviously very intelligent and express your thoughts clearly with rich and complex sentences that show the thinking behind. The ''learning disability'' you say you have is not a disability to learn at all, just differently, at a different pace, in a different context (alone with a book or a computer for example instead of in a class with peer pressure and social skills you probably lack needed).

So... I had written this earlier on Word, after the little Google searches I did for you and thinking about the fact that it's been a few times now if not more that you claim that research on the subject is closed and its conclusion is that you will never work, and thinking also about what you say about large cities. Here goes, it might not always be gentle, but as an ASD, I claim the right to say things as they are.

Are you sure, Emily, you're not mostly relying on impressions rather than actual facts and researches you did? I mean as for the price of a room in a large US city, as for the fact that you state that don't have any skills, that you will NOT be able to find a job... that would actually sound like (me haha, yes it does, me before I found out I was ASD) autism traits. Yeah, you went to the end of a reasoning and classified the result, this question solved: I ain't gonna be able to find a job. ASDs are like that. They reason. So you reasoned these out somehow, maybe only with false perceptions or info, but still you did reason that, you trust your reason, the conclusion is immuable and solid like a rock. I went through that, the answer is X. Solved.

Haha, no. You need to look again. I mean always... like you have to have doubts about yourself... You need to question all of your assumptions about the world and about yourself since they may be wrong, for if as I think you are ASD, you have a tendancy to lock forever any issue that went trough your mind.

ASDs also have a hard time being themselves for they don't know what is that, myself. It's an ongoing and lifelong question: who am I? How to define myself. Some stick to very rigid models and find comfort in that, models like uhhh, the one your parents are trying to force on you. It could have worked, it works on certain autistic persons who find comfort in the fact that they don't have precisely, to wonder about who they are, they just copy, follow the model. Others don't find comfort at all in that and are usually seen by their peers as weirdos, fitting none of the human categories... artists are often ASD (or other condition).

So that's why I say there is a link between autism and transsexualism... can't define oneself... so that's... like a way to define oneself, copy a model, the female model since cannot fit the male model. Well there is more to it but this is an issue the scientific community has barely searched. All that is clear is that there are many trans who are ASD, much, much more than in general population. It's my theory that autism and transsexualism are linked but the numbers are there.


Anyways, autistic people, Aspies, Asperger, have a tendency like that to lock their opinion on something and by reading on autism you will (again if you are ASD) see yourself described, piece by piece, like your
''Fascination with maps, globes, and routes.'' and your ''tendency to discuss self rather than others'' (not so sure about this one, but you do only post about yourself on here)

I will find more links for you on autism, this is just a few quick searches on Google, but first, another few quick Google searches show me that renting a room in a large US city is a little more expensive than in Montréal where I am, but I'm sure other Canadian cities are similar to what you can find in USA (Montréal is cheapest), that is 450-650$ a month. Well it's not the same dollar but anyways, is this totally unaffordable for you, between 450 and 700$ a month for a room? If you have a job... I dunno the salaries in the US.

You need to get to a large enough city so there is a public transit system that can get you to the job you will find in a service station, as a janitor in hospital or at the parking booth of that hospital, I dunno, heck

You need to. Large city.

Otherwise, how do you move around? Otherwise you will always find the same wall to find a job. In a large city, life is different.

there is no way I could live away from my city, I don't have a drivers's license anymore, I'm trans and... did I tell you I'm unemployed? I spent my whole life struggling to get and keep my jobs, must have had 45 of them... But in large cities, it's more expensive, but there are more opportunities and tolerance, acceptance and comprehension towards trans and other kind of weirdos like me.

All your perceptions about you and about the world might need to be revised, Emily. Since I'm twice your age and also in a situation similar to yours, I can tell you they do. Mine were. Over time, humans learn and change, especially I would say autistic people, since it's very difficult to understand who we are... can't see the models, therefore no goals... everything takes much longer, your comprehension of yourself and the world around takes longer. It's far from being done so you cannot come to a fixed conclusion (can we ever in life? I say no)

anyways, I think it's unacceptable that you state that it's over, that the conclusion is that you will never find a job. Unacceptable, Emily, and I don't think you will find many people on this site or anywhere who can support you in that. No. You're wrong. You have to think again because you will be living this life, and you will be able one day to look back just like I can now on my life and think: oh my, was I ever a freakin idiot to think thaaat, now I know I was wrong. Yeah, that happened to me many times. I had many phases in my life... many times I did a complete change, many times I changed my mind completely on something. Feel I'm stepping up though... learning from every step.

Believe me Emily, you are wrong about yourself. For example, I learned reading your threads that you are into history and geography, that's all that of interest for you. So why the heck aren't you studying in history or geography? Suck at maths? well no need for maths in History. The example is this: the society around you convinced you that you that these are not good studies, leading to a no job situation. But deep inside, you know that's what you like, but you're not allowed to think this. You have to think big degree, big job, that's what the world is telling you (well change your world then)

That's dumb, one should do what they like. If you like what you do/study, you will succeed. It's very simple.

So study History, Emily, in a large city. That's what you should do. Yes why not? Yes you can. As for the job, it's just like for sure that you will find one in a large city, any student can find a part time job at the drugstore or grocery to fill the shelves at night.

Now come on... Work, use Google, search for a job in Seattle, whatever... All your assumptions about the world may be wrong. Do the searches. Do them again, then.

Do the work, do the searches, go to the library. Get excited about getting a degree in History.

Society does need historians. My studies were in literature and history, I loved these studies, and the degree got me jobs. (a degree, whichever, get you jobs)

Just uhhh, don't believe what people tell you about anything, especially about yourself, don't let them define you and fit you in a mold, just check it out for yourself (same goes for what I'm telling you), do the work, do the searches, extensively like you surely know how if you are ASD.

but you also have to learn that you must have the same doubts about your own mind and re-think, put back in question. Always do that in life.

so Emily, there is no one but your parents who will take you by the hand to show you things, you don't want that, I'm sure.

No one else will come with a solution, you are on you own. Take your own in own hands, that's all. Do da wok, type in Google: classifieds (large city name) rooms for rent; then type: autism barrier to employment... autism learning disability...

here's some of what I found on my quick searches


https://www.metroroommates.com/city_rentals/bostonarea_rentals.asp?sortby=mprice_up

http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/roo/5648894693.html

http://seattle.craigslist.org/tac/roo/5648888281.html

https://www.roomiematch.com/advice-Seattle.html

https://portland.craigslist.org/search/roo





http://aspennj.org/what-is-asperger-syndrome


anticipation
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1005617831035


http://themighty.com/2016/06/what-i-wish-people-would-remember-about-me-as-someone-on-the-spectrum/

Quote from: Soli on June 22, 2016, 09:44:36 PM
first, yes, your writing is good, the syntax is always very good, you seem to have a very good grammar and spelling (Engl is not my 1st language but it seems quite perfect). I didn't find the other user who had replied the same to you on another thread but if you have writer's block and had trouble in College or High School, it has nothing to do with your ability to write and think, I would say more about autistic traits or other disorder that does so that you have a hard time with assignments and rules and school in general, plus the social pressure of peers (and parents, whatever), not with the writing per say, as for everything else, actually. You can work like anyone, just not at the same pace.

So your troubles in school don't have much to do with your mental capacities. Nothing, actually. You are obviously very intelligent and express your thoughts clearly with rich and complex sentences that show the thinking behind. The ''learning disability'' you say you have is not a disability to learn at all, just differently, at a different pace, in a different context (alone with a book or a computer for example instead of in a class with peer pressure and social skills you probably lack needed).

So... I had written this earlier on Word, after the little Google searches I did for you and thinking about the fact that it's been a few times now if not more that you claim that research on the subject is closed and its conclusion is that you will never work, and thinking also about what you say about large cities. Here goes, it might not always be gentle, but as an ASD, I claim the right to say things as they are.

Are you sure, Emily, you're not mostly relying on impressions rather than actual facts and researches you did? I mean as for the price of a room in a large US city, as for the fact that you state that don't have any skills, that you will NOT be able to find a job... that would actually sound like (me haha, yes it does, me before I found out I was ASD) autism traits. Yeah, you went to the end of a reasoning and classified the result, this question solved: I ain't gonna be able to find a job. ASDs are like that. They reason. So you reasoned these out somehow, maybe only with false perceptions or info, but still you did reason that, you trust your reason, the conclusion is immuable and solid like a rock. I went through that, the answer is X. Solved.

Haha, no. You need to look again. I mean always... like you have to have doubts about yourself... You need to question all of your assumptions about the world and about yourself since they may be wrong, for if as I think you are ASD, you have a tendancy to lock forever any issue that went trough your mind.

ASDs also have a hard time being themselves for they don't know what is that, myself. It's an ongoing and lifelong question: who am I? How to define myself. Some stick to very rigid models and find comfort in that, models like uhhh, the one your parents are trying to force on you. It could have worked, it works on certain autistic persons who find comfort in the fact that they don't have precisely, to wonder about who they are, they just copy, follow the model. Others don't find comfort at all in that and are usually seen by their peers as weirdos, fitting none of the human categories... artists are often ASD (or other condition).

So that's why I say there is a link between autism and transsexualism... can't define oneself... so that's... like a way to define oneself, copy a model, the female model since cannot fit the male model. Well there is more to it but this is an issue the scientific community has barely searched. All that is clear is that there are many trans who are ASD, much, much more than in general population. It's my theory that autism and transsexualism are linked but the numbers are there.


Anyways, autistic people, Aspies, Asperger, have a tendency like that to lock their opinion on something and by reading on autism you will (again if you are ASD) see yourself described, piece by piece, like your
''Fascination with maps, globes, and routes.'' and your ''tendency to discuss self rather than others'' (not so sure about this one, but you do only post about yourself on here)

I will find more links for you on autism, this is just a few quick searches on Google, but first, another few quick Google searches show me that renting a room in a large US city is a little more expensive than in Montréal where I am, but I'm sure other Canadian cities are similar to what you can find in USA (Montréal is cheapest), that is 450-650$ a month. Well it's not the same dollar but anyways, is this totally unaffordable for you, between 450 and 700$ a month for a room? If you have a job... I dunno the salaries in the US.

You need to get to a large enough city so there is a public transit system that can get you to the job you will find in a service station, as a janitor in hospital or at the parking booth of that hospital, I dunno, heck

You need to. Large city.

Otherwise, how do you move around? Otherwise you will always find the same wall to find a job. In a large city, life is different.

there is no way I could live away from my city, I don't have a drivers's license anymore, I'm trans and... did I tell you I'm unemployed? I spent my whole life struggling to get and keep my jobs, must have had 45 of them... But in large cities, it's more expensive, but there are more opportunities and tolerance, acceptance and comprehension towards trans and other kind of weirdos like me.

All your perceptions about you and about the world might need to be revised, Emily. Since I'm twice your age and also in a situation similar to yours, I can tell you they do. Mine were. Over time, humans learn and change, especially I would say autistic people, since it's very difficult to understand who we are... can't see the models, therefore no goals... everything takes much longer, your comprehension of yourself and the world around takes longer. It's far from being done so you cannot come to a fixed conclusion (can we ever in life? I say no)

anyways, I think it's unacceptable that you state that it's over, that the conclusion is that you will never find a job. Unacceptable, Emily, and I don't think you will find many people on this site or anywhere who can support you in that. No. You're wrong. You have to think again because you will be living this life, and you will be able one day to look back just like I can now on my life and think: oh my, was I ever a freakin idiot to think thaaat, now I know I was wrong. Yeah, that happened to me many times. I had many phases in my life... many times I did a complete change, many times I changed my mind completely on something. Feel I'm stepping up though... learning from every step.

Believe me Emily, you are wrong about yourself. For example, I learned reading your threads that you are into history and geography, that's all that of interest for you. So why the heck aren't you studying in history or geography? Suck at maths? well no need for maths in History. The example is this: the society around you convinced you that you that these are not good studies, leading to a no job situation. But deep inside, you know that's what you like, but you're not allowed to think this. You have to think big degree, big job, that's what the world is telling you (well change your world then)

That's dumb, one should do what they like. If you like what you do/study, you will succeed. It's very simple.

So study History, Emily, in a large city. That's what you should do. Yes why not? Yes you can. As for the job, it's just like for sure that you will find one in a large city, any student can find a part time job at the drugstore or grocery to fill the shelves at night.

Now come on... Work, use Google, search for a job in Seattle, whatever... All your assumptions about the world may be wrong. Do the searches. Do them again, then.

Do the work, do the searches, go to the library. Get excited about getting a degree in History.

Society does need historians. My studies were in literature and history, I loved these studies, and the degree got me jobs. (a degree, whichever, get you jobs)

Just uhhh, don't believe what people tell you about anything, especially about yourself, don't let them define you and fit you in a mold, just check it out for yourself (same goes for what I'm telling you), do the work, do the searches, extensively like you surely know how if you are ASD.

but you also have to learn that you must have the same doubts about your own mind and re-think, put back in question. Always do that in life.

so Emily, there is no one but your parents who will take you by the hand to show you things, you don't want that, I'm sure.

No one else will come with a solution, you are on you own. Take your own in own hands, that's all. Do da wok, type in Google: classifieds (large city name) rooms for rent; then type: autism barrier to employment... autism learning disability...

here's some of what I found on my quick searches

One my biggest fears if I do ever land another job is yet again being "too slow" or simply considered being too incompetent for the job. How would I keep myself from being fired for a third time?? Unfortunately employers in my case don't seem to consider good work ethic and positive attitude. 

Again the issues of affording to live in a large city everything I mention about high costs are true and fact and Montreal might be cheaper than Nashville. I think American salaries are low compared to Canadian salaries even if ya have a higher cost of living. Truth is and I see evidence of this everyday is the unfortunate fact that having a simple minimum wage job doesn't help cover even the least of living expenses here in the cities heck it wouldn't help pay rent in the cheapest duplex in the small town I live near by. If I were employed and homeless I mean that'll help pay for hrt at least. $600 or $450 a month may seem cheap but if you're not making at least $40,000 a year after taxes good luck affording both rent and food that's the sad reality here in the States.

I don't know, Emily, the picture you paint of your country is so grim, I wonder why bunches of people from all around the world want to emigrate there and try to jump a fence on the southern border.

A quick search on Google tells me the difference is not that big between US and Canadian cities, average low wage in the US seems to be 9$ an hour, and it's 10.75$ here in Québec where I live, 11.25$ in Ontario where cost of living is higher, and our pay checks are always well amputated up here to pay for all our social measures, so in the end it's pretty much the same.

I share a 6 room apt with 4 other guys (well 2 for now) and pay 420$ for a large room. If I had a minimum wage salary, at say 35 hours a week, that's 1630$ a month, from which about 15% at least will be taken, so in the end you get something like 1385, less the room, less the bus/metro pass (82$), that leaves 885$ for 4 weeks of working, living, eating... that's not much.

Well I get less than that, I'm on welfare right now, and without some help, I'd eat only rice.

Not only you is in deep ->-bleeped-<-, Emily, most of us humans are.

It's difficult for everyone, there is no magic solution, all there is to do is roll up your sleeves and jump into life.

You can get a room in Boston, Seattle, Tacoma or Portland for 500$, and if you are studying History, you parents might even help you pay for it.

I say Boston because it's about same size as my city, 3 millions people in the large area, good public transit, many students... If I were to chose a US city, chances are it would be Boston, even if I'd rather the californian sun and freedom.

you talk about the prospect of becoming homeless, that's really a grim future, you deserve to yourself better than that. You shouldn't even consider that. That's not a future. Did you ever sleep on the street? I did when I was 17-20 years old, more by choice as I was hitchiking across the country, but uhhh... it's not something you want, let me tell you, and I can't see myself trying to transition while being homeless and not being able to wash and shave every day. You quickly slip into a downward whirl and might end up in alleys doing whatever to get some money if you see what I mean.

So listen, Emily, stop hoping for a magic solution, roll up your sleeves and jump into life.

Stop saying you have no skills for it's not true

Stop saying you won't get a job, repeating that to yourself and others is really the best way to make it happen (and not get a job)

You need to use positive reinforcement, tell yourself you can do it.

For example, transitioning, do you foresee that it's not going to work, your breasts not growing, no changes on your body, or do you think it would help you, it would work and with time make you pass as a woman?

Probably your answer is B, you think it would work, you believe it will.

Don't you?

Well you have no idea!!!

You have no guarantee it will, some girls here struggle to have HRT working how they'd like to. But you believe it will and seek for it. You are motivated.

Same for the rest, Emily.

It's the same! If you believe in it, get the right information like you did for your future transition...

it gives you a goal

Right now you have no goal except transitionning whereas that cannot be your prime concern right now. To get there, you need to put in efforts, get information, contacts, work your way out of the bush (Tennessee) and get in the clear, believe you can make it...

Motivation follows this belief and motivation brings in actions, and usually positively.

You can make it, I really believe you can. That is if YOU believe in it.

this kind of abstraction (believing) is very difficult for people on the ASD, but not impossible since you do believe in your transition.

just stop being so negative and the world will change

see, motivation, I'm myself starting to want to move to Seattle Tacoma area after doing this search, I see it growing in my head, starting to picture myself there. It's a cool place

http://jobview.monster.com/customer-service-representative-100791-job-puyallup-wa-us-166774626.aspx?mescoid=4300715001001&jobPosition=9

https://tacoma.claz.org/classifieds/housing/for-rent/rooms?q=craigslist

http://www.simplyhired.com/job/fc-client-service-rep-i-teller-part-time-20-hrs-job/bank-of-america/bcgdf7bnfd?cid=jphoeqjqmhlayyhogfnllxoayhmexctf

http://www.snagajob.com/job-seeker/jobs/job-details.aspx?postingid=26271992&oq=part+time&item=5&searchid=cd946da3-7187-b502-ba2a-94f4f0b88111&src=title

http://www.juju.com/job/Front-Desk-Service-Rep-14-Hourly-Seattle-WA-00000000v0e68l?impression_id=ni3r4ewLQpSO0pMkab8LaQ&partnerid=5d6c0e5d8f6e042f0eb42f84320e2aa1&channel=Groovejob&k=Part-time+OR+Hourly&l=Tacoma%2C+WA&c=&cluster_id=223756649&track_from=publisher

http://www.indeed.com/cmp/Noble-House-Hotels-and-Resorts/jobs/Reservation-Sales-Agent-c28098e04aede637?sjdu=QwrRXKrqZ3CNX5W-O9jEvYMLC9H26-1qdSAyouLEd8KllS-_QJLNfniYahGskZyAm3qy-NRm-fzSLMxWqtIwSzeBJwb_dF1_Ym6ZnBbuo2E

http://www.indeed.com/q-College-Student-l-Seattle,-WA-jobs.html

A note about "Autism Speaks":

That organization has a really bad reputation among a lot of autistic people.  The Wikipedia article on Autism Speaks describes some of the issues, although IMHO it underplays just how widespread opposition to them is among autistic people.

The main controversy is that Autism Speaks regards autism as an affliction to be eliminated, whereas a lot of autistic people see their autism as an essential part of who they are and see the "elimination" of it as an attempt to eliminate them.  Rather the way cis society sees transgender people as a problem to be eliminated rather than as unique human beings who society should be prepared to accommodate.

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_model_of_disability

Thanks Asche for pointing that out, I didn't know them.

I removed a linked I had put to their site.

True there is no possible cure and there are many people pretending to cure, grabbing big money from families by selling them an impossible dream. I don't remember the name of a certain Dr I grabbed the book at the library when researching on autism, he had an italian sounding name and claimed his method cured autism, he has clinics all over the states. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Then they find ways to convince the parents that their child did do progress (when in fact nothing really changed) and asking more money to take the treatment to then end. It's some kind of a fraud. There has been big controversies in France over that type of treatments.

Thanks for the link on social model of disability, that's true, society is problematic, not that much those who stand out from the crowd.

I'm still unsure myself what attitude to take about autism. Is it a brain that failed to develop normally for some reason? Is it just another type of human that has always been there? I feel my brain being defective in that it obviously doesn't function the same way as the brain of the vast majority of people I meet in life, and that I struggled all my life to get and keep jobs, lost friends, got fooled big time... Then I look at my family, and I figure there is a very big chance my ancestor who came from France 350 years ago was the same as me, autistic. My father, my son, my grand-father, my nephew, his son... I can see 5 generations that is in ASD (according to me), so maybe yeah, we're just another type of human, but it sure is a disability since we are a minority and, as you point out, designated as disable, so... If the majority of people say I'm disabled, I am, just like if everyone in the room thinks I'm a woman, therefore I am. haha... Autism makes me wonder and think a lot. Still not sure what to advocate.

Quote from: Soli on June 23, 2016, 02:27:27 PM
I'm still unsure myself what attitude to take about autism. Is it a brain that failed to develop normally for some reason? Is it just another type of human that has always been there? I feel my brain being defective in that it obviously doesn't function the same way as the brain of the vast majority of people I meet in life, and that I struggled all my life to get and keep jobs, lost friends, got fooled big time...

(For what theories are worth ....)

My personal theory is that autism is present and continues to be present in human populations because having some autistic people helps the population at large.  My experience is that neurotypical people are more susceptible to kind of a herd mentality.  That's necessary to keep a culture going, but if everyone is like that, then the group can't adapt to new situations.  But walking a different path from everyone else is hard (it comes with a great social cost), so a tribe/population/etc. needs a few people who just can't think and do and be like everyone else to scout out alternatives and keep an eye out for problems with How We've Always Done It.

That some people end up getting too much and can't fit in at all wouldn't bother evolution.  It's a bit like sickle-cell trait: if you've got just one copy of the gene it protects you from malaria, it's only if you have two that you have sickle-cell anemia.  From evolution's point of view, a reasonable trade-off if malaria is common.

Anyway, this theory makes me feel better about having been weird all my life, and that's all I really ask of it.

P.S.:

I'm not diagnosed with an ASD, but one of my sons is, and I know three other people in my family (in my generation and my parents') who are an awful lot like him, and the rest of us aren't all that different once you get to know us (maybe we just hide it better.) So I've been diagnosing myself as having "a touch of autism."

I also say of people in my family: you take us as we are, or don't take  us at all, because we won't and can't change ourselves to suit someone else.

sorry to hijack your post Emily

I totally agree with your theory, Asche, makes sense. May I suggest that these autistic traits came from Neandertal? Or is this pushing too far? Which could explain their sudden fall after Homo Sapiens came into Europe from Africa. They were living there peacefully for 300,000 years, then poof. There was interbreeding, we can see it now in our genes. My theory is that Neandertal was autistic, with limited social interactions, just enough to hunt properly to survive. But then Homo Sapiens comes with his very developed social skills and coordination between members of the clan, and maybe more elaborate language, was able to hunt much more efficiently. Then there was also the wolf, there in Europe. Neandertal had not developed an interaction with the wolf, but Homo Sapiens did, and together with their now dogs, with very coordinate moves between species, they raided the whole territory, with massive meat storage guarded by the dogs, which permitted to Homo Sapiens to thrive, have more babies and so on to today's civilization. Then interbreeding introduced some of what was Neandertal was and we can move on to your theory. Does this make sense?

Quote from: Soli on June 23, 2016, 05:35:36 PM
sorry to hijack your post Emily

It's all good you and anyone else are welcome to do so 

Back to your reply from earlier Soli,

You make a lot of great points and they're true. You're absolutely right I do need not to be negative it's that I'm scared of the uncertainty every time I've gotten out of my comfort zone in an effort to better my life it's always gone wrong. I have several fears like for example say I moved to Seattle and got a job and a room and suddenly I get fired and not only unable to pay the rent for the month but find myself got able to get another job as well what would I do then?? That alone scares me to no end.

Another fear I have is my parents I never told you my coming out story have I?? Last year in July I decided to tell my parents that I'm transgender hoping maybe deep down they'll actually support nope not only did that not happen I had no choice but to be in the closet again around them and they don't let me hang out with my friends anymore they think they "influenced me" to be trans. To this day my parents go on like nothing ever happened and that I simply decided not to be trans anymore(which we all know it's not a choice) but they still make sure to keep me from being with my friends though I still communicate in secret luckily I still have my privacy.

Also my parents wouldn't help me with school if I decide to study History it's their way or no way. They expect me to get a teaching degree which has been proven not only by me but  also my advisor (who is also head of the teaching program at my college) that teaching isn't a suitable career for me (also she suggested I get tested for autism as well). I haven't told my parents I no longer want to teach I'm scared to I know how my dad will react just like how he reacted to every other failures of my life with rage and anger it's a wonder he's never kicked me out though there been close calls.

Again I'm sorry for acting negative I'm scared lamb that can't seem to figure out how to overcome her fears.

I totally understand your situation, Emily, that's why I keep replying to your posts

I also fear that your parents will go and get you wherever you may end up going in the US if you finally get a plan up, gather some money and leave. My parents did that to me twice but I was a minor then. I even had to quit a dishwashing job in Québec City with no warning as they came to ''relief'' my sister of my annoying presence in her apt. and bring me back home. I was 16. It was one of the most humiliating moment of my life then, and still is more than 30 years after. I don't think it's usual to have your life controlled like this by your parents at 24. They seem the kind to do that more than to throw you out, and I'm sure you don't want this to happen. If they do throw you out, wouldn't it be some kind of blessing? At least things would be clear. I think you need to cut the cord anyways, maybe make up later on in your life. It's either that or status quo, it seems. For you. That's your life, I'm sorry it's like that for you but these are the facts.

That's why I say you need a plan, and a plan might take a while to put up, and you especially need that plan to be solid to compensate for all your fears, and the probability I just mentioned about your parents. You need contacts, you need some money to last for a little while, you need to get to know the city you plan to go to, you have the Web for that.

You need money, you sound like you have none. So... I guess you need to look again at the possibilities of getting a job in Nashville or somewhere in your area. Aren't there call centers? How about temporary office personnel firms? You need to look at something you can actually succeed in doing. Clerical work would fit you more I think than any physical or clientele oriented job...

oh dog needs food, talk to you later
hang on, Emily
:-)
Soli