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Is it OK to have traditionally masculine hobbies?

Started by V, July 01, 2016, 09:27:31 AM

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V

Hello, I am new here, so I apologise if this post is in the 'wrong place'.
But I struggle a lot with this subject.
I am a 13 years post-op female, and in this time I've had a few hobbies/interests and I do tend to flit about Between them all.
Currently I am into model engineering and have built a workshop with my fella and we've equipped it with machine tools and are engaged in building and restoring large scale steam locomotives. The kind you can ride behind.
I would say that this, plus driving said steam locos are basically my main hobby.
I'm in a local model engineering club, and I'm the only female. Yes there are other female members, but they are only there because they are wives of male members.
Although I really enjoy this hobby, I do have bouts of anxiety and loss of confidence because it's really such a male-dominated hobby, and I sometimes wonder "What on earth am I doing here?" As it's not helping me fit into society as a woman very much.
I am also into Transformers - Yes I love my Robots in Disguise figure collection, this is another hobby I share with my fella.
Previously hobbies/interests I've had (all post-op) include:
Aviation, as I used to fly light aircraft, and indeed I owned and ran my own commercial flight training school.
Classic Cars, I used own quite a few old Land Rovers and Range Rovers, and was quite the authority on the subject.
Drumming, I used to play the drums, and indeed I used to design and build my own drums.
Writing, I still come back to this every now and then, mainly on Fanfiction.

I won't list the hobbies/interests I had pre-op, basically it's another long list of mainly male-dominated hobbies.

Any ideas how I can deal with my worry about having mostly male interests? My Mother is always trying to get me to do more girly things with her, like cooking, home-making, clothes, etc... And whilst I don't mind any of these things, that's basically because I enjoy spending time with my Mom as a woman. I guess trying to claw back "lost" years of my childhood before my transition.
I know folks are probably going to say things like just enjoy being yourself, but there is a niggling thought in the back of my mind that keeps on saying that I'm not really a female if I like all these "guy things".
Yeah, it's a pathetic thing to think, but I do have trouble dealing with it.
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sarah1972

I have never liked distinguishing between "male and female" hobbies. A hobby should be something you like doing and gives you satisfaction.

If you look around here, there have been discussions on welding, home remodel and many other hobbies in non-traditional gender roles. I am certainly not planning to give up on any of my hobbies.

So - keep on engineering and play with transformers!

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Michelle_P

I regularly wrench on cars, build tech gear, and restore old electronics. I have a ham radio license. I use power tools. I also tend to not give a damn about what stereotypes society thinks I should adhere to.  ;)
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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BeverlyAnn

I wouldn't worry about what gender a hobby belongs to.  There is a fellow named Roosevelt (Rosie) Greer whose hobbies have included crushing quarterbacks as a member of the Los Angeles Rams front line the Fearsome Foursome and off the field doing needlepoint.  There are also a number of us here, as discussed in another thread who collect firearms.  The purpose of a hobby is give you something to relax with and if your trains relax you, then keep working on them and have fun.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde



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Thea

I don't like to attach gender labels to hobbies or occupations.

I have been woodworking and making furniture since I was a kid. When my daughter took an interest, I was happy to let her join me in the workshop and taught her everything she wanted to know.
Some people might say, "but that's a boy's hobby!" and try to limit my daughter to more traditionally girly activities. I find that attitude offensive and would defend her right to engage in a hobby that she enjoys.

Why wouldn't I take the same stand for myself? I feel it is important to live all our values for all people to be free to express themselves as they see fit. Granted, woodworking is a minor thing compared to dressing as we like, but still it is all part of an effort to erode the societal misogyny we find in the world today.
Veteran, U.S. Army

First awareness of my true nature 1971
Quit alcohol & pot 10/22/14
First acceptance of my true nature 10/2015
Started electrolysis 9/12/17
Begun Gender Therapy 7/06/18
Begun HRT 8/01/18
Quit tobacco 11/23/18

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Jin

Nobody bats an eye when genetic girls have those hobbies, so go for it. For myself, I do not try to separate male and female conventions, but to blend them.
I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam.
-- Popeye

A wise person can learn more from fools than a fool can learn from a wise person.
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melissagirl

Don't worry about whether they're male dominated or not. Just remember we transition so that we can live a happier life as the gender identity that we are. Don't let something like feminine or masculine labels keep you from enjoying your hobbies. Also keep in mind that if enough women participate in a male dominated hobby, then it would cease to be male dominated. ;)


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Ashey

You're right, it is pathetic.. but I get it. You really shouldn't gender your hobbies. I doubt it affects your passability, but even if there was that potential, I think you need to see what's a priority in your life and what makes you the happiest. If you pass but are worried you won't but enjoy your hobbies, does this seem better than feeling like you pass absolutely but sacrificing hobbies you enjoy? To me the latter sounds incredibly stupid. And who would you be trying to impress here by not indulging in these hobbies? Other women? Because I can tell you one thing, guys typically like it when ladies can enjoy and participate in things that they like. It makes you the 'cool chick'. If it's to convince other women, then your efforts are misplaced, and consider that women judge each other anyway. Honestly, the thing that bothers me the most about this is the gendering of your hobbies. Strict gender roles and patriarchal attitudes are why men and women are seen as having specific and gendered interests. Fact is, if more girls were encouraged to pursue and enjoy STEM interests, they would. But no, even now many young women's brains are polluted with the pursuit of looking good for men and making babies for them. I'm thankful that more women are getting into STEM fields these days. I'm interested in quite a few 'typically male hobbies' but I don't think it diminishes me as a woman. On the contrary, I feel empowered. I'm glad I was able to pursue these interests at a young age without being discouraged. I see myself as a woman who simply wasn't held back by misogynistic attitudes. I'm not afraid to be a confident and intelligent woman who proudly expresses her interests, and neither should you.
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big kim

Ride an HD Sportster, go to classic car & bike shows, sometimes work on cars & bikes, love muscle cars but now they're out of my price range(unless I become a CEO or rock star)  Listen to punk & metal & go to the punk festival each year. I'm not a proper transexual according to some!
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sparrow

Yes, that's totally okay... but... it seems that you need female companionship.

When I read your post, I see a need for validation of your legitimacy as a female.  And, of course, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that need.  But the question is, how can you get that validation in life?  For me, the obvious answer is having female friends.  I've assembled a posse of local transgender folk that attend local support groups, and we have great fun together; we validate eachother... we get a break from cisnormativity at least once a week.  It really makes a world of difference.
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Serenation

Large scale steam locomotives sounds amazing. All my interests and hobbies are male dominated. Makes me sad when people stop doing what they enjoy.
I will touch a 100 flowers and not pick one.
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V

Thank you for all the replies. There doesn't seem to be a multi-quote feature for replying to numerous posts (or if there is, I can't find it).
But I will say that I wasn't trying to judge other people here, or disapprove of their hobbies.
My fella and I go to a few model engineering shows and exhibitions each year (indeed I help to run and exhibit at some), and it's always totally male dominated. In fact in all my years of going to such shows, I have only met 5 women who are model engineers like me, and three of them were transgendered. Compare that to 1000's of guys I've met, female model engineers are such a tiny minority.
When guys speak to us at the shows, they always address my fella as they assume I'm not interested in the subject and know nothing about it. I don't mind this, as it reinforces to me that I pass. My fella finds it hilarious as he knows it's me who's more into the subject than him. I sometimes get him to ask questions on my behalf or push to the front to get items I want, as I'm usually ignored.
But it does take a lot of my confidence to partake, as when folks find out I'm not just a bored wife being dragged around by hubby, inevitably I'm suddenly in the limelight and being asked lots of questions because I'm such a rarity in these circles. I've lost track of the number of times guys have asked me to marry them/proposed, as they like the idea of sharing their life interests with a female partner.

I am certainly not trying to impress anyone, but I won't deny, I get on with guys better than women, and generally like being around men.

None of the above reinforces my femininity though.
I lack female friends, and I suppose I do need validation of my legitimacy as a female among women.
I do have female friends, and I'm fine spending time with them, but I never feel I really "click" as 'one of the girls'. Especially when they talk to me about experiences that I've never had, like 'time of the month problems' and childbirth and being a mum. I try to blag it through as best I can, but still end up feeling an outsider. It doesn't help that people usually see me with my fella and his young son, and just assume it's my child. It's nice, that people see me like that of course, but I do feel pangs of guilt and angst that it's not 100% reality.
Anyway, I've strayed massively off topic, and I apologise for that.

In order to raise my spirits and because I love my hobby, I've been tool shopping again, and have treated myself to some nice kit for the workshop.

I guess after so many years of being in 100% 'stealth', I find I just really need to talk about the things that affect me as a transexual woman.
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Ashey

It kind of sounds to me like you're still clinging to being a 'transsexual woman' and not fully embracing being a woman. I think you'll find that if you relax and let it go, you'll find things to relate to. One thing that should be obvious is dealing with casual sexism like you experience. This is something most women can relate to and might get your foot in the door, so to speak. It makes me cringe when you say you just let your husband talk for you about YOUR hobby, and let them assume you know nothing. What makes it even worse is that you feel like revealing your interest in this stuff would somehow make you less passable. That's implying a lot about women, and it's not a good thing. I hope you'll come to realize that perpetuating these sexist attitudes is bad for everyone.
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V

Hey Ashley, maybe I'm just digging a big 'ol hole for myself, and clearly annoying you as well. So maybe I should just keep schtum?
Maybe I am 'clinging' to being a "transexual woman", but that's only because that is what I am. I cannot be what I am not.
I fear that if I truly relax, things will unravel and I'll just 'out' myself unintentionally and spectacularly crash and burn.
But whatever, I wasn't trying to perpetuate sexist attitudes, I was just trying to discuss my fears and concerns on a message board.
Sorry to have offended.
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Colleen M

Anytime you and your significant other can enjoy spending time together doing something you both like doing, I'd say that trumps any and all other considerations.   
When in doubt, ignore the moral judgments of anybody who engages in cannibalism.
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Ashey

Quote from: V on July 03, 2016, 06:24:34 PM
Hey Ashley, maybe I'm just digging a big 'ol hole for myself, and clearly annoying you as well. So maybe I should just keep schtum?
Maybe I am 'clinging' to being a "transexual woman", but that's only because that is what I am. I cannot be what I am not.
I fear that if I truly relax, things will unravel and I'll just 'out' myself unintentionally and spectacularly crash and burn.
But whatever, I wasn't trying to perpetuate sexist attitudes, I was just trying to discuss my fears and concerns on a message board.
Sorry to have offended.

I'm not trying to attack you or anything. You posted and I responded. If you take anything from what I said, great. If not, well it's more your problem than mine I suppose.
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Da

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AnonyMs

You might find this YouTube channel helpful. She's trans and seriously into racing cars.

https://www.youtube.com/user/Charlie247Girl/videos
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Tristyn

Quote from: Michelle_P on July 01, 2016, 09:53:19 AM
I regularly wrench on cars, build tech gear, and restore old electronics. I have a ham radio license. I use power tools. I also tend to not give a damn about what stereotypes society thinks I should adhere to.  ;)
Awesome. I absolutely agree. I am not post-op but I still love the same traditionally female things I loved before coming out as a man. My goodness, but it hardly matters. Hobbies are hobbies. It's a shame people to this day will apply gender even to things as universal as a freakin' hobby. Goodness. Thank you Society for the Gender Box. :P
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