So here's a followup to my post... it's kind of an outpouring of my soul, so get ready...
I have been struggling with my voice all my life. It's always sounded androgynous at best and I feel it's time to make a change. In terms of other aspects of my transition, I've never had many problems. I thought that GRS would be my last surgery after my breasts and my nose were done. I thought that maybe I could just live the rest of my life feeling complete after GRS.
But I still get called "sir" over the phone.
That's been the bane of my existence. Oh, yeah, I do get called "ma'am" about as much as I get called "sir". I often wonder why the dummies on the other end of the line don't equate my legal name "Clare" with being female. What "sir" has the name "Clare"?!! So I live with this Achilles Heel day in and day out and every time it happens, a little piece of my soul is chipped away. Heartache and pain... some of you know the feeling.
I went to Dr. Haben in 2013 hoping for a cure to my problem. Well, not exactly a cure, but a kickstart. I know that a raise in pitch is just the beginning of my voice journey, but at least it'll get me on the right path. I have plenty of resonance in my voice (I think most Asians do) and there's this slight twinge of nasality in my voice (like 2%). I talk a lot with my hands and most everyone who sees me and the way I speak in person would never mistake me for anything other than female. I was hoping to achieve the same over the phone. So Dr. Haben tried in July 2013, but the surgery didn't succeed. The stitches didn't hold and my voice was unchanged. I would've loved to hear what it could've been if the stitches held long enough for me to hear it, but I didn't even get that privilege. I was depressed for a couple of months after that having felt I wasted my money.
Three years later, I learned to cope with my voice. I made excuses for it. I became a yoga teacher and a fairly excellent one at that. I succeeded in a field dominated by genetic women and I can say that a large part of that was due to my voice. It was perfect for yoga, the kind of yoga I do, which is Bikram Yoga. Still, the misgendered phone calls chipped away at me. It came to a point where I delved into a short-lived career as a phone actress (you can guess what this is) just to prove to myself that my voice was okay. (Strangely, it is okay to many and my voice has been labelled as "sexy" even though I think it's ->-bleeped-<-.)
Now I finally found the time to give Dr. Haben another try. Yes, I'm fearful of the unsuccesses that were recently posted but there were also many successes, too. I know I just have to give this another shot. Plus, three years have passed, so the good doctor has more experience doing this now. I know the volume of my voice will likely be lower. I know that 8 semitones is optimistic. I know that recovery in 4 to 6 weeks is unlikely. But that's okay. I'm willing to give this another try. And I'm optimistic and I'm praying to God every day.
My allergist, an older fellow who is 75, assures me that the laryngoplasty procedure is "relatively easy to do and has a high success rate." He told me I don't need to change my voice. He thinks it's sexy. (It's strange that people come out of the woodwork to tell me these things right before surgery.)
Anyway, this is all I have to say for now. Unedited and from my heart. Surgery soon. Wish me luck!
