*RANT ON*
You know, I get so mad at my family and their politics. I've tried to be nice on my end, but they continue to play stupid politics!
Recently, I found out my great grandma died last month (the 26th). And no body told me to make sure that I didn't go to the funeral (well, at least I don't have to worry about them trying to force me to dress as a boy. LOL). So, the Funeral was on Jan. 3rd.
But now, weeks after my brother decides to call me up and tell me this. And of course, tell me all about my niece who's going to be born May-ish -- a niece that I'm not allowed to see, etc. I can't even step into my brothers home!
So, their is all of that junk. None of my family actually called me on xmas (not a surprise). Although, I heard form my mom that my grandpa was going to come and visit me while he was visiting my brother until he learned that I actually have breasts and that I actually look like a woman. So, apparently that turned him off. Then again, if he did come I'd have to listen to him preach to me like the odd times he's actually called to be nasty to me (he's only called me twice in the last year and a half, if I call the phone is ignored).
And then there's my dad. He won't let me half sister know, of course. She's going to be 14 this year. He finally emails me and tells me all of the wonderful things going on in her life, his life, and etc -- as if to tell me "look at all of this great stuff your missing out because you're not conforming to what we want."
It's honestly really stupid. The only family member I mostly get a long with is my mom. My brother is okay sometimes, and then the next day not, but always the one to tell me what great things I'm missing out because I made a "mistake."
I just hate these family politics. I really do. I've kept my door open for my family. I've been nice. I've been understanding. I've been open to questions (not that anyone asks or seeks to understand anything). And I just sit here, and sometimes get a call that involoves some kind of politics, guilt trip, or something stupid like that.
Honestly, I'm to the point of completely cutting off my own family. And, really, my family hasn't been Kosher with me for years and years, way before I told them about my transition. I just don't fit their ideal and what they think I should be. My brother works hard at doing that (he gets a lot of rewards for it). While, me, not doing as I've been told since adult hood, don't get all of the hand outs, don't get this or that etc, etc. It's stupid politics. I don't care if they don't give me anything, I've been doing fine on my own for 10 years already -- when are the politics going to stop. Just leave me alone already.
Arrrrg! *takes deep breath*
I just had politics. I hate growing up with my family politics my whole life. It's stupid. It just tears everyone apart. And the most ironic (and hypocritical) thing of all, is that they live and teach their religion which says, "Families together forever." How interesting that the footnote says only if you partipate in family politics and etc.
--natalie
PS My mom no longer goes to church, either, so she gets the same family politics, etc, thrown at her. Although, since I came out I've gotten less then her because people are so scared they they don't even want to see what I look like. Occasionally I get the family rumors back about me -- the last one I heard was that apparently I'm a hooker, I'm a drug addict, I look like a man in a dress, and I go around like a little perv doing weird stuff. A few family members have told people that I died. I thought it was pretty funny -- they are so out of touch with reality.
And I don't know why I'm so nice and patient through all of the abuse. I'm a beautiful young woman, who has a lot of potential and all they care about is politics, how they look, and how others see them.
I honestly don't know why I even try. I know that after 9-ish years they aren't going to change. Now I'm the one who's starting to ignore there calls for once, and starting to cut them out of my life. They really aren't family; it's something they proved over and over again.
But, I'm glad that my mom completely accepts me. And I also have a step sister and step father that accepts me (my mom divorced my step father when I was 12-ish, my bio-dad when I was 2-ish... so my bio dad and I have never been that close, yet he still wants to do politics, especially cause I really love my half-sister, and it's unfortunate that she's being used as a pawn for his insecurities).
My transition, of course, didn't come as a surprise to my Mom or my step-dad or my step-sister. I should include my brother into the mix... not a surprise, but it goes against his religion, against the extended family's wishes, and so on. He doesn't have a back bone, and he needs to play along to collect his rewards, etc. He's pretty passive about things, and doesn't say things out right. It's stupid. But then, again, if he really bothers me I'll remind him that he married his cousin (yes, he's married to my cousin -- and I'm the "weird" one!).
*RANT OFF*
