This is my first time posting on here, and I'll start off by backing up what the title is. I'm here cause I don't want to be lost or as unsure about myself anymore. I'm not entirely sure if I'm transgender, or just cross dresser or what. Since maybe like 14 I've had wandering fascinations, fantasies, and thoughts of what it'd be like to be the opposite gender. I've tried to pursue this is certain ways such as trying relationships or interactions with other guys, or changing the clothes I wear to what a normal girl would wear. This want of being a girl doesn't always last. For example whenever I have the chance to get a girlfriend I go right for it and for a long time I forget or don't care about the thoughts of possible gender dysphoria. It does seem to always come back though. For the most part I have only physical attraction to other guys but again that fluctuates just as much, where as with girls I am both physically and emotionally attracted to them. To add onto this my family and friends situation is fairly harsh on the opening up and coming out. Being a constant worrier and thinker these are the things I am constantly thinking about and I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision in life. Whether that be not doing anything about exploring this possible dysphoria due to fear, or if I do take the chance and then change my mind again.

Welcome to Susan's Place. The only way you will be sure on this is to spend some time with a Gender Therapist. Until that happens, there are a few things you should know. Who you are attracted to sexually doesn't matter. We have a number of site member who are MTF but they have remained with their wife. The only thing that matters is what you want your body to be. I am going to give you two links that may help you understand yourself a little better. The first is our WIKI where you will see many of the terms associated with the term transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where a therapist will discuss some of the feeling associated with transgender/transsexualism. Should you have questions, feel free to post them on this thread if you want me to respond and I will do the best I can to answer your questions.

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Welcome!  You are in good (great) company!

I'm completely understand you. 

We are all a little bit lost.  But not because of who we are, but because of the pressures of society. 

I'm not sure your current age, but  I provide my advice after 44 years on this planet, for what it's worth.  I ignored the signs, I did what I needed to fit into this world, which included getting married to a wonderful wife, having wonderful kids, and having a wonderful career.  But, what I have realized is that isn't wonderful is that I was never true to myself.

I suggest that you do the soul searching you need to do.  Open your mind. 

I thought, like many, that this would eventually blow away....it didn't. 
I thought I could bury it deep so it would never resurface....I couldn't.

Maybe you can, but I could never. 

Whatever it works out to be for you, just be true to yourself.  This life is not that long, make sure you fill yours with what you deserve.




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I suggest you visit youtube. There are many videos of transgender women who are out, loud and proud.  Instead of getting the story about what it's like to be transgender from the mainly cisgender media you now have the opportunity to listen to real transgender people telling real stories about their real lives. Without the judgement of editors and people with an agenda to stigmatize and judge us.  Also, read lots of posts here on Susans. This will give you a sense about how there is very little regret for transgender people who do transition.  Most of the regret is a result of negative views and stigmatization of us by cisgender people with negative and distorted views about our real lives.

As far as trans YouTubers go, I've particularly enjoyed Julie Vu (Princess Joules) https://www.youtube.com/user/princessjoules.  She (seemingly) tells things like they are and she's quite funny as well! 

You maybe should do some research on the concept of gender fluidity and see if that might fit you. Since you are saying these feelings don't last, that makes me think you may be fluid...

Quote from: popa910 on July 24, 2016, 02:12:00 AM
As far as trans YouTubers go, I've particularly enjoyed Julie Vu (Princess Joules) https://www.youtube.com/user/princessjoules.  She (seemingly) tells things like they are and she's quite funny as well! 

True. I really like her. She's one of the most famous.

I probably watched videos by over 100 transgender people, mostly MTF's, before finally getting up the nerve to come out, live full time, and start my transition.

I really don't watch them much anymore. Now I'm living it.

You are far from alone with your feelings. Many of us here start out in much the same place. There are many that start out as cross-dressers and stay that way, or stop altogether in time. Being TG only means you are somewhere in the very broad spectrum between cis-male and cis-female. Where you are today, where you feel comfortable being and can manage the GD, if any, can be a moving target and not always in one direction. There are no mistakes in life, only undesired outcomes. As long as you can change, you can adjust course and try again.

As you see with your family, there are plenty of good reasons why no one wants to be trans. There are plenty of haters out there. The most important hater in your life is likely yourself. Shame and guilt are great motivators. I spent decades after 2 failed transition experiments in my early 20's keeping myself distracted and telling myself, no resigning myself to, that I am just a cross-dresser. I strongly believe if I did a full social transition back then I'd be dead today as I was ill equipped emotionally to go through it. Especially back in the days when just hating trans people was the norm, open aggression was to be expected. Having spent a good part as in most of my youth as a target, I wasn't going to volunteer to be one in adulthood after all the odd looks and laughs I got.

Just keep in mind that you are somewhere on the spectrum and that it is usually not a permanent home unless you hit up against an end stop. Gender is just one aspect of you.