This is more venting than anything else. I posted about her awhile back when she first broke up with me and thought I was ok but alas, here I am.
My ex gf is now engaged to a cis dude and it makes me feel horrible about myself. Quick (kind of ) Timeline:

I transitioned a little over 2 years ago.
March 2015: I met a lady via online dating. We went out and hit it off immediately. She accepted me and had dated transguys before. She also had worked as a therapist in an LGBTQ center so she was a friend of the community. This was my first gf as a man.

We got very serious very fast. I met her mom. She talked about a future with me. She said and did things that made it seem as though she was in to me and the relationship and that we had something special. She even attended a fertility conference for work and made sure to inquire about in-vitro with a trans partner. I was head over heels and took her for her word.

End of May 2015: Out of the blue with no warning after spending a weekend together and her acting just fine all week she dumped me. "I don't have that giddy feeling anymore." I was heart broken. She was suddenly cold and detached after all of that talk.

June-July 2015: she eventually said she gets a gross feeling towards a guy sometimes and she doesn't know why, that it's really "->-bleeped-<-ty" and wasn't the first time it happened. Then she admitted that she wasn't totally over the last guy she dated (apparently she very much downplayed the seriousness of that relationship, it ended only about a month or so before our first date). She also said we had something different and that she hopes we find each other again one day.

August 2015: We get back together to chat and end up having  sex, twice. She says she can't separate her feelings as much as she'd like to think she can so we decide to see how it goes when she comes back from seeing her family back where she's from (down south). A week and a half later she tells me she's been seeing her ex, she's going to move back home for hjm, she no longer has feelings for me and I am not for her. When I asked her about us having something different and finding each other again she responded, "things change and that was before this person came into my life." This is an ex she never mentioned. THIS IS NOT THE GUY SHE WAS WITH BEFORE ME. So different dude.

May 2016: Her bf moves up here for her.

July 2016: They are engaged.

The entire year I've been depressed and now I'm even worse. I was ateast running on autopilot until I found out. I've del my Facebook because I cannot handle the ease with which info can be found.

This guy is cis. It's lasted almost a year. It's as if she completely forgot about me and all of things she said to me. She's living the life with him I thought she wanted with me. I'm devastated and cannot seem to move on. I know it's partly because she was my first gf as a man and I've found it very hard to date since her. I feel like nothing compared to him. I feel like she sees him as better than me. I will never know if she lied to me the whole time. She dumped me moved on and attached to him so fast.

*Sigh*

I am really sorry that that happened to you.  It sucks and I'm sure it really hurts.  I doubt that this is any consolation, but you sound just like any other guy that got dumped by a girl he really liked. It happens to all of them. It DOESN'T mean that she didn't really like you when you were together. She didn't HAVE to be with you when she was. She CHOSE to be with you.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. It's silly but I thought she was the one. And that she thought the same. Now she's marrying someone else. Oh well. 

I can tell you right now that sucks. Big time. My ex woke up one day and wanted a divorce after 7 years. I am way better off now that I was then with her. By far. And I can tell you that even if that everything about your ex was perfect for you, just the fact that she can just up and leave like that means she is not the one for you. Better now than 7 years in. Just remember you are an awesome person. And anybody would be lucky to have you. The one will come. The one that made you feel the way she did but better. You will know. Trust me. It will be way better than your ex. I knew after the first date. She was the one. Now I just hope that she will still be here when she finds out I am starting hormones for the second time. Have not started yet. And I have to tell her before I do. And they were mailed to me today. But back to you. It will happen. Better is out there waiting for you. Trust me. I thought there was no way I could go on with out my ex. And she was online dating before she was even out of the house. So that's just how some people are.

Oh and I would bet my last dollar that she is not with her fiancé in the end.

It sounds like you dodged a bullet to me. Find someone who doesn't play games and doesn't have commitment issues. I honestly don't think your trans-ness has anything to do with her being unreliable.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Obfuskatie on August 06, 2016, 02:11:12 AM
It sounds like you dodged a bullet to me. Find someone who doesn't play games and doesn't have commitment issues. I honestly don't think your trans-ness has anything to do with her being unreliable.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Agree with this 100%. From reading your posts here, it sounds like you have your life together aside from your interactions with this girl. The right person will come along that fits into that. I've been where you are and I know it's difficult to recognize when you're still in the moment, but I think in time you will find that this is a blessing.

Just don't take her back when her engagement doesn't work out.

I've been doing much better. Something suddenly snapped me back into focus and I'm actually ok. First time in a damn year lol. Seeing that she's engaged hurt like hell but I think it is what I needed to FINALLY move on. The nail in the coffin. I was holding onto the idea that we had something so special and how could this be so it made it impossible to see beyond the pain. Seeing her smiling face with him and that headline pushed me off of that thin ledge I teetered on, holding onto something that never really was. She totally used me and maybe not consciously. I got from her validation of my manhood and it filled a void from unresolved issues of my own. It served a purpose purpose was happy with her so that was good. She's not right for me because I want to take my time to get to know a woman and I don't rely on a relationship to be happy. She needs a man in her life. I cannot and will not be any woman's Superman and I don't desire someone who needs that. I want to be wanted not needed. She found her ex who probably feeds into her insecurities and fantastical, romantic comedy view of a relationship. Good for her. I am done being sad over someone that doesn't give a damn about me.

Thanks everyone!

Great post, CMD, good for you. Direction of personal growth is the right direction. Often we do enter relationships with a mixture of altruistic, optimistic, and, well, selfish reasons, and wanting to be affirmed in our genders is a big one with people like us. You are wise to see that something like "needing a man in her life" drives behavior that looks very selfish and fickle on the outside. Maybe someday she will see that too, but today is not that day. And maybe never. Although that look is very childish on an old lady.

Quote from: CMD042414 on August 06, 2016, 08:34:44 PM
I want to be wanted not needed.

This is a beautiful phrase. You surely have learned from this experience.