I'm now unsure as to whether I'm MtF transgender. I find that I can't fit in to either male or female identities. This goes much further for the than just clothing and gender stereotypes. For me, I do have physical dysphoria from time to time, in which I'll feel very uncomfortable with my male anatomy. I'll also dislike being called by male pronouns. Some days I feel fine being called male pronouns, and having male anatomy, though. How I feel really fluctuates. Often times, I feel I'd rather have a female body, but not identify as such... More likely than not, I'll prefer to have a female body than actually identify as such, which seems really odd, but it's how i feel inside.  I'm really not a man or a woman...
Here's where, with myself, I's have a lot of trouble identifying as I want to. There is a HUGE misconception that people who identify as non binary just want attention and to be victims, and that they're just making up identities to be 'special snowflakes', and that non binary gender has no basis in reality. That's the thing. That does not describe me at all. I hate attention, and I am somebody who is staunchly opposed to pseudoscience (anti-vaccine movement, Organic farming/ GMO labeling, homeopathy, and other various pseudosciences) but if non-binary is some sort of "pseudo-psychology", then what the hell am I feeling?
Sorry if the subject matter here was a bit offensive... It's just what I'm going through right now...

When I first came to the site I had never heard of the non binary before. I am binary so I had no reason to suspect it existed but in over a year of reading posts by other people, it has become clear to me that the non binary is very real. What really drove it home to me was gender fluid. The concept of gender changing from one moment to the next was different than anything I had seen before but yet here were post from people who were suffering because no single gender role fit them. I don't know where you fit it and I am willing to help you explore it if you want but in the end, you will need to find he place where you are happy. If you haven't, you might want to look at our WIKI and see if it helps you.

I doubted this a bit too, after decades of sometimes being OK with being a guy, and sometimes thinking I was MtF and fighting it, but genderfluid seems to fit where I am.

I don't really want to be different, I just am. I tried very hard to just be a guy, but that just isn't what I am. People were always pointing out how feminine or gay most anything I said or did was, to the point it made me very introverted, and cautious about doing basically anything. I don't know that I can truly feel like a woman either, even if were to spend all the time and money fully transitioning, I can't help think I will feel much the same way, trying very hard to fit in as a woman, and not pulling that off either. At this point, I just accept that I am my own odd mix of masculine and feminine. It's really quite freeing, if you allow yourself not to care what others think of you... 

Quote from: EmilyJorgensen on August 08, 2016, 10:41:43 PM
Often times, I feel I'd rather have a female body, but not identify as such... More likely than not, I'll prefer to have a female body than actually identify as such, which seems really odd, but it's how i feel inside.  I'm really not a man or a woman...

That sounds very similar to how I feel.

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Here's where, with myself, I's have a lot of trouble identifying as I want to. There is a HUGE misconception that people who identify as non binary just want attention and to be victims, and that they're just making up identities to be 'special snowflakes', and that non binary gender has no basis in reality.

In my experience, most (almost all, including many transgender) people don't understand non-binary, probably because it just doesn't exist in the major narratives of most societies. And if people don't understand something, they will make up stories and mix in whatever they have heard, just to "have an opinion" and to categorize yourself in their thinking system (which they need to make decisions). Many people then also tell you who you are ("but you're a man!!1!") and what you have to do ("Don't you really want to stop HRT? It's so dangerous, and you have a healthy body, so why ruin it with unnecessary treatment?").

There will be problems when communicating with others, but I guess these need individual solutions. Probably the most won't understand non-binary ever, but if they're respectful, they will use pronouns and other things as you like them. The rest – well ... sometimes it's good to know who's a friend and who's not (but it can make you feel lonely).

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but if non-binary is some sort of "pseudo-psychology", then what the hell am I feeling?

Sounds like you have suffered from "anti-genderism"? Saying gender is evil and non-scientific, and everything's said with "xy = penis = man = looks like a man = not gay = likes cars and earns money for his wife and children"? I know many of those silly arguments when other people are trying to tell you who are (not) allowed to be. Aside from that it's not true: it just doesn't matter (as long as you're not put into jail for being yourself, as in many countries).

Maybe it would help to ask the question the other way: if you're feeling something, how can it be "pseudo"?

And I didn't want to be different, too. However, it turned out that I just am, and I got used to it. It even had positive effects: I was very shy and cautious before, and now I like conspicuous styling and sometimes I even enjoy when strangers do their common 3-times-look (face, then check breasts, then check genitalia).

Having done no psychological research on the matter, I can only give my personal anecdote to support the existence of nonbinary gender identities.
For me, I knew something was different about me as I went through (male) puberty. Body hair felt wrong. Facial hair felt wrong. They still do, though I've come to accept facial hair a bit more. Masculine qualities in general often just feel 'off' to me. It doesn't feel like me. This was before knowing really anything about transgender anything, or even the word itself. In high school, before knowing anything about nonbinary identities, I identified as genderless. I told some of my friends, but not family. I experimented with clothing and makeup to find what I liked. I tried to find myself.

As I got older, though, I let social pressures get the better of me. I basically retreated fully into the closet. I even started a family. Since then, I've struggled often with my identity not matching my expression, and my body not matching my identity. I still struggle with it. It can be depressing, but trying to be open about it causes me anxiety.

Regardless of the science behind it, this experience is real. My feelings are real, and the negative effects of not living in a way that matches my identity are real.
Your experience is also real. Psychology, and society, will likely catch up eventually.

I can understand your difficulty. I have come to wonder "who doesn't struggle with it at times?" But I guess not everyone, considering how many vocal people have no understanding of trans* folk or homosexuality as a natural state.
It's really easy for me to declare LGBTQ allyship. I've been feeling a little like a "Me too poseur" with my Daughter coming out as trans.

Now, I'm going to show my big but (pun intended  )

Every time I'm confronted with M or F on a form, I stop and actually think about it... except when being classified female causes a bit of a controversy, just because I'm contrarian. I answer the question in my head with "I'm female, but not like other women. I'm different"
I don't want change my pronouns, but usually don't care. I have a "male-sounding" name. I rejected my male name for a time, as a child. I love it when people are surprised I'm female bodied. I like it when people called me a tomboy.  I only occasionally wore a dress. I played with masculine toys and preferred the company of boys, but adored stuffed animals. I'm a sci-fi geek and academic nerd. I do most of the repairs around my house. I hate cleaning or any housework, for that matter. I'm not a garage or yard person. I'm "bookish". Since puberty, I seriously prefer a short, easy haircut, but wore it with a long "tail" for 2 decades.
I have little in common with "the average woman", but don't like sports and can't stand masculine posturing.
I don't fit in with stereotypical women but I talk too much for me to fit with typical "guys".
I work in a male dominated tech world. I hate that my uniforms don't fit my curves properly because they're cut for males. I'm not muscular and have a petite build with a zaftig figure. Sometimes I love to get "dolled up". I wore a tux shirt and jeans for my last wedding.
I like being enveloped in my strong, protective lover's arms. I love being a Mom, but don't socialize with "Moms". I loved that I could bear a child and nurse. I'm happy I had a fairly early, easy transition to menopause, but don't appreciate the loss of my youthful appearance.

The whole question, "M or F ?" seems to rile me up to the point that it's best to consider myself genderqueer. But because I have no motivation to change my birth assignment, I wonder if I'm offending trans* folk when I say that I can empathize with some of their concerns.
I don't want to do away with gender. I think it's a convenient way to clarify anatomy, physiology and reproductive potential. Beyond that, I just don't know!

Here, I feel able to relate with people that have their roots in both worlds or have felt uncomfortable being categorized by their genitals or appearance. I hope that you find this a safe place to express and think through your feelings.

I do a lot of wrestling with the "Non-Binary" label. I came to use it because it simply reflects the reality of past, current, and likely near to distant future life. I never wanted to be a male, but I had little option but to try to be one. I have a well entrenched "male" life. I have a well entrenched female aspect. I have demonstrated under somewhat controlled circumstances that I move about in that world also. Today thanks to HRT I finally have a body I feel joy about living in. Yet I still live and present primarily as male.

In a perfect world would I choose this? NO. I'd be full-time female for sure. That is where my true joy lies, if I can do it without putting too much at risk.  GRS? Not sure. The good to great times the dangly bits and I had together are behind us now thanks to years of HRT and old age. Would I still enjoy and do many to most of the same things I do today? Why wouldn't I? Doing the brakes on the blazer is difficult in a skirt. But I always wore and will wear overalls doing messy car care. I'm sure I'll be doing many other things I'd likely discover with my new freedom which I enjoy. The big problem is balancing one's time.

I'm female and male on the inside. I am female and male on the outside. By definition that puts me under the "Non-Binary" umbrella. I'm not happy being there. It's not my ideal. But it keeps the rain off me