Quote from: Micki on July 30, 2016, 09:41:29 AM
If getting clocked influences a person's personhood, then they're most likely not transsexual.

Thank you for totally invalidating myself and many others here. I always knew deep down inside I was an idiot and not a woman

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Looking in retrospect, part of my problem as a teen was likely getting clocked as female though I was living as male while wanting so much to transition to female - but not a reality for my time (1970s) and my home life (forbidden to transition).

'Male fail' later came along during my transition's waning days as part-time male (mostly still at my work location).  Strangers at the large office building where I worked frequently mis-gendered me as female while in the end-stage of my male days; telephone callers called me 'Miss' if they did not know me.  Male fail was when I knew it was time to end my charade and go female full-time forever at the earliest practical time; hang on til then.

This inevitable male fail made me realise that if others could not see me as male when I presumed that I was presenting my best male, then my perceptions of my self as male were hyperbole.

Have not looked back since then.
*

 

Hi folks. A reminder to abide by the forum rules - and that means no defining for other people what "qualifies" or "does not qualify" as trans.

Looks like 3/4 of us have developed hard shells

Yeah the percentage i am sir'd (if that is any indicator) is steadily decreasing, but i would transition even if i was clocked 100%.

I, for whatever reason, don't think about it much. I think perhaps i have placed myself in a cocoon of work, family, close friends and a quiet life and don't venture out of it that much perhaps.

Passing matters.  If you do it's great.  If you don't, you have to deal with stuff that depresses you.
 
For those that have a lot of trouble passing, you have my deepest sympathy and respect.  People can be stupid more often than we would like and when you don't pass, that comes out at us. 

For my part, I am doing well enough.  Once in a while I'm clocked but who cares.  As long as there isn't confrontation or violence I'm okay. 

In the meantime, the fear of being clocked does help me eat smaller portions so there is that.

Well I have been on Hrt for 5 years and I am 21 but genetics are a thing and i gave up trying to pass back in my first year when I was 18. As I am young not passing after hrt is annoying but hey I sure wont stop taking my pills because I wouldnt want those suicidal days to return.

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on August 02, 2016, 05:09:58 PM
Well I have been on Hrt for 5 years and I am 21 but genetics are a thing and i gave up trying to pass back in my first year when I was 18. As I am young not passing after hrt is annoying but hey I sure wont stop taking my pills because I wouldnt want those suicidal days to return.

Amen

I wasn't well before HRT. I am well now. Nothing will make me reconsider. If ever I pass, it would be nice.

Quote from: Soli on August 02, 2016, 10:58:58 PM
I wasn't well before HRT. I am well now. Nothing will make me reconsider. If ever I pass, it would be nice.

I'm not to such a stage as I would try to pass, but with my current size, the HRT would have to remove a very large amount of muscle mass.  Maybe it can over time, I dunno, but I still lift very heavy things all the time, so I'm not counting on it.

I am counting on something else though.    Just as you put it, before HRT there was no way I could be considered mentally healthy (though I was educated enough to fake it); now that I know what healthy is, I don't care if everyone on the planet laughs at me continuously, I can't go back.  Can not go there again.

This is a difficult question for me. I really don't know because I haven't been there. I do know that I suffer from a lot of social anxiety due to PTSD, so there's a chance that something could make me reconsider. The problem is that if I didn't transition, I'm absolutely convinced that I would kill myself because I have been there before.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I am TERRIFIED of being clocked.  I was bullied a lot as a kid, and being laughed at, made fun of, are things that I am very sensitive about.  I am 45 and so my features are somewhat masculinized, and I have no one to support me in public when I go out en femme.  So far nothing has happened, but I've only ever gone out for short periods, to quiet coffeeshops and the like.  I am transitioning in stealth, and I deal with the thought that it will eventually be obvious by...not thinking about that fact.  I can't stop, but I don't know how I'll ever come out.

Well the way I see it is that my being transsexual is a health condition that causes my appearance to be off. That's why there are medications and surgeries to fix it. The problems with not passing are pretty severe, such as persecution, violence, and depression/suicide. I'm going to do what it takes to pass.

interesting. a 3/4 ratio, need seems to override concerns although fear of being harmed can be a very real concern. I live in a country that is progressing and a neighborhood that's very accepting

Can I have two answers?

For me, pre transition and during the earlier days of transition, I never had any real intention of being part or full time girl, it was about being comfortable with myself only, in secret ofc. Back then, the slightest thought or feeling of being clocked would've given me so much shame and embarrassment. It's the main reason I waited so long to come out and start presenting.

As I progressed along my transition, it changed. Going out as myself and learning for myself that the world didn't end, having nothing bad happen, gave me the confidence to keep on going forward. I still assumed everyone could tell but as long as they were polite and stuff, I became ok with that.

Now that I have my F and am full time, it really doesn't matter at all to me. I'm still sirred (usually at work tho only) and I just shrug it off. I definitely don't like it but it is what it is. All I know now is that I would never want to go back nor could I.

I have discovered over the last few months that I probably want to pass more than I let on. I would love to pass but after 50+ years of T poisoning I have to be realistic. My Daughters and Wife claim it is not going to be an issue but I suspect everyone is being incredibly nice...part of the frustration about trying to pass is finding someone who will give you an honest appraisal of how well you actually do/do not pass. Sometimes its the small things that help. I am happy at this stage to let HRT do its thing and am having my second round of hair implants in about 12 weeks

Whether or not I pass I can't go back, I won't go back. As a kid I was bullied for my looks so I learned to be able to focus and block out much of what is going on around me. I don't seem to have lost the knack. I will make several changes as money dictates but I only have a very limited amount, without eating into the money I have set aside to fund my Thailand SRS aspirations. I don't have enough for FFS or breast Augmentation might have been able to have a bit of a nose job or hair implants instead...I chose the hair implants...I probably would have FFS if I could fund it but considering I don't work and in order to fund it I would have to Financially wipe us out, just about entirely....tempting as that may become!!!

Maybe I need to revisit this in another 9 months after HRT has shown me signs of what is will do...might have a better idea of what I need

Liz

Quote from: Micki on July 30, 2016, 10:39:35 AM
I understand that and I didn't mean it to insult anyone. I know as much as anyone how difficult things are when it comes to socialising. I was born with one testicle, so I had no choice but to be this way. I tried being as boyish as possible when I was a kid, even though at home and publically I'd tend to default to wearing girlish clothing and makeup, and I was ridiculed and told by upperclassmen that they thought I was a girl dressed like a boy.

I am sorry, being born with one testicle is not related to girlish behavior or low testosterone in someone born male. Most males born with one testicle have normal testosterone levels and don't have a second thought about being heterosexual. It's also not warrant a diagnosis of an intersex condition. So it's completely unrelated. Appropriating conditions to justify transness may be give someone a sense of relief, but it's a lie.

Answering the topic question, I transitioned to become better adjusted socially, romantically, financially and bodily because these areas of my life were seriously lacking before I began transitioning. I was small, with feminine mannerisms, a high voice that never dropped and I am attracted and always were to men. So I did it was logic to me, and since I began HRT I have never been clocked. I was way more clocked dressed as boy. So If I I hadn't been born this way, I wouldn't have been trans but something else. It's not useful question at all for me. I was more clockable before transition than I am now (that is, people thought I was a girl dressed in boy clothes or a very young ferminine boy). Most of these days, I go on with my life not thinking about transness or attaching myself with the trans community, what makes me think about it is being pre-op as I am waiting for the reccommendation letter for SRS to undergo the surgery as soon as I can, and then date more normally. But I hope one day this is all over and I can move on with my life and make something more meaningful of it.

Ahem...

Like Micki, I had testicular oddities.  Undescended, and effeminate appearance into my teens due to no puberty.  I was given testosterone injections starting at age 15 "so you'll grow up right."  All of this may have been due to DES exposure in utero, as I have a number of other common characteristics with DES sons, as well as knowing my mother did take DES.

Oh, and I'm a transgender person.

I'm not 'appropriating conditions to justify transness', just providing interesting background like others have. 

I am what I am, a transgender person in transition from male to female.  How I got here doesn't make me "less transgender than thou", or similar such things I've heard spouted from time to time.  I'm me, and I have to learn how to be my true self going forward.  I'm here on this site to help myself do that, and share with others.

That's nice that you believe you've never been clocked since starting HRT, but it is an experience that MOST of us have had as some point or another, and it can be a huge reality check and a real "slap in the feels".  It can be enough to make us doubt ourselves.  Being clocked also doesn't make us "less transgender than thou", it just means we have to work even harder as a matter of survival.  Yeah, not passing is a survival risk in today's world, where "Trans-panic" is an allowed defense for crimes against us in 49 of the 50 US states, and we are targeted for political gain.

It sounds like you have been very fortunate in your transition.  Please understand that not all of us are so fortunate.

Quote from: Michelle_P on August 13, 2016, 02:01:04 PM

It sounds like you have been very fortunate in your transition.  Please understand that not all of us are so fortunate.

"Fortunate", a word so easily thrown at those who pass and are naturally feminine... Do you know my story to tell if I am fortunate or not? As I said, I had no choice but to be who I am and that was always judged as feminine by other people. It cost me years of childhood ridicule, harassment as a young teenager, being called a sissy because of the way I behaved. You should think twice before calling me that, because you don't know half of the story. My point is it came naturally to me because of who I am and always were...It seems "feminine" is the ideal for some people. I may be a feminine, well integrated girl now but how I started in life was no fun.

My point remains... Intersex Conditions should not be used to justify one's motivation to transition. Intersex people already have enough problems of their own, let alone another population rip away their identities. It's not nice.

Quote from: stephaniec on July 29, 2016, 12:19:38 AM
Just curious, I'm 33 months in and I still hear comments , but I also receive compliments and smiles. I'm too far past the point of no return.

I can't say I would be worried about me. What I fear is someone will comment while I am with my wife or children. I have already put them through a lot. I do not expect miracles from HRT I am expecting a more balanced life. A more understanding life. I hope it will bring me out of my introvertedness. As it is right now, I know I can never be accepted because of my age. and I definitely am not petite. All my life, until five months ago I thought my thoughts and desires were dirty, sinful, perverted. Thanks to this wonderful site I am becoming much more aware, and I gain confidence every day. What i've read on this site is that confidence is what it takes to pull it off. I circumstances were similar when I was 20, I would probably be talking about what converting to a woman has done for my life. Full SRS would be on my list of things to do. In fact for the first time ever I thought about being taken by a man. I promise you that thought has never crossed my mind before.