What's up guys,

so I thought I'd put in an update about my progress. Can't say it's felt like much of one, even though I strive to stay positive and view each and every day as a stepping stone, regardless of delays stretching out into what I would say looks like oblivion the angrier I get.

I have been relentlessly calling doctors and clinics in hopes to find one that would allow me to use the Informed Consent model in order to have access to HRT. It's whether I get a straight up no (usually supported by the excuse ''we do not have the expertise to help you'' which seems to be a blatant cop out when no sort of time has been taken to do research on the topic before giving me an answer) or get told I should call again in three or so weeks, only to have a dossier opened and stacked into a waitlist that gets me wondering if I'll get help at any point this year or the next. There's also the ''option'' of paying dizzying amounts of money on an unpredictable budget with no sort of long-term plan at all (fees are determined at the end of each consultation, so they can vary), with special clinics that also have similar types of waitlists. And oh, I could shell out even more money to see professional psychologists in the city.

Common sense dictates that I will keep on trying to reach local walk-in clinics that accept new patients. I don't mind spending a lot of time in waiting rooms if it means I'll get to finally see a doctor that accepts to go for IC. I have my doubts I'll ever find a professional close to home that will offer me some options I can consider. I'll be in school for nearly two years and thus will have the finances to match, and so I am hoping I won't have to sacrifice the piss poor excuse of a budget I have right now.

I guess I needed to vent. I still didn't mention that the doctor I was supposed to start seeing for the process in December has decided to end her practice... and thus, the hope I had to get started during  the holidays is now cancelled out.

To deal with all this, I train harder than ever, and keep my sights focused on how I want to start wrestling after school starts in September. I'm really hoping to see all this through. At this point, I don't care if top surgery takes awhile to happen - HRT alone would have me very thrilled, feeling like I'm finally gaining some independence in the process and landing into my own element.

Completely off-topic; I'd mentioned before that to me, local trans meetings are awkward, and that the vibe is throwing me off. I suppose that might be the case for a lot of guys here (and gals). I had the idea of organizing virtual meetings on Second Life, for those of you that like to hang out and explore in there. We could set up a different place and time every week, call it the Susan's Meetings, and use the opportunity to meet new people in there. My own nick is ambroseiswild, feel free to add and let me know what you think of this idea.

Best wishes to all of you that, like me, are still dealing with wait and lots of puzzling refusals.

I don't know how far you are from Montreal, but even here in the US, IC is mostly just available in large cities unless you get really lucky. Having to make a special trip (or multiple trips) is pretty common. Like I said in the other post, I would definitely make appointments with all of the places you can physically get to that do IC. Even if the wait is long to get started, at least you'll have a few different options. The worst would be to just make an appointment at one and then be in the same position you're in now if they decide to stop offering service or stop taking new patients.

I don't remember if the therapist you were going to see was free or low cost, but you did mention you're budget conscious - have you considered doing online therapy? It is about $50 per session. I'm not sure how many sessions it takes to get a letter for HRT, but I got a letter for top surgery in 3 sessions. From my couch, while wearing pajamas. His name is Dr. Graham Peveller. His website looks a bit clunky, but don't let that turn you off. You'd still have to find an endo or primary care doctor who would prescribe you T, but he'd get you a referral. I'd maybe send an e-mail and see how many sessions on average it takes for him to write HRT referrals, then you could see if you could add it into your budget or not.

I don't play Second Life, but quite a few folks here have added me in WoW! We could probably start a guild if we weren't all maxed out and on different servers

Fingers crossed for you! You've got a few weeks until September, hopefully you will have HRT figured out by then so you have something to look forward to.

Yeah I'm gonna keep woodchoppin' with these clinics. So far in Montreal I'll tell ya there's three of them I can focus on. One of which told me to call in three weeks, which I will, unless I have an alternative already. The second one simply won't pick up so I'll just have to tune in for elevator muzak a bit longer next time hahah. The third is Argyle Institute. They have a PRIDE team. They offer appointments, their waitlist might speed up around September or October, but they have subscription fees that don't necessarily lead to an appointment right away and right now I can't afford it... until next month. That still gives me three routes to keep investigating as my budget opens up at least a tiny bit more when school starts. That'll be some dance, bro. lol

I contacted the doc for online appointments. I read about him in your blog. Figured this might be an option but was somewhat reluctant at first but it seems at this point it could be an ideal, and quick, solution. So we'll see what happens with his reply, fingers crossed.

Seems we take a few of the same paths. Maybe we should have a virtual beer one of these days. I don't play WoW, but I'm on FB now and again.

Peace, I'll update on all of it as I hear back.

And yeah, I live a little over an hour away from Montreal, which isn't bad. My brother goes there often for classes so I could catch a ride now and again when I need it. I'm technically in a big city, but doctors are squeamish about taking on new areas of expertise, which is hilarious considering the hosp is linked to our local, big time University. Students from across the world come here to study there and work at this hospital, and I'm not finding ressources there to work with, and am being advised to go talk to a shrink and pay 120$ an hour. I understand that they're trying to help when they suggest that path and say ''ressources for trans people are great these days and for sure I'd get to HRT with a referral letter'', but the latter is an extreme sport. Not to talk ->-bleeped-<- about my city but I'm just mildly surprised there's nothing more that can be done here..

So I guess online or in Montreal are two likely outcomes..