Can I just say that its a bitch (Excuse my lenguage) of a minefield, when it comes to trying to find a date. I have tried jsut about every dating site that I can find, and I either get some strange old guy with a weird fetish or I get just some random kid...

I am so alone, that I am going to cry and I can't find a man which makes it even more depressing...

So sad and so alone....boo

-Chrissy

could you please explain the concept of dating , I'm not quite sure if I know what that means.

Quote from: chrissydr on September 14, 2016, 10:36:17 AM
Can I just say that its a bitch (Excuse my lenguage) of a minefield, when it comes to trying to find a date. I have tried jsut about every dating site that I can find, and I either get some strange old guy with a weird fetish or I get just some random kid...

I am so alone, that I am going to cry and I can't find a man which makes it even more depressing...

So sad and so alone....boo

-Chrissy

I understand the frustration. Don't be disheartened.

The fetishists are horrible. The expectations they have of an easy grateful lay wearing a bad wig and cheap underwear, to be treated and spoken to in a way they'd never talk to their wives, are just vile.

Truckers passing through - keep driving please. Unsolicited 'I'm very discreet' messages - oh, you'd deign to sleep with me but assume I'd want everyone knowing I'd had you!

Random 'kid' - well kid is a broad term - how old? Twenties is fine. Try that.

Just dating in general. From finding a guy who can deal with the trans side to being in a relationship with anyone. Its a minefield of difficult problems.

Quote from: chrissydr on September 14, 2016, 11:13:21 AM
Just dating in general. From finding a guy who can deal with the trans side to being in a relationship with anyone. Its a minefield of difficult problems.

sorry, I was being sarcastic. I won't say how long it's been since I dated because it's too humiliating. I feel your pain

It's a total minefield. You'll figure it out, just keep going! ^__^

My approach is to stumble and flail through it and just keep going. Sure I've cried a lot since I started dating again but that's part of the journey.

Quote from: chrissydr on September 14, 2016, 10:36:17 AM
Can I just say that its a bitch (Excuse my lenguage) of a minefield, when it comes to trying to find a date. I have tried jsut about every dating site that I can find, and I either get some strange old guy with a weird fetish or I get just some random kid...

I am so alone, that I am going to cry and I can't find a man which makes it even more depressing...

So sad and so alone....boo

-Chrissy

I find dating as not so much you go looking for a date especially on websites. Especially Porn sites. As to meeting people in general and developing a relationship is usually a serendipitous event. You could just as easily find a relationship in a coffee shop. Or with your hairdresser. The key I am told is confidence, If you are up front that you won't accept bs. from anyone. Either they respect you or they move on. Want confirmation of their willingness and desire for you. Don't have sex the first time you see them.

Its just so frustrating. I am slowly becoming more impatient. I am just getting to the point of meh with it. I do try to just let things happen, but I get impatient. You know how it is. I will get there, but its just a meh moment today...this week, and maybe this year.

Most the people on dating websites don't have confidence and as with anything there are people that would take advantage of it. Go slow, be safe.Take the time to develop relationships. It's a marathon not a sprint.

I was one told that they come when you least expect them. I have stopped dating for awhile and met a great man. It's not perfect but it completely changed my mind about finding someone to love you.

For now, make yourself beautiful and confident. Men can smell desperation and they stay clear of that.

xo

Quote from: DawnOday on September 14, 2016, 12:24:17 PM
I find dating as not so much you go looking for a date especially on websites. Especially Porn sites. As to meeting people in general and developing a relationship is usually a serendipitous event. You could just as easily find a relationship in a coffee shop. Or with your hairdresser. The key I am told is confidence, If you are up front that you won't accept bs. from anyone. Either they respect you or they move on. Want confirmation of their willingness and desire for you. Don't have sex the first time you see them.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

No to your final sentence. That's a rule made to be broken if the chemistry calls for it.

Quote from: April_TO on September 14, 2016, 01:07:53 PM
I was one told that they come when you least expect them. I have stopped dating for awhile and met a great man. It's not perfect but it completely changed my mind about finding someone to love you.

For now, make yourself beautiful and confident. Men can smell desperation and they stay clear of that.

xo

Yes, good ones do, but bad ones home right in on it - the same as women pretty much. That's why so many people are in unhealthy relationships that everyone outside it can see happening a mile off.

In your desperation, you may find yourself being taken advantage of, in which case it's best to just not bother.

Yes, it's best when you chance upon it. Which can be said about so much, from love, through great books and restaurants, to a simple night out...it's the big planned nights that are disappointments. It's the couple of after work drinks that turn into chaos that end up being amazing.

It's nice to hear that you've found someone who appreciates you. Hopefully the OP will be encouraged and comforted by that.

Quote from: DawnOday on September 14, 2016, 12:24:17 PM
I find dating as not so much you go looking for a date especially on websites. Especially Porn sites. As to meeting people in general and developing a relationship is usually a serendipitous event. You could just as easily find a relationship in a coffee shop. Or with your hairdresser. The key I am told is confidence, If you are up front that you won't accept bs. from anyone. Either they respect you or they move on. Want confirmation of their willingness and desire for you. Don't have sex the first time you see them.

I tell the people I date that I have a personal rule of no sex for the first 30 days after we start dating. I found that it weeds out the ones that just want sex. Honestly I've never made it to the 30 day mark without giving in and having sex but that's not really the point of the rule...

I'd settle for dinner and a movie

Hey Chrissydr,

I would urge you to persevere!!!!...Very early into my transition, I knew I wanted to try going out with a guy after a lifetime of relationships with women. I signed up on several of the TG/CD specific dating sites and was quite surprised with the amount of responses I received. As you can imagine... Much of it was a little crude and not all that welcome but, amongst all of it, I found a few that that were nice!!!... Not only secure with who they were, but secure with the attraction they felt to me as an "unconventional woman." They approached me in a respectful manner, shared themselves honestly through what they wrote me and I did the same.

There was one in particular with whom I seemed to share a lot of common ground and lived just two hours north... We met in person and all has gone well since... He is a wonderful supportive man who has been with me through the whole process of facial procedures, GRS etc. We got a house together over a year ago and last December he proposed to me... We are getting married next Monday!!!

My story, I believe, is likely a bit outside the norm... I know it can be a tough world for us on all fronts but especially out there on the dating scene....I am writing this because I want it out there that sometimes it works out!!!.. And...in ways you never saw coming!!!..... You need to move into things with confidence in who you are and knowing you have a place in this world just like everyone else. Move ahead with respect for yourself, for others and with hope!!!

When I decided to transition, I knew I had to so that I could live MY life but I suspected my decision was also going to lead down a very sad and lonely path. Happily, I was wrong!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. It has been a bit difficult as late. As its been quite some time, since I have felt anything close to a relationship. I have been trying the online route and have come across a few nice guys. Mostly dick pics, but Its been difficult. I did have a bit of a possibility with someone outside of the net, but it went a bit sour. I found out that he wasn't ready for a relationship himself. He's not put off by me as much as has his own stuff to deal with.

I shall persevere, but its a LONG and somewhat lonely road. Who knows, he might grow out, maybe not. But I am trying to stay strong and keep going. We shall see.

Thanks again for the kind words

-Chris

Due to the way guys are where I live, I opted to use dating sites. The ones that date to trans or intersex are full of fetishists. However, (though I am not permitted today which one) there is a mainstream dating site that is free, and allows to to put whatever gender distinction you want to use, including multiples.

Patience and tolerance are virtues. It took 20 months of blocking trolls, and being stood up before I found the man I married.

At least dating sites give you a way to show you are available, whereas the general public could only guess. You also get to read profiles and weed out those you don't want to be with. Just remember to keep realistic expectations.

Quote from: April_TO on September 14, 2016, 01:07:53 PM
I was one told that they come when you least expect them. I have stopped dating for awhile and met a great man.

It certainly happens when you least expect it, I had dated a few men but it never developed further, then I met a guy at a house party in 2008, he had just broken up with his girl friend, I suppose it just happened at that time, we exchanged phone numbers but I wasn't expecting what happen next, he got in touch and took me out to dinner, we had a lovely evening and then he drove me home, I wasn't expecting to see him again, then he ask me out on another date, it developed slowly over time with no pressure, I used to feel a bit guilty as he'd insist on paying for everything, dinner and movies etc we just sort of clicked, when I eventually told him I was trans, he was a bit shocked but very accepting and very supportive, after dating for 18 months he proposed to me, we got married in August 2010, still married after 6 years, when I transition I never expected to end up a housewife and married to a man, it unexpectly happened that way, I've no regrets.

Quote from: tgirlamc on September 15, 2016, 01:00:58 AM
Hey Chrissydr,

I would urge you to persevere!!!!...Very early into my transition, I knew I wanted to try going out with a guy after a lifetime of relationships with women. I signed up on several of the TG/CD specific dating sites and was quite surprised with the amount of responses I received. As you can imagine... Much of it was a little crude and not all that welcome but, amongst all of it, I found a few that that were nice!!!... Not only secure with who they were, but secure with the attraction they felt to me as an "unconventional woman." They approached me in a respectful manner, shared themselves honestly through what they wrote me and I did the same.

There was one in particular with whom I seemed to share a lot of common ground and lived just two hours north... We met in person and all has gone well since... He is a wonderful supportive man who has been with me through the whole process of facial procedures, GRS etc. We got a house together over a year ago and last December he proposed to me... We are getting married next Monday!!!

My story, I believe, is likely a bit outside the norm... I know it can be a tough world for us on all fronts but especially out there on the dating scene....I am writing this because I want it out there that sometimes it works out!!!.. And...in ways you never saw coming!!!..... You need to move into things with confidence in who you are and knowing you have a place in this world just like everyone else. Move ahead with respect for yourself, for others and with hope!!!

When I decided to transition, I knew I had to so that I could live MY life but I suspected my decision was also going to lead down a very sad and lonely path. Happily, I was wrong!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

OMG Congratulations!!! I love weddings  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

I've more or less given up on dating - granted I'm partnered but we're polyamorous so I sometimes have the itch for seeing someone different.

After 8 years of not seeing anyone but my SO, in the last couple of years I've chanced on 3 different women I really bonded to, only one progressed to sex which was fine, another may yet but she lives far away for now.

I wasn't really looking in the case of 2 of the 3, just people I met pursuing career and art. It helps that I'm in a liberal city with a strong lgbt presence (tho one of them is a woman from Beijing who hadn't the vaguest idea what a trans person was).

Over the same time my relationships have improved all over during a period of becoming sufficiently first frustrated with the trans beast and then comfortable as I chose to transition and be out about it. I've been pleasantly surprised also with a couple of women who've gone from being standoffish to welcoming me as one of the female tribe - not dating, just being friends in a different way than before.

So yeah, no dating for me, just relationships.