When I told my Mom when I was 5 is was not happy or sad; I was not scared or ashamed. Soon after I was sad, scared ashamed and hurt. My life changed in the days going forward. I was forced to get a crew cut which I was forced to even through mid grade school. I had to stop playing with my friends that were girls. I was told it was a phase and I was confused. I could not wear any of my sisters cloths and I could not wear any makeup.

At age 5 I hated being different. It got worse as time passed.

Things finally came to a head and I had to get help to deal with being different. Being different is all I have ever known. Accepting I am different and being myself is something I had to work very hard at. People can put whatever label they want on my Identity. I know I am just me.

I think joy comes from being accepted and from learning to accept yourself, but not from being transgender. That doesn't mean you can't be proud of your transness, but I don't think anyone is joyful that they're trans. I'm proud to be trans... but not joyful.

I find complete joy in being who I am. "Transgender" refers to a process, not who you are. The process can suck, with societal resistance, appearance problems, unrealistic expectations, financial issues, etc.

I see me as who I know I am. Of course, I am doing things to reinforce my female self that helps me feel better and helps me be more effeminate, like breast growth, makeup, nice dresses, etc. But honestly, I find joy in me, period.

Imagine you had a splinter in your spine that caused you horrible, chronic pain your whole life.  All the doctors you ever went to told you any procedure to remove it would likely result in probable morbidity and refused you treatment.  They all advised you that you just need to find ways to cope with the pain. Then after say 57 years you met a doctor who said she could remove the splinter with a fairly easy procedure. You agree and the doctor performs the procedure.  You awake from surgery pain free for the first time in your life.

Is there any joy in than?

You tell me.

Honestly, if I could wish away the fact that I'm trans and become a cis woman, I would in an instant.

If I could have started life as a cis girl, that would have been infinitely preferable to being trans.

Quote from: Steph Eigen on September 22, 2016, 07:55:24 AM
It seems to me more open discussion of ->-bleeped-<- has spanned a group of the confused who are probably not truly transgender but just confused.  Many of these individuals seem to be excited to discover that they are or believe they are transgender.  Actually, they seem frankly elated to be transgender. 

Before we start judging who is a "true transgender" (the "I suffered so if you didn't suffer like I did something must be wrong" notion) consider that maybe for some people having a name for your condition and a path to treatment would be a joyful moment. There's less social sanction against being trans as there was when many of us were young, so for some people it may be a more neutral realization since they live in a more supportive environment. If you had been suffering with a health condition you didn't understand for years and nobody could help you and then you saw a video with other people with the same condition and they had a cure, wouldn't you just sit up and be totally elated?

Those of us who are older didn't feel elated to find out we were trans because our first thought was that our life would be really hard, we would be unemployed and homeless and end up in sex work or arrested, etc, etc. But young people don't have these thoughts--they see Janet Mock on TV and Caitlyn Jenner. They think "I am trans and I can become whoever I was meant to be and this dysphoria I've been living with will fade away".

Another thing I've noticed is that non-binary people seem to adjust better to a trans identity than binary people. Just the thought of being trans can cause binary trans people a lot of dysphoria, so maybe that is the reason why. Anyway, a lot of non binary trans people are coming out now and pursuing treatment and transition options and from what I've seen they seem to adjust a lot quicker. You know, as a binary person we can sometimes get envious that someone else we know from our support groups or in our community is perfectly well adjusted with a gender bending or gender queer presentation and getting mixed pronouns from people while we are still in so much pain about those things.

We're not all the same and we should not expect all of our stories to be the same.

Quote from: JessicaSondelli on September 22, 2016, 10:29:51 AM
I believe being transgender is an awesome thing. Who else got to experience both sides of gender? The tough part is simply the lack of acceptance by the so called mainstream society. If we would be simply accepted as who we are, I'm sure the suicide rate would be much more comparable to non trans people. Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go....

You are correct about this. If you dig into the stats about trans suicide rates, the risk of suicide is greatly increased by having a family of origin that rejects you. So, yes, the dysphoria monster kills but it's much more deadly when everyone in that person's life rejects them as well. It's a lot easier to face it with help and love from others.

When younger, it was a curse that I hated.  I did my best to get by and live as best I could.  I thought I was insane (what sane person wants to shift gender???) and I was alone.  There was no resource for me to figure out what I was actually working with.  When I figured out that there was nothing to be done for my situation, I went on auto pilot with life and dealt with dysphoria and depression until I was informed that I was not crazy and that I could do something about my 'condition'.

At that point, I was elated.  OMG, there is an actual name for what I am and I am not alone!  I still did not want to be transsexual, but at least I had company and that was comforting.  It was at this point that the acceptance started to work on myself and how I wanted to address the feelings and desires.  It is that day in 1992, November in Perth Australia where I actually started my transition...but it was not until 1996 that the physical transition started.

Fast forward to today...a lot of time has passed and I am working on myself in the physical realm.  I have socially transitioned over the past 20 years and while still not easy, the physical transition is now well underway.  I am happy with who I am, I am okay with the fact that I am transgender, but seriously...I would have just as soon been born cis and got on with it.  I kind of look forward to the day where I can just live and not be identified as trans or anything other than the woman I am.

For me there is no joy in being trans.  I wish I wasn't.  But I am.  There is joy in doing something positive about it and not feeling like crap all the time.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I found the responses incredibly informative and helpful.

I am not unhappy with what I am but troubled as many have responded with the difficulties being transgender introduces into life in daily life.  In other words, I do not find any dismay or distress in being transgender, am very happy with the insights and sensitivities I enjoy that I would not have had otherwise however find distress in navigating relationships and society in general in a non-traditional role.

I agree with most of the posts:  I would not have it any other way but life would have been simpler without being trans.