On the name change, I just got two close friends to sign it. It's also worth pointing out that you do not need to enroll your deed poll. The Passport Office and other governmental departments do not require this to be done as proof of name change, so all those agencies are making money out of nothing.

I used a free website to generate my deed poll (just google "free deed poll"), and then printed 4 copies onto thick 180gsm paper and got them all completed at the same time. This is also perfectly legal.

When you send your change of name and deed poll to the Passport Office, you can also request a change of gender on your passport, and there are no special requirements for changing your gender marker on your passport.

Hope this helps!


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Just received my first 'official' appointment with Dr Khoosal on 21st December. It's taken just over 11 months! The brief letter tells me that I can bring someone with me if I want to so it sounds like it's the initial mind-probing appointment that all you went through and is the one I wanted to avoid. As you may remember previously, Dr Timmings told me that the 'noise' in my head that I used to get before I started medicating was a form of schizophrenia and now that it's gone neither myself or I want it to come back!

I also had my echocardiogram this morning, ordered by Dr Timmings, because he could't hear some of my heart valves during my physical examination. Colleagues at work said I don't have a heart and am just one of the walking dead. I told them if that's the case I'll being going hungry because there's certainly a lack of brains around the place!

Laura Ann I did the free deed poll too.  Added in the wording to change my title from Mr to Miss as well, although its not necessary as titles have no standing anyway unless they are protected ones, but I thought it might make it easier to get that changed over too. 

and likewise I printed 4 and signed and witnessed them all at the same time (printed 5 but the 5th one came out a mess!!), for witnesses I decided to have that chat to one of my neighbours as 10 months of expecting to get caught and commented to hadn't happened yet!. Turns out nobody had noticed but the news soon shot around the neighbourhood. 

So far i have only had a little pushback from three mobile phone when using my deed poll as they said it needed to be signed by a solicitor or court,  Challenged them on what grounds they were requiring such and eventually got handed over to a supervisor who caved in immediately.  Electoral register didn't even ask for the deed poll!

A little addition to Emilys advice on passports, they have just last month introduced a new requirement for supporting name changes via deed poll and you may need to include supporting evidence of use, its all detailed in this doc and not mentioned in the guide for trans people

Guide on names
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/548220/Annex_A_passports_August_2016.pdf

Guide for trans people
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/251703/Applying_for_a_passport_additional_information.PDF


Holly,  seems weird they are saying its a first appointment,  Did you already get your letter from Dr Timmins with your diagnosis, I'm guessing so as you have the recommendation for HRT, so if its a second opinion appointment then if its anything like mine, your head will spin, not from the probing but from the speed your in and out.  It really wasn't any more than a follow up and cross check of what had already been talked about with Dr Timmins. But he had read my file thoroughly and started off asking about freezing my stuff and IVF as Dr Timmins was insistent I strongly considered it in my 1'st appointment, so fortunately I just had to say "All done" and that was that.  So Just keep her quiet for a few mins and you will be fine I'm sure.

Emily, wow to the new profile pic, those little pills are working on you girl.  your face is really feminising well.

Awww thanks! That makes me feel good, I just wish the damn hair removal process was quicker!

Thanks for the Passport info too, looks like a bank statement is sufficient which is good :-)


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Another frustrating visit to the doctor!
About 3 weeks ago my GP called to ask me to book an appointment with him for my GnRH injection (leuprorelin acetate - mods, you can't buy this!) but unfortunately my legs and feet had ballooned and I ended up down at the hospital with suspected DVT. He asked me again whether I wanted to still go ahead and I told him it was better to sort out the swelling first so that we don't introduce something new into the picture which may affect the results of the investigation. It turned out to be water retention and I was given a course of water tablets and told to reduce my salt intake.

Three weeks later I managed to get an appointment for my injection and was told this morning to collect it from my local chemist. The pharmacist told me that because this type of injection was so rare they don't carry it in stock and would have to order it in, which could take 2 or 3 days. I asked them to do this. I went for my appointment and quizzed the doctor about my injection. He immediately grabbed for his medical journal, found the drug, but it didn't tell him how to administer it. I then slowly pushed a peice of paper containing words of wisdon from Lisa towards him. He the agreed to let the resident nurse handle it, except that she was away until next week! I have now booked an appointment for next Tuesday. I also got my latest bloodwork and was alarmed to see that my T has shot up from 0.3 to 6! So much for being told by Dr Timmings that my Oestrogen level had shut down my T production! I felt something wasn't right shortly after my medication was changed but followed what I had been told to do. I'm now splitting the T blocker and taking half twice a day instead of one a day as I know the blocking effect lasts around 8 hours, so hopefully that will sort things out.

I do want to finish on a positive note....
Being the shy and retireing type I am helping with stage management for a production of "One Man, Two Guvnors" (the play that gave James Cordon his break) at my local theatre. Before starting anything, I was introduced to the entire cast and crew as Holly. A few puzzled expressions but only from a those who knew me from before under a different name.

I have also taken on the Aspire Channel Swim 2016, swimming the distance of the Channel over 12 weeks to raise money for spinal cord injured people. I'll be making a new forum post about this but if anyone would like to check my progress or contribute you can find me here: http://www.aspirechannelswim.co.uk/user/u/10070

Holly x

My limited understanding of leupro is that it causes a huge T spike for 1-2 weeks before it crashes, then stays that way for as long as you keep having injections.

Quote from: Holly2016 on September 06, 2016, 07:08:13 AM
I then slowly pushed a peice of paper containing words of wisdon from Lisa towards him. He the agreed to let the resident nurse handle it,

  I feel I need to add a disclaimer now and in the voice-over at the end of Brooklyn  nine-nine "not a doctor" lol

I'm sure there are variations but here is a university of youtube video of preparing a prostap injection which pretty much was what Dr Timmins was showing me,  There is a little passage on the side of the syringe where the liquid flows between the chambers when you push the plunger, The middle bung moves forward until the passage is open, then the rear bung pushes the liquid through until it meets the middle bung and then they both go to the blue line and close off the passage again, then you mix it to make sure all the graininess is gone.

The only other thing with the video is she is doing it subcutaneous in the belly and Dr T said intramuscular as it holds better so probably in the leg or arm.



Warning not for the squeamish if you watch to the end as she does the injection on herself (i didn't watch that bit and covered the screen lol) and it all looks a bit scary!!!

Sorry to hear about the feet though and it putting a delay on, you should have told him to give you some spironolactone, that would get you pissing out all that retained water sharpish and solve the need to cut down on salt.

T levels may have been high if you had the draw in the morning vs afternoon as they drop throughout the day, and yeah prostap will probably give you a higher spike for a few weeks as well due to the way it works.

Oh injections, if I end up going that way I will find a friendly nurse who can do it for me, I'd probably pass out before even getting it in. lol

I finally got my injection on Thursday. I was apprehensive, especially about about the 2 inch long neadle, thinking this was going to hurt as it was going into muscle. I had a coffee with a frind a couple of weeks ago and she peeled of her plaster and showed me the 'hole' that this neadle had made on the lower half of her chest and described how how painful it had been, how some of the injection had come out again and how the wound it had bled. So with this in mind I was more than a little nervous. Fortunately my nurse is very experienced with intramuscular injections. She knew how to properly prepare it, taking care everyhing was well mixed, told me to bend over, and spiked me in the bum. No pain, no blood and no plaster! I could feel where the neadle had been for a few hours afterwards but nothing bad. Four days later and I've had no side-effects at all.


In June I approached SK:N Birmingham about facial hair removal and they were NOT friendly and NOT helpful, even refusing to have a consultation with me until the NHS had agreed to blindly fund everything BEFORE they were prepared to make a treatment quote. The 'senior' consultant I spoke to didn't seem to care what guidelines the NHS had laid down for funding partners, that SK:N nationally had agreed to, and just wanted things done their way. The GIC even emailed SK:N with a copy of the guidelines, but that was just ignored and they never replied.

On 13th Sepetember I went over for a consultation about facial hair removal with Penny Turver (http://hairremovalspecialist.co.uk), having emailed her a few days before, and she was a complete contrast to SK:N. She was friendly, listened to what I had to say, looked at my skin and talked about what treatments she could offer. She even made me a very nice cup of tea! Her business is at her home in Solihull and I felt very comfortable there. Yesterday (25th) she emailed me to say that my NHS funding had been approved and was able to offer me 2 IPL sessions and 8 x 1 hour electrolysis sessions. I've made some progress on my face with my own home IPL gun, which is probably why I'm only down for 2 IPL sessions so she can concentrate on my lighter hairs. My first treatment is next Saturday and I'll let you all know how I get on.

Yeah go team holly.  Glad the injection wasn't as bad as feared, I'm still bricking it though, hope i get a nurse as experienced, but I've still got to get my GP to prescribe it first so fingers crossed they wont give me any grief.

Hope everything goes well for the hair removal and everting else you've got going on.

hi everyone, I'm Alexa, I'm still waiting to hear about a first appointment at Daventry got my letter in may and been placed on the waiting list, it would be nice to make some friends, however I'm still very new to this site so everything still new here.

good luck everyone

Alexa

Hi Alexa,

Welcome on-board. You are in for a really wild and exciting ride!
I've read through your posts and I can understand what it's like to have your mind jumping all over the place. I was anxiious, frustrated and apparently suffered from schizophrenia (diagnosed by Dr Timmings) which was with me from the minute I woke up until the minute I went to bed. For me, HRT was my salvation. After 1 week my schizophrenia completely disappeared and, as my T levels dropped, I became very calm and was able start thinking clearly for the very first time. Hopefully the same will happen to you.

Confusion over your sexual orientation is simply because you don't know who you are at the moment, but as you discover yourself this will sort itself out. Dr Timmings went through sexual preference with me and, while he said that the hormones themselves would not change who I am attracted to, but that my 'optons' would increase. In his experience, curiosity after transitioning often lead to encounters and relationships that would have been impossible before. I personally DO believe that HRT may affect sexual preference as the oestragen is certainly changing the way I think and feel. While I am only attracted to women now, I have to accept that in the future my 'female brain' may have other ideas. I don't think HRT will force you one way or the other (or bi), it will simply allow you to accept what is and be comfortable with yourself.

It's always good to talk to someone about your feelings, hopes and fears. I drew great strength from my partner and friends knowing that I could be completely honest with them. Getting involved with my company's Diversity & Inclusion and Transgender community also helped me meet and understand people from across the whole LGBT spectum and I played a part creating the company's national managers and HR guides for dealing with transgender employees. For me, work, friends and social media have been my 'support network', a vital lifeline, and I'm glad that you have chosen us to be part life.

You can always send me a personal message.

Holly x

thank you holly, I'm glad you are feeling better within yourself, I've already been diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD due to holding my self back all theses year, rather that letting my true self out. i don't know if anxiety gets better or worse but I've been told to treat it before my HRT by different people others have said that it may get better, i went to my local gym today to start a membership as i think this may keep my mind occupied to continue quiting smoking and also help my PTSD plus keep myself fit as well, i hope everything goes well for you, i'm not sure how to private message as when i click on any account apart from my own it says i'm not able to view it or anything.

Alexa x

Hey Alexa :-)

Welcome to the Northants clan! Anxiety is a bitch and something we all struggle with, but some more than others. I'd be more than happy to have a chat online or meet up for tea/coffee/cake. The road ahead is often less complicated than you might think :-)


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Oh you need to have 15 posts to use PM I believe :-)


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thank you, 'byanyothername' I'd be more than happy to meet up sometime for a coffee/tea I'm not too far from Northampton its self without giving too many details out as i know to be careful online i have a FB account if this makes it easier to message, i find my anxiety to be another issue preventing me from socially transitioning, not to mention i feel as though i'm a passenger in my male body that sounds very strange i know but thats how i feel on a day to day basis, being in fear of how others my perceive me, which i know is silly but i find myself a worry box in other situations in my life, however so far joining this forum has help me not to feel so alone and has enabled me to express my feelings and thoughts i have spent a long time suppressing, i don't have many friends around here and that's mainly because i feel that they may figure out everything without me telling them in my own time, hear says horrible and i've been a victim of it once before. anyway wishing you all the best and thank you for the welcome message. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012133110382


Alexa

Hi Alexa,

Sorry a bit late with the welcome mat, but welcome anyway.   Reading your above post and I had a poke around your other posts too and I see a lot of how i felt/feel in there.  Its surprising how we can move forward though just by little steps at a time and then look back in amazement at what we have achieved.

Yesterday I was anxious about going to the GP today as I felt i should/wanted to go as Lisa but didn't think I would be up to sitting there in the waiting room and then they would call me in by <dead name> I resigned myself to going as him.  This morning I woke up and thought WTH and painted my nails, did my make-up and got dressed, time ticked away until too late to change back now, so off I went.  Sat there with butterflies on how the call in would go, and yep <dead name> followed by Wow "I didn't recognise you" end result I got my bits of paper for my NHS E and Prostap and a note on my file to call me in as Lisa.

Likewise a few months ago I was so wound up about telling my first neighbour I burst into tears as they fully accepted me,  This past Sunday I casually brought my transition up with one of my other neighbours who had heard the jungle drums but I hadn't spoken to yet and it was almost a nonchalant as discussing the weather.  All of it absolutely unthinkable not very long ago, and many of those steps forward have seemed huge and too much right up until the deep breath and foot forward moment and now they are just little everyday steps of normal life.

I also found all those things I would dwell on and over think, E and the way I have grown and adapted mentally as I have taken steps forward have had a way of changing my perspective massively.  I cant really recall ever having such a shift in the way I look at the world and how I feel about things than since I started this journey.  A lot of things I stressed about and spent so long figuring out really don't matter to me any more, and things I used to think were unimportant now seem critical.  Its hard to explain but things I though in the past, even things I wrote down for my counselling earlier this year, I look back at now and don't really recognise them as my thoughts.

And on that note with your posts on sexuality,  I detect a concern you may turn out liking Guys, I can see how it may bother someone who hasn't before and has always had an eye for the female form.  But if you do end up liking guys I bet you it will be something where your outlook will naturally shift to accommodate such that it wont be a big deal any more, after all if you end up liking guys then it will be because you enjoy liking them.  Just keep an open mind and let it adapt as it wants to.

thank you for your prospective and also sharing some of you're own experiences Lisa, really.. it helps me to understand that theses are not alone feelings, when i first approached my GP, i went in male mode but still has very slight changes that i felt comfortable to go out in society as, without feeling that fear of rejection or more of 'everyone looking at me and pointing' kind of situation, i told my GP how i felt and anticipated how i would explain it without first completely breaking down as i felt i would do this. i didn't breakdown but came close to it. in regards to my sexuality, at this time i couldn't picture being with another guy but the root of that problem may be that my outside self reflects a totally different person to who is inside of me which is why i often feel a passenger that being said i can adapt to changes, i've spent a lot of my life adapting to change some being exciting others not so, without saying too much i was involved in care from the age of 4 till i was 18 which put a massive block on my inner gender and personality, i found it difficult as a result of this as lots of safe guarding and risk assessments are involved in care for the protection of there young people so social transition in this kind of place would be deemed inappropriate, granted care also helped me get the right help as they have to be seen to be doing there job properly. i know i have gone on abit and thank you for your comments oh and thank you for the facebook add.

all the best

Alexa

All is not rosy with Team Holly, but I'll get to that in a minute. First my experience with professional IPL.

Before we got started I handed Penny a treatment card that I had completed earlier. This contained questions such as current medication, asking whether I have, or had a list of skin problems, moles, pigments, etc. There was also a scale as to how easily I tanned or burnt in the sun and this, together with skin colour and facial hair thickness & colour, was the baseline for the IPL machine. She went through what she was going to do before laying me down me down on the couch and handing me some goggles. She then put some cooling gel on my face, which I think was Alo Vera, and went to work with the 'gun'. I was warned that I may feel a little discomfort, but the reality was like being shot in the face nail gun full of pins! Yes, it hurt. Penny kept asking me if I was OK (seeing me flinching all the time) and whether I wanted the level reducing. I told her to cary on as the pain meant that more hair roots would get killed, so less hair would grow back -  she didn't disagree with me! She moved to serveral areas around my face, chin and neck and after 15 minutes it was all over (I think that this was a patch test rather than the first full treatment). I was then given a tube of Alo Vera gel to use on my face if it became hot, irritated or dry and booked me in for my next session in 4 weeks time. She told me that IPL could only be done every 4 weeks, but I could start my electrolysis in the meantime, so I'll probably be alternating between the two every 2 weeks.

On the way home my face was a little warm so I was glad of the gel because it was soothing, especially as I couldn't use any moistureiser, creams or oils after I shaved before treatment. Next day I was back using my moistureiser, creams and oils and my skin hasn't reacted at all.

Now we get to some problems that I have been having over the past couple of months. When I was taken off my own medicine and given a bridging prescription I was told by Dr Timmings that the Estradiol in my system would suppress my T, that I did not need spiro and only a lower dose of Fin. WRONG! Within a couple of weeks I felt a little strange and slightly agitated. Two weeks after that I was also a little anxious, regular mild headaches. my scalp became itchy and I noticed that I was shedding a lot more hair. When it came to my blood test, the results confirmed what I had suspected, my T was 20x higher and just below the lowest 'male' value. I did nothing because my injection was due in a few days. Two weeks later I finally had my injection and my physical health was starting to deteriorate. I caught a virus, got laryngitis and wasn't able to swim or get to the gym. My voice still hasn't recovered fully but the virus has left it me with a lower pitch and wiped out 7 months of voice training. As you all know leuprolide acetate takes time to work and you get a T spike in the first month. Unfortunately as my T level increases my mental health deteriorates and at the weekend the first signs of my schizophrenia reappeared. I now tired all the time, slightly confused, no concentration and my head feels like it's in a vice. My weight has also started to go up - it's like going back into the dark shadows of the past before my overdose. I've emailed the GIC but had no response yet so I've gone back onto what's left of my own medication, which will only last a week. I never expected T poisioning to have such a big effect on me at this stage.

Holly x

With all the stuff with my medication last week, by Thursday I was pretty despondent. In the morning I went swimming and a nice elderly couple cheerfully said "Good morning young man" (they could only see my head above the water), so my mind is spinning round with negative thoughts about how, after 9 months of medication, I still looked the same. That was, until 2.30pm when something quite unexpected happened. I dressed in semi-boy mode with a ponytail and went off to work.

Where I work is split into 3 separate areas, each connected by a long corridor with separate toilets, so the room containing the teams that you work with don't really mix with the other two sections. On this particular day the toilets in my section were being cleaned, so I went to another area where I don't really know anyone. I walked into the male toilets and there were 5 guys in front of me, four facing the washbasins one facing towards me. He looked me up and down and slowly curved his elbow and gestured in a sideways pointing motion before quietly saying 'Ladies toilets next door". I couldn't stop the smile on my face as I entered the nearest cubicle and that smile lasted all day. I think you could call it positive misgendering!

Today (Sunday) I went with my partner to a charity shop at a recycling centre. Again, I dressed pretty conservatively, everyone there is friendly enough but the volunteer staff are all no-nonsense, hard grafters who say exactly what they think. I noticed a few of them looking at me briefly as I entered before they carried on with what they were doing. As we browsed, me and my partner heard a voice behind us "Excuse me ladies" and one of the staff moved past us to put something on one of the shelves.

At home I look in the mirror and still see the same male face, but maybe, finally, something is beginning to happen. The one thing I really can't hide now are the bobs, even with baggy T-shirts, so that may have something to do with what's starting to happen.

Positive misgendering twice in three days - bloody brilliant!

Holly x