I'm sure this has been hashed over many many times, but I wanted to ask anyway and get some personalized answers.

so about 4 years ago I was transitioning to female. and i was about 4 months into HRT when I stopped all of it cold turkey. (long story)

lately these feelings have been coming back, as they always do, and I'm feeling an immense amount of regret for stopping like i did. I look at old pictures, saw how much progress I made and how much potential I had. and I'm afraid that lost time cost me dearly.

correct me if im wrong please. but also don't sugar coat it. i cant afford to have unrealistic expectations.

so the questions I have are this.

Can I expect the same results on HRT at 27-28 as I could have at 23-24?
looking at all those pictures. most even being pre HRT, I feel most of my pass ability comes from my youth. and that I've probably lost the window of good results and have many more male features I'd have to deal with.

the second question being, if one was on HRT before and stopped like I did. would that affect the results if it was attempted again? does the body build up an immunity to it, or more likely stopping like i did just shut off things for good?

since i dont think anyone on here remembers me from that long ago, I've attached some pics for reference.


probably around 1 year into being female. still pre HRT.


a few months into HRT


the last pictures I ever took as female. very close to when i stopped.




and a recent picture of me 4 years later as male



ANY thoughts are welcome.

The picture makes it difficult to determine what your outcome will be. You have a weeks worth of facial hair, it appears you may have gained some weight, the glasses and the hair style don't work for me. That said, I have seen far more dramatic changes take place in the before and after thread and even one where the before and after were only a few hours apart. In the end, what really matters is what will make you happy. I didn't care if I ended up an ugly woman as long as I was no longer a man. Even today I am not attractive and at times I don't pass but I am many times happier with my life now than I think I ever was as a male.

I'm sorry I truly mean no harm , but whenever I hear a person in their 20's worried about what HRT will do I kind of freak. You'll get the results you were meant to get  physically . If mentally you are meant to be on estrogen you'll find euphoria no matter what your age.  Under the philosophy that age is the all important equation I should of absolutely dug a grave for myself and laid down. Sorry for being blunt .

Quote from: stephaniec on October 06, 2016, 08:28:41 PM
I'm sorry I truly mean no harm , but whenever I hear a person in their 20's worried about what HRT will do I kind of freak. You'll get the results you were meant to get  physically . If mentally you are meant to be on estrogen you'll find euphoria no matter what your age.  Under the philosophy that age is the all important equation I should of absolutely dug a grave for myself and laid down. Sorry for being blunt .

It's not that age is the all important equation as much as it is the regret is eating me alive.
I want to feel like stopping for four years didn't set me back and hinder my results so much. that I could hope for the same success I had back then.

I didnt find the euphoria on estrogen before. i expected it but I didnt feel any different mentally. i didnt even see results on my body till i looked at the pictures years later. which makes me wonder if it was more my youth than hormones.

I was full time female for two years. and only on HRT for 4 months of that. so I dont think I gave it enough time before panicking and stopping like i did.

more or less I'm curious if having been on hrt for 4 months in the past would affect going back to it four years later positively or negatively. and if the 4 year gap will really have a profound difference in what my end result could be.

you should be ok at 30, then definitely your 40's. Really, depends on how you feel about transitioning. Something you need to talk to a therapist. 

Quote from: SonadoraXVX on October 06, 2016, 10:46:45 PM
you should be ok at 30, then definitely your 40's. Really, depends on how you feel about transitioning. Something you need to talk to a therapist. 

been on a waiting list for a therapist for 4 weeks now. been going crazy not having anyone to talk to about it.

My surgery date was 1982 and treatment was a bit more primitive back then. The current avatar picture was about 4 years after surgery or about 34 years old. Prior to surgery, no blockers as they didn't exist. Had my levels been tested, I would have had low but normal male testosterone levels with a little bit of estrogen mixed in. My second therapist thought I looked to masculine to pass. I spent 8 years attempting to locate treatment. Yes I would have liked to do it much sooner but I can't change what happened so there is no point living in the past. At some point you have to say what's done is done and move on with your life. If you wish to remain in the male role, that is your decision. If you want to live in the female role, again that is your decision. Now is the time to decide how you want to live the rest of your life. What will make Eve happy. That is a question only you can answer.

I'm curious that you felt no different on HRT. Most of us feel different on hormones (and that includes cis people who get treatment because their hormones are off). Would you mind sharing what your hormone regimen was? For example, was it an androgen blocker or estrogen or both?

Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on October 07, 2016, 05:18:49 AM
I'm curious that you felt no different on HRT. Most of us feel different on hormones (and that includes cis people who get treatment because their hormones are off). Would you mind sharing what your hormone regimen was? For example, was it an androgen blocker or estrogen or both?

It's n so long now I don't remember too much. Just what I wrote in my blogs. I was seeing an endoconologist and I remember at 3 months I told her I didn't feel much. She told me I was on a low dose. I had one type of blocker and estrogen. My dose was upped the last month I was on it. I can't recall of I felt different then or not. All I can remember is I wanted to feel like I passed without trying so hard. So I cut my hair short and wore not neutral clothing. And it made me feel really good.
Then I panicked. Maybe because I couldn't pass as well. Maybe because I had no money and was about to be homeless. But overall I started to feel o would always feel trans and never feel like a girl and that thought crippled me into running away from it. Idk if hormones had anything to do with that but I do t think so.

Now all the pieces fall in to place I think. I have been reading most everything that passes through this site for over a year and there is a theme that gets repeated. At some point the blocker and estrogen are raised to the point that testosterone production stops. Within 2 weeks to a month the trans feeling and dysphoria are reduced or eliminated. For the first time in a very long time you learn what it's like to feel "normal" and not have the discomfort that you may have developed starting in puberty. People react to this in two different ways. Some embrace the feeling and it's a confirmation that they are doing the right thing by transitioning. Others feel the are cured or they fear they may be making a mistake and halt the transition. When the blockers wear off, the discomfort returns and they live with it a while longer or they repeat the cycle. again.

Seeing this happened shortly after the doctor bumped up you dosage, I suspect your uncertainty was caused by the loss of the trans feeling and you forgot how uncomfortable you were before starting HRT. If you decide to resume HRT, you should be under regular therapy for at least a month or two after your testosterone levels zero out or you may end up repeating the cycle again.

There are others on the site who have taken a compromise and are on HRT but remain in their birth gender. For them the cost of a transition is far to high but the cost of doing nothing isn't acceptable either. If you have additional questions about this, let me know.

QuoteIt's not that age is the all important equation as much as it is the regret is eating me alive.
I want to feel like stopping for four years didn't set me back and hinder my results so much. that I could hope for the same success I had back then.

You're dysphoric. Sadly, this means your choices are limited. Whether or not you become a homely woman or not is actually the least of your problems. Welcome to the same issue that the rest of us have. Or....... as Forrest Gump so eloquently pointed out, "Life is like a box of chocolates"

Quote from: Dena on October 07, 2016, 05:08:53 PM
Now all the pieces fall in to place I think. I have been reading most everything that passes through this site for over a year and there is a theme that gets repeated. At some point the blocker and estrogen are raised to the point that testosterone production stops. Within 2 weeks to a month the trans feeling and dysphoria are reduced or eliminated. For the first time in a very long time you learn what it's like to feel "normal" and not have the discomfort that you may have developed starting in puberty. People react to this in two different ways. Some embrace the feeling and it's a confirmation that they are doing the right thing by transitioning. Others feel the are cured or they fear they may be making a mistake and halt the transition. When the blockers wear off, the discomfort returns and they live with it a while longer or they repeat the cycle. again.

Seeing this happened shortly after the doctor bumped up you dosage, I suspect your uncertainty was caused by the loss of the trans feeling and you forgot how uncomfortable you were before starting HRT. If you decide to resume HRT, you should be under regular therapy for at least a month or two after your testosterone levels zero out or you may end up repeating the cycle again.

There are others on the site who have taken a compromise and are on HRT but remain in their birth gender. For them the cost of a transition is far to high but the cost of doing nothing isn't acceptable either. If you have additional questions about this, let me know.

perhaps my real mistake was quitting therapy at the same time. i think i went into one session afterwards as male. and she seemed shocked. but I am so good at convincing people that I'm ok that no one really questioned it. I wish i had better memory of how I was when i quit. what my mindset was.

I think you may be onto something though. I never really figured it in that way. perhaps when i cut my hair and went to a more androgynous look it coincided with the hormones doing what they do.



I know I want to try HRT again. idk if i want to go all out as fast as i did last time. but i want to feel if it helps, with the knowledge and outlook on life i have now. i just dont think I can let this regret get worse.

You got it, baby. It doesn't matter what we look like as long as we're happy 😙❤️❤️ I understand where you're coming from though I'm not even 25 and I worry about it too!