We always hear that we should love ourselves just the way we are..and be proud of who we are ..people always told me that ..even my trans friends did...and i think it's not possible when you are a trans person i mean a trans guy that didnt start his transition yet...i i noticed that most of trans guys that  say that or write those kind of statuses on facebook telling other transgenders to love them selves are already started their transition and found themselves..i believe you can't be happy or love yourself till you start your transition ..if we see most of trans people pictures (before and after ) we will notice how sad they were before the transition..i mean it's a lie you can't love your self while you didnt start your transition or at last taking hormones...most of people that really do love them selves and proud of who they are ..are lesbians or gays or cis people cause they dont want or need any transition..i mean its just a self confident thing ..its not the same with our case ( transgenders) .. as a guy that didn't start his transition yet ..i hate my self i hate how i look and how my voice sound i hate my body shape ..how i could love me then !! people tell me that i look beautiful the way i'm and i hate that ..cause i don't care if they think i'm beautiful cause this person that they thing he is beautiful  is not me..i'm not that person..so many girls wanted to date me but i hate it cause i know that they see me as that cute beautiful tomboy not the guy i'm ..people always say that i'm a great writer and a really good singer and it will be easy for me to be famous if i try to start writing or participate in a show..and yea i know i can do it and i want to but i don't want people to love me and knows me for something i'm not..i can remember (when i was in school) when the teacher try to call our names in the first of every session) i don't reply him i act like there is no one with that name in the class....till the end of the session i go to tell him that i didn't pay attention when he was calling our names..just to avoid people knowing me with that name..i avoid talking to people cause i don't want them to know me as that person!! so how could anyone say to a trans person ( that didn't start his/her  transition) to love his self !! how that possible?! it's a lie...anyone of you guys here really did loved his self before he started his transition !!? i mean is that even possible !!

Im sorry to hear that, Mr. Phoenix, thats very sad and sadly you are not alone.

Im a little weird when it comes to me being trans, Ive always been fairly stable, fairly self confident. I didnt necessarily hate myself, I had traits I liked about myself but things were always 'off'. I tried embracing different styles to make myself feel better, I always wore t shirt and jeans, I wore band t shirts a lot, and I wanted my personality to outshine my gender; the rugged, brave, adventurous person that I was. At one point I wanted to be scene because I thought it was a cool style. Later I wanted to cut my hair because it felt too long. Only later did I realize I had to be male, because I gained the most comfort and confidence that way.

I got off easily to be honest, I've only ever had a harsh year or two realizing my need to transition.  Before transition, I liked many aspects of myself, but my mom still deemed me unconfident, I thought that was silly. I notice the difference now.

You cant love yourself for what others see but the traits within that you see yourself as, Thats pretty much what Ive done all my life to love myself. I love me because Im not just some pretty face people think they see, whenever I lived as some female my exterior never meant much to the world in my head, the little world I lived in. If someone very close to you loves you, you can share your world in your head with them, and they will see the real you. I do have to agree that "I love you just the way you are" is a really rude comment when in context of someone needing to change, its in a way selfish because youre telling someone unhappy that you should love them that way only.

Just dont lose hope, thats the thing that drives you to your fullest potential someday to transition to manhood, and its what drove me. How can you strive to be a man if you dont love yourself enough to be the man you are?

P.S being a writer is one of the most anonymous things in the world and you absolutely do not have to use your name but a male given one, writers and artists use pseufonyms all the time, except in this case its your name yet to be.

Quote from: pheonix on October 08, 2016, 09:26:38 AM
We always hear that we should love ourselves just the way we are..and be proud of who we are ..people always told me that ..even my trans friends did...and i think it's not possible when you are a trans person i mean a trans guy that didnt start his transition yet...

Balderdash, of course you can love yourself. You can even love your body. Having body dysphoria doesn't mean you have to hate your body or give yourself body dysmorphic disorder. You can love even the gendered parts of your body but just wish they weren't on your body.

Look, I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do. I'm struggling with my bottom dysphoria right now because I fear I'll be stuck like this. But I was able to accept my breasts even though I wanted them removed. It helped me cope day to day and overcome major depression. So yes, it is possible, totally possible. Loving yourself, and wanting to transition, are not contradictions in terms.

I agree with AnxietyDisord3r. It took me years of introspection and education to realise I can like my body even though there's some bits I want to change; even pre T. It's my body; it's genderless. It's not perfect but it's mine. I can admit to myself I have a nice looking chest even though I want the excess fat removed. I'm a guy bcos of how my brain is wired; it has nothing to do with how my exterior looks.

The problem with looking at ftm tumblr or Facebook accounts is that you're seeing their current posts in which they seem happy about their life and body bcos they've had surgeries or been on T for years. But you have to remember like any person, cis or trans, it takes years of self hate; depression possible suicide attempts and anxiety to get there. Even then you'll have days in which you don't like yourself. On these days it's a good idea to look in the mirror and focus on the parts of your body you do like about yourself.

This person put it well:

http://tinyecologist.tumblr.com/post/149984853358/loving-yourself-is-not-necessarily-thinking

Well it depends what you mean by love yourself.

If you mean love your body - well I don't love my body and probably never will "love" it. I learned to deal with that to the point where I don't despise it quite as much any more, but my body isn't all I am. In terms of my mind and personality, yes, I'm quite happy with myself now. But it's taken all of my life to get to that point. It's not something you can do overnight if you hate it all - nor was dealing with my trans status the major issue I ever had with myself.

Loving yourself isn't something you can just "do"... it's more a frame of mind you have to grow and rationalize yourself into, imo. But yes, it can be done. And why should you hate yourself unless you actually deserve to for some reason? You might not love being you but must you feel the opposite?

Oh yeah as far as my body goes, pre transition aside from the gendered bits I have/had a hot body One of the things I actually did like was how naturally fit/skinny/curved I am, and thats something I want to keep in my transition. I also, despite disliking my chest a little bit, have accepted that its small enough to deal with in the meantime and that makes me happy, I can pass without binding. Since then I've gained more muscle, filled out and angled, but all the base traits I still loved are there.

In other words, dont focus on physical things you dislike about yourself, focus on physical things you do like, stuff that doesnt necessarily have a gender or can be worked out to look good (arms, belly, hair, butt, legs, etc.)

I think it is possible to love yourself pre-transition. At least it was possible for me. I think if you genuinely approach life by trying to be the best person that you can, that it is very difficult to hate yourself at the end of the day regardless of how uncomfortable you are with your packaging. You can absolutely be uncomfortable and dislike your body as it currently is, but your body is just one piece of you.

And IMO it is arguably the most insignificant part. Your mind and your personality are the most valuable things about you, and they are things that do not change during or after transition. Embrace them, challenge them, and nurture them and you may find a greater degree of inner peace with yourself to hold you over until transition. That is what worked for me.

I realised that to transition, I had to learn to love who I was.. Loving what I am is still a work in progress.. Do I love my body? Not particularly, but I don't hate it either - it's merely the vessel in which I reside.