Quote from: Virginia Hall on October 16, 2016, 11:29:44 PM
I lived a life of lies prior to transition. After transition I lived the truth. No lying involved.

im not saying living as female is a lie.... im saying you should be honest with your potential partner about your past so they know what they are getting into.

What he's getting into is a relationship with a woman.  I'm not going to disavow that, because it's the truth.  And I don't want him to treat me differently than any other woman.  "Coming out" is asking him -- begging him -- to treat me differently, to look at me differently, to think of me differently. 

I do not hold onto the past.  It is gone.  It no longer exists.  All that exists is Here and Now.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on October 17, 2016, 12:04:30 AM
im not saying living as female is a lie.... im saying you should be honest with your potential partner about your past so they know what they are getting into.

In my view one answer does not fit all. The circumstances dictate. For example, someone with a large extended family and who has kids and chooses not to go through SRS--sure! Better sit down and explain what your situation is. No argument.

But can you see my point? No kids. No extended family. All surgeries completed long ago. In such a case a close narrative might be an option--not required. An option.

Again, speaking for myself, I manifested young and I wanted to gravitate to the other girls and join in as one of them. No more. No less. Just a regular girl without an asterisk. I did not wish to be special. My goal was a woman's life.  That's just me. Please do not call me, or my life, into question. It is one of the valid choices.

Quote from: Virginia Hall on October 16, 2016, 11:55:04 AM
Does he tell you there are things you can't understand because you are female? etc.?

Is it after you realize you are doing all the cooking and cleaning up--even though he takes out the garbage and fixes the car and lifts heavy stuff?

LOL Virginia, that just made me laugh, I can so relate to all that, hubby knows and is completely aware of my history, but never treats me as ''trans'' and never mentions that word, he treats me as a woman and now a wife since we got married, neither of us could cook yet it was me that took the cookery courses, now I do all the cooking, cleaning and dusting etc, he can't cook and doesn't clean anything, but to be fair he does all the heavy ''man stuff'' I would know lots of stuff about fixing cars, if a battery was dead, I'd know what to do, but he'd never let me near anything like that, because I might find it complicated and not understand such things which is total rubbish, but I don't argue, I'm not going to damage his male ego, typical man, I love and enjoy being a woman and being married to a man that accepts as a woman, he does the guy stuff and I do the wife stuff, housekeeping etc.

Telling people is just my opinion. I have been living as female for 6 years and in those 6 years I lived with my parents and they pretty much programmed it in my head to tell guys before going on a date and if I didn't tell them they wouldn't allow me to go on a date with them. I don't find guys treating me any different than a woman after I tell them.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on October 17, 2016, 10:41:11 AM
Telling people is just my opinion. I have been living as female for 6 years and in those 6 years I lived with my parents and they pretty much programmed it in my head to tell guys before going on a date and if I didn't tell them they wouldn't allow me to go on a date with them. I don't find guys treating me any different than a woman after I tell them.

Fair enough. I have lived female 40 years and in a number of different scenarios. I have right at the start, revealed. I have withheld. I have withheld for several years and then revealed. I have tried this six ways to Sunday. I have never been the victim of violence resulting directly from sharing my medical history, although I have been the victim of violence as an adult from domestic battery, so I know what the stakes are.

I think it is important to choose partners carefully. If I suspected the person is capable of violence, I would have to ask myself "why am I dating them in the first place," and, yes, bad boys are fun, but what makes them bad is that they are unreliable and in the end dangerous, whether you are trans or cis. Nicole Brown of OJ fame was a cis, was she not? Revealing some great secret is not armor against abuse.

I am new here and have not read all the threads, but I have seen no posts about being a battered MTF wife while trans. Are there others on this forum, or am I the only one? And if the person decides to batter, they have all your stuff, and if you have told your S.O., all your medical history can be used to discredit you to the cops when someone calls the police. The attacker will turn it around and say that you provoked it --a guy who had it coming--and you'd be surprised how many cops, at least years ago, would blow the incident off. You're all upset and sputtering and the attacker goes into cool mode. All smooth and relaxed. "Look what I have to deal with."

I wished I'd been told what I was getting into.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on October 17, 2016, 10:41:11 AM
I have been living as female for 6 years and in those 6 years I lived with my parents and they pretty much programmed it in my head to tell guys before going on a date and if I didn't tell them they wouldn't allow me to go on a date with them. I don't find guys treating me any different than a woman after I tell them.

Angelique do what ever works for you, I don't think yoyr parents had the experience in their generation, you can't ''programmed'' your brain like a computer, you have to live the experience and do what's right for you.
I've been living as a woman now for nearly 40 years, I've had different experience with different men, my first boyfriend was dating me before and after my surgery, the some guys I disclosed and some I didn't, I would never disclose on a first date, I just went with my instincts, I had a bad experience on disclosing on a first date many years ago.
When I started dating the guy who is now my husband, I didn't tell him for months, if I told him on our first date the relationship probably would never have developed to the stage it did, but when I eventually told him, was shocked and surprised, but he liked me so much he recovered from the issue and decided I was still the woman for him, we've now moved on with married life, some men do find it hard to deal with, telling on a first date without getting to know the person first has a low chance of working, but when dating over a period and really getting to know you as a person and the woman we are, some men can accept it, my husband did.

Quote from: pretty pauline on October 17, 2016, 02:28:29 PM
Angelique do what ever works for you, I don't think yoyr parents had the experience in their generation, you can't ''programmed'' your brain like a computer, you have to live the experience and do what's right for you.
I've been living as a woman now for nearly 40 years, I've had different experience with different men, my first boyfriend was dating me before and after my surgery, the some guys I disclosed and some I didn't, I would never disclose on a first date, I just went with my instincts, I had a bad experience on disclosing on a first date many years ago.
When I started dating the guy who is now my husband, I didn't tell him for months, if I told him on our first date the relationship probably would never have developed to the stage it did, but when I eventually told him, was shocked and surprised, but he liked me so much he recovered from the issue and decided I was still the woman for him, we've now moved on with married life, some men do find it hard to deal with, telling on a first date without getting to know the person first has a low chance of working, but when dating over a period and really getting to know you as a person and the woman we are, some men can accept it, my husband did.

your husband probably would have been ok with it in the first place because you are post op. I've had many men who would have been interested if I was post op but since I am pre op they couldn't go through with it.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on October 17, 2016, 02:57:16 PM
your husband probably would have been ok with it in the first place because you are post op.

No not necessarily, some men never accept women with a trans history, pre op or post op.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on October 17, 2016, 02:57:16 PM
I've had many men who would have been interested if I was post op but since I am pre op they couldn't go through with it.

Well you've answered your own question Angelique, if you want to date straight men is probably is better to be post op, more of a chance being accepted.

Well my man never knew... until I told him.. Ok I was post-op when we met.

I told me, he never even suspected it... That first night we even had sex, and how I know he never even suspected a thing.. he went to great lengths to get condoms.. so he would not get me pregnant.

I told him when we officially became a couple, he was actually fine with it, a little shocked, but we had a long talk about it.. that was an amazing evening. We almost talked all night. He said he sees me as woman, who he was falling for.

He treats me like lady, he opens doors for me etc.. Since we got engaged, we now live together.. and we have fallen into typical gender roles... me into the typical female role and him the male role.. you know.. male does the gutters etc and me look after the household and cook etc.  I cant wait to marry him and be his wife.

The only sad thing, is I cant have his child, I would love to have his baby. But adoption is an option.. so I will become a mommy some day.