Keep in mind, marrying someone is WAY different than just being friends: you're talking about deciding to spend the rest of her life with you, as a different gender than when you met. Yes, this was a MUCH better time to tell her than most people I hear about, but I'm going to say something unpopular here: I don't blame spouses for being upset when their partner comes out. Agreeing to a serious long-term commitment like marriage with someone, then suddenly finding out they're a different gender can be a real upsetting thing. Not saying that the complete rejections are acceptable either, but you can't ask a significant other to keep the same feelings when you're a different gender...