Hey everybody.  I don't really have a specific question, but I just want to share my story and hope somebody with a similar experience can shed some insight.

For starters I'm a straight cis male, and through mutual hobbies I've known this girl (lets call her jane) for a couple years now.  She began her MTF transition a few months before we met, and has been on Hormone therapy for over a year now.  Shes currently on the waiting list for SRS, and that may come about in a year or so.

So like I said, we have been acquaintances for quite some time through our mutual hobbies, and maybe 6 months ago we both needed roommates at the same time.  So we move in together, and have been getting along amazingly!  In the first week I started to develop feelings for her.  There are so many things about her that totally resonate with me, but long story short I love her.

One of the downsides to one of the medications she's on is that it's dropped her sex drive to 0, so until after SRS and she's off the spiro she's completely asexual for all intents and purposes.  That being said I told her about my feelings for her a couple months in, and we have since had multiple very good candid conversations about relationships and whatnot (and the fact that her and I can have those talks without making the whole roommate situation wierd is amazing!).

She doesnt feel right about entering into a romantic relationship right now knowing full well that she wouldnt be able to reciprocate physically.  I told her that knowing full well it could be a couple years before we would be having sex that It doesnt change the fact that I love her, and that whatever she had to offer as far as the relationship goes is fine with me.

With her sex drive in neutral at the moment, she really has no way to tell whether or not she would be attracted to me.  We're essentially best friends, and she considers me practically family.  She's totally open exploring the idea once she's off the spiro, and can feel that attraction once more. 

But on top of that, she needs to be able to love herself.  I'm sure this is not uncommon with people with dysmorphia, and I'm hoping to hear some insight on that.  Its a really complicated thing, and there's no specific way i can phrase it.  How can i help her be more comfortable with herself?  I seriously think I've found a life partner in this woman, and I'm thinking long term.  What should I be doing, or not doing? 

has anybody gone through something similar, and how did it go?

Welcome to Susan's Place. First, I have never been in a relationship but I know the questions and thoughts you should have. After the transition, some people develop a strong sex drive and others remain relatively mild. This is similar to the sex drive of the CIS woman. The reason the human race as survived is because there are two components to a relationship. Naturally sex is one but the other is romantic friendship. In a CIS relationship, the sex part occupies a few minutes a day but the romance can go on the remainder of the day. A strong romantic relationship helps encourage the sexual relationship so your efforts would best be directed toward making her feel desirable. Giving your time, attention, cuddling and hugs will all help her feel more feminine and desirable. After that, follow her lead and I think she will tell you when she is ready.

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Thanks for the reply   I'm already doing the things that you recommended, so I'm glad I'm doing things right. 

Give her time and be there for her. Be supportive and listen. By allowing her to be herself and work through her issues will help her greatly. Neither myself or my fiancé were ready for a relationship coming in, but in time we were. Coming into this relationship, as a result of my previous relationship, I had thoughts that I might be asexual considering I had no response from my body yet even before my current relationship began my body was responding to my fiancé. Sometimes it can just take the right person and their being comfortable. I wouldn't get to worried at this stage. I would give things time and just be there for her and let things progress as they should. I know my fiancé and I went from being friends to best friends to girlfriend/ boyfriend and then engaged to be married which is where we are now. I hope everything works out for both of you. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Acaelus on November 10, 2016, 08:48:26 PMHow can i help her be more comfortable with herself?  I seriously think I've found a life partner in this woman, and I'm thinking long term.  What should I be doing, or not doing? 

Help her to remember that she has always been female, regardless of what society or her body has ever said about it.

And if there's anything you can do to facilitate getting her moved up on that waiting list, that would also help.

Yours,
Sophie

Aww, that's the most adorable thing I've read at LEAST for today

My only advice would be to show her, through words and actions, that she has value.

Thanks for all the advice