Quote from: Autrement on November 09, 2016, 08:36:57 AMI believe the "temptation" or desire to change gender comes from the dysphoria itself. I think HRT does not increase it, I would even say, by alleviating the suffering, that it allows to better focus on the other things of life. Since I started HRT, I feel the dysphoria is easier to manage, however it did not disappear, I know I will have to live with it forever.

This, mostly.

However, I found my dysphoria did disappear after I fully transsexed -- that is, by changing my body and my life to where I am gendered female by myself and everyone around me. 

Quote from: Christine_Hart on November 08, 2016, 05:34:52 PM
I'm in a relationship. I have heard of other girls in similar situation who are on low doses. Wonder if it might be something to explore or too risky?

QuoteI've heard a few people talking about feeling depressed. Do you think that's because the hormones knock down the hard male way of dealing with things so there are less mental barriers to help you cope with upsetting things?

In regards to the first, a month after starting a "low" non-transition dose I became unable to reliably perform as a male, if you know what I mean. Sex could still happen, but not the same way. As with everything, your mileage may vary.

As for the second, yes, I believe this is it exactly. Testosterone makes it much easier to dissociate or compartmentalize emotions. Once that (and maybe some mental walls/other defenses) are broken down you have to develop actual coping skills with a quickness, because the emotions HAVE to be dealt with, they won't just go away anymore. It takes some getting used to. Again, your mileage may vary, some don't get many emotional changes at all.

Don't enter into low dose HRT lightly. I, personally, feel that the original, very low starter dose was more transformative, in a figurative sense, than all the dosage increases that came after. It changed the way I perceive and interact with the world, while moving up to a transition dose was more of the same, just with varying degrees of intensity.

Of course I'm told you can always stop, though I feel it's a bit of a Pandora's box. But then, you've already opened that, haven't you?

Quote from: Christine_Hart on November 09, 2016, 07:05:02 AM
You've obviously managed to resist the temptation. I wonder how strong the urge to 'go for it' is after starting on low does HRT?

2 years low dose pills. 2 years on low-ish pellet, but effectively the E levels are lower end of transitioning dose, and virtually no T.

I'm managing socially, but hiding the changes does get harder with time - beach and pools aren't so good these days.  Fortunately here in Australia there is enough of a sun safety culture that a rashie is perfectly acceptable.

The dysphoria is manageable and I have other priorities in life at this point so it's not as big a deal for me so long as I don't get male related age changes.

I can mirror these concerns.

A year ago I would never have seen myself being in a position where transitioning is an option, let alone the path I needed to take. But that is where I am now and mentally I am much happier.

In short, from dysphoria it would physically make me sick to the point that I vomited at least once a day. This reduced significantly once I started low dose HRT.

The way I describe it is that on low dose HRT I no longer thought about being transgender all time - it is always there but I could focus on working without being distracted. My mind was a lot quieter and generally I was a lot happier (even people who didn't know I was on HRT commented). Before HRT I would be right on the tipping point all the time and I would snap at people all the time - now I am a lot me relaxed.

For me I saw the mental changes from a low dose which helped me to think clearly which led to me accepting that transitioning is what I want to do.

Take care
Steph

First few months I began showing emotions whether I wanted to or not. I even cried, it felt good. My breast came quicker than I thought, I had to wear 3 undershirts to hide them .. I'm just hitting 6 months

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Quote from: Christine_Hart on November 08, 2016, 05:34:52 PM
I'm in a relationship. I have heard of other girls in similar situation who are on low doses. Wonder if it might be something to explore or too risky?

Here's my take on it from my limited experience.  With low dose HRT, your T will drop off, and you'll have a little E.   So arousal, anger, assertiveness will likely take a hit; you could conflate that experience with depression without feeling "sad" per sea.   

The thing is, you may also notice some small physical changes, and if you have some physical dysphoria, it'll be really hard to do anything other than latch onto those as a lifeline.   Then you're in a tug of war, part of you doesn't want to deal with the complications of a full physical expression of your genes on E, (ie, what if you end up with D cups on a 34" chest...) and the other part of you desperately needs that expression because now it becomes the only physical expression of who you are in the physical world.

I experience this very sharply.  Breast growth will be very inconvenient for me, as I have a very slow schedule of how I want things to play out; but the idea of restricting or limiting their ability to achieve full physical expression drives me nearly to the point of panic.

In the end, you have to be able to answer for yourself, WHY you are pursuing HRT. 

That was very well put, Becky. I agree with everything you've said.

One of my biggest fears when starting HRT was that I would develop noticeable breasts and not much else would change about me. Which has kind of happened, but...sometimes I'll put a seatbelt on or some other sensory experience involving them and there's just something so right about it, it's like that's what's supposed to be.

They're always in the way and make holding certain things (like instruments) kinda awkward, I'm always managing to hit them with something, or accidentally rub them on or with something, completely unflattering while dressed male (which is always for me) and it's super awkward when people CLEARLY look at them, then up at you mid-conversation, and yet...