Hi Monica,

I agree Dr. McGinn is upfront, direct and very sincere. I too like her way of presenting information and giving the positives and negatives. I was surprised when she said that though. I will share the details of the surgery when it occurs and the results so others who are similar can get an idea of what to expect. I heal extremely well so I am hoping all is well.

Aetna manages works additional benefit scope. Where I work is very progressive.

I am comfortable sharing my personal information with my community. I am not at all comfortable sharing with cis gender people that have no reference and judge others based on ignorance. This HR person was shaken when I told him I was trans years ago. He kept his distance and did what was necessary. Now I feel awkward around him. I will bring the subject up the next time I see him in an indirect way to gauge his reaction. Most likely he does not know what the difference is between T and I in LGBTQI  and I am just too sensitive.

The Aetna handler will get a polite message with from me with some constructive suggestions when all the procedures are done. I am sure it is a learning experience for him and he is very nice. 

My boss stopped by my office today. He made a comment that I am really going at this rather quickly, one surgery after another. I said I have a 3 year limit on my trans benefits and I needed 1 year for RLE and it took 9 months for a FFS (not covered) date. He said really, the benefits expire?

All is well and I am excited    

Oh, I got invited to a bridal jewelry show in January being hosted by a friend at work, way cool that made my week.

Rachel,
   You can bet I will be soaking up what you have to say. Hopefully you will do great and feel like posting rather than it being a chore. I guess we should really expect the majority of the people we deal with are clueless about trans issues. I recently called Aetna and they had no understanding what so ever. That is before they hung up on me twice after misgendering me continuously.
   Take care!
Moni

Hi Monica, I sent you a PM with the e-mail of the Aetna person I use. I think he can help.

Thursday I went to my therapist and group.
My therapist asked how I was feeling about the upcoming BA and GCS and was I excited. I said I am excited but it does not seam real. The 15th it will be real, right now I am getting prepared and reading / listening to a lot of others experiences to the point it is getting a bit repetitious. I said it was like my FFS. I am excited but want it done now. I want it over with, healed and moved on.

I unpacked the dozen surgilube and #3 and #4 dilators and put them with my GCS supplies.

My sister is funny. She initially said she would be with me in Hew Hope. Then to stay at her house which is close to New Hope. She said I will be there for you in the Hospital. She said last night she would drop me off at the hospital and pick me up on Friday. My sister does not work. Anyhow, I appreciate what she is doing.

PS, I shaved today for the operation next week

I received am e-mail today from benefits. Our board voted to remove the 3 year limit on trans benefits after gender identity change (coming out and expressing). When in Boston after FFS Benefits called me with reference to my GCS/BA. I explained to her the issues with getting all the procedures done within 3 years. She thanked me for letting her know how the time limit posed a significant burdened on the patient. I think my transition in public has educated others at work on the difficulties and issues with transition.

FFS- I had FFS 9/16/2016. I was depressed after the surgery and did not realize what was going on. Staring at a bottle of oxi for 5 days and then flushing it should have been a cue. I really thought I looked like FrankenRachel and I was really unhappy with the way I looked. Fast forward 7 weeks and I am pretty happy with the FFS with the exception of the jowls which I was told will look fine in 5 more weeks when my mandible and chin heal.  The mandible and chin are still healing and they remind me of such often.

After FFS I had serious hesitation about going through with GCS/BA. The third day after FFS in the hotel without taking any food, water or pain meds was tough. The pain was really bad and I threw up all day and into the night. I had dry heaves and my head throbbed with pain. I eventually fell asleep and awoke feeling much better and the pain was manageable. I dreamed I was calling to my Mom, I was young, and she came to me with ginger ale and toasted buttered and jellied bread. This is what I would eat when I was young and sick. Anyhow, I felt ok that next day until I took off the bandages and cried. I was not prepared on what I was about to see. I had no idea my face meant so much to me. I hated the male features for so long I guess I stopped feeling.

Now I am very glad I had FFS and my apprehension for BA/GCS is gone.  I feel 1/3 excited, 1/3 scared and 1/3 trying to resolve the pain from a lifetime with a penis and gonads.

I had a call from Lower Bucks Hospital today and did a pre-registration.

One week to go.

Rachel,
    You are making a difference for others. You are becoming yourself. You are pretty awesome! Glad you have turned the corner in the thought process with the FFS.
    I am nervous for you with what is coming, but once you get through it, there will be no stopping you girl.
Moni

Monica, thank you for the kind words. I will try to post every day and provide some value to others with the experience. I am getting excited   In a few short days the State of PA and the USA government will recognize me as female.

Today was my last work day for 8 weeks. I called the FMLA work hotline and informed them of this.

Sunday starts the liquid diet and Monday starts the clear liquid diet.

Monday I have an AM meeting at Papillion for signing of papers then a PM meeting for the house appraisal.

Monday night is the magnesium citrate bowl prep. Tuesday AM early is a fleets enema prior to going to the hospital.

Tuesday early AM my sister picks me up and I put my suitcase in her car for the stay at her house.  I will take a carry on to the hospital and my laptop.

I went to therapy and group Thursday.

Therapy, my therapist listens to me and last night she said something about how I try to buy love from my wife. I had paid for a trip to New Orleans for my wife and daughter. She is 100% correct. I need to let go.

I found out yesterday the 90 day cooling off form is stuck in the porthogonary's office because a follow-up form was not submitted. I told my wife this and she said she would handle it.

Best,
Rachel

I just had my last solid food. Tomorrow I can have protein drinks and fluids. Monday is clear liquids.

I am excited to finally have GCS.  The butterfly is very close to the flower

You are nearly there - you will have many people here thinking of you.
Best wishes!

Thank you Mary.

Rachel,
    I am "over the top" excited for you. Remember, rest is the number one priority after surgery, so behave yourself okay?
Moni

Thank you Monica, I definitely will rest.

I am packing today and cleaning the house.

Best of luck, Rachel! I'm an avid follower of this thread =)

Rachael,

You will do well.  She is the best.  It's been a long time comming.  It's time.

Hugs,

Jen

Best wishes, Rachel! 

Hello Fresas con Nata, Jennifer and Steph Eigen. Thank you for your support and good wishes.

I just got back from Papillion for my Pre-Op meeting. I signed the forms and learned that my BA will be on Wednesday. This is because I added the BA after I scheduled the GCS and they did not have any additional OR time that day.

After I signed the paperwork Dr. McGinn examined me again with her new PA-c. She said it again, "I think I can do this and I do not want to alarm you" then she went into detail. I once was 327 pounds and lost 127 pounds. I lost weight all over and I have extra fat in the mons pubis. She said she will remove the fat and some skin to flatten me. She said there will be a more swelling due to that.  She then looked at my penis and said when you wake up I may have to split you because you may not be able to dilate. We will know in the operating room. I already knew I was getting a graph. She really pulled on my skin to see how much it stretches.

So it is day 2 no food. Tuesday will be day 3 and Wednesday may be day 4, unless I get something to eat later in the day.

Bowl prep tonight and I was told to drink a lot of water just before midnight. I asked how much and I was told shoot for a gallon. So I guess no sleep tonight as I will be peeing all night. 

I am sure everything will be ok.

My ex-wife got really angry with me last night. She said she is in a lot of pain because of me and she has no one to talk to about it. She will not tell her sister or friends or work friends. I said she should see a therapist. Then she got angry saying tell me what a therapist will do for me. I said I did not want to discuss it with her. She got up and came over to me where I was sitting in front of the computer. She was cursing and pulled my hair. Then started to throw punches and tried to hit my gonads. Then she threw a bottle of water and hit the side of my forehead, just after she threw the computer monitor at me. She did not hit where my type 3 work was done and the monitor will need to get replaced. She stopped when I threatened to call the cops. She later apologized.

Rachel so sorry to hear that happened. I hope all goes well with your surgery. She is basically in that fight stage right now. There isn't much you can do but ride it out, but don't let her hurt you while she does. I hope all turns out well in the end. Hugs
Mariah

Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear of that assault. She desperately needs to see a therapist.  I was glad to read that you would be staying at your sister's house after surgery, which sounds like a much safer place for you.

These surgeries sound so complex when looking into the details, but it is great to read that Dr McGinn is being so straight with you about the details and complexity of all this.  With her care I bet you'll come out of the whole experience just fine.

We'll all be thinking of you, and wishing you the very best possible results!

Mariah and Michelle, thank you for the good wishes and support, it means a lot to me.

1/2 the bowl prep is over with

I agree, Dr. McGinn is very good and upfront and lays it all out. I have to be at the hospital at 6:00 A.M. tomorrow and the operation is at 7:30 A.M.

My ex-wife sometimes gets really upset. Sometimes she gets physical. Her face changes and she gets aggressive. I don't get mad at her, instead I feel bad for her. She was fine this morning.

Rachel,
   You have the patience of a saint. I am glad you will distance yourself from that type of treatment and attitude. I have been thinking of you all day and will tomorrow and Wednesday. It gives you more time to heal with the GCS surgery while you are unconscious with the BA surgery. A win-win? lol
Moni
Did I mention, you are amazing?

Hi Monica, thank you for your support and kind words. It does mean a lot.

I drank the bowl prep and I am drinking water so it will work. So far it has not worked. I really hope I do not have to go get more. I need to take a shower with hibiclens soap next.

I just remembered, when I was at Papillion being examined by Dr. McGinn and her new PA-c I had to drop my jeans. The both said oh now I remember you. I have 3 large tattoos and they commented on them. For a while I wondered why they did not recognize me, she examined me 5 times and the PA-c was there twice. Then I remembered I had FFS and I look very different