Hi everybody, i'm just need some help. I'm on HRT and been doubting myself recently after seeing so many difference views on what it means to be transgender, i can't get a psychiatrist right now and i just want some help from y'all..
In one of my earlier memories, i remember a doctor doing an examination on my chest and he said bla bla bla bla "your daughter"...when he said that my life changed. to me that was the greatest moment in my life, everything just felt right until my mom became a buzzkill and said "that's my "son" >_<. Later in life i would play with boy toys like Balls and Super Hero stuff, swords and super heroes but earlier in my life
i would like toys that were cooking and make up, also i was obsessed with having long hair. As a kid i used to put on my mother's make up and she would paint my toe nails, i would wear a local outfit for men in my country that is like a long plaid skirt, i fear of getting caught cross dressing so i felt that was one way to cross dress without too much worry of getting caught. When i first went to a boy's school i couldn't fathom how mean and rough the boys were, we never truly saw eye to eye and i always saw myself as a tomboy-ish "cool" chick who was among the boys. i would eventually cross dress when i could alone by myself, from then on until my early adolescence, i would feel desperate feelings feeling like a girl, waning to be a girl, wanting to live as a girl and wanting to do things that girls did. All i could think of was of growing up to be a girl, eventually after years and years of being bullied i put on a more masculine front as a defense mechanism to protect myself because any sensitivity or feminiity i showed was received with being bullied. After a certain point i couldn't fight it anymore and felt i had to be myself. Also another thing i felt that i hear a lot of t-girls said was i loved looking at women but not being entire attracted to them but wanting to be them. i have been living as full time for a while and just got confused with the many idea's of what some feel being transgender means. I've been happier than ever and want to move forward with my transition.
i appreciate any help, thanks