impossible faiths are impossible because of the limitations of desire and lack of foresight. Reality is harsh, many times it feels impenetrable and unwavering, however, dreams are much more powerful then corporeal reality.
I still remember after being thrown out of my own household by my ex at the age of 44 simply because I finally told of my truth.
I was homeless, and cried my self to sleep dreaming of a girl one day shall awake from the lumbering sleep to walk this earth as genuine as she always was within yet deprived of congruity without.

At that time I was a semipro bodybulder 6'1'' 237lbs lean muscle mass, certainly the dream of any femininity was  ridiculous and far fetched.
But I did not stop dreaming and trying occupying every minute of my life with thoughts of womanhood and anything I could do to help the process.
Calorie starvation, 400-600 calorie per day meals converted my metabolism into canabolic state, my fat and muscles started to be burned by my own body starving for fuel.
over the period of 2 years I have traveled from 237 to 155 lbs. Musculature had diminished to that of female proportion, my height shrunk by 2.25'' due to reduction in soft tissue.
I breathed femininity.
Then by grace of the universe I was able to secure the loan to facilitate FFS surgery.

I am now living as a genuine woman. Reality had surpassed my wildest expectations, all this because I dreamed the dream.
At 49 I am living the most beautiful of life, not only as a woman, but as a woman who is perceived to be attractive and desirable.

Do not forsake the dream, the reality resides within!!!

It's hard for me to be sure if I truly am hopelessly unpassable.  Everyone who's seen me says I'm more just andro looking and could swing either way at this point. I started out pretty raw...6 feet tall, slim but big boned, almost 200 lbs.  I never ever thought I could ever be correctly read as female.

About a year and a half on hormones it finally happened though.  I started getting correctly gendered every once in a while at my old job.  I don't know how, it was mostly middle aged or older folks, but I was, from all angles maybe a dozen times a month.  It wasn't the majority of the time, but it was still happening at all, which was at least somewhat reassuring.  Then I got rhinoplasty and it started to go up slightly again...maybe from 10-20% of the time to like...30-40% of the time but only at my job.  Still was getting clocked sometimes though.  A few instances where I couldn't believe I passed not trying with my voice.

And I kind of just stayed there for a while. Then I started to notice that despite the fact I had femmed out a bit in the 2.5 years I had been on hormones, I still had a bigger frame than any cis women I was seeing in my day to day life.  I started to understand why I only passed less than half the time and not most of the time, despite single photos of me looking like a somewhat typical female.  I've been in that panicked state ever since, now at 3 years on HRT.

Which is weird because I had maybe 2-3 instances over this summer where I was gendered correctly out in public (not at that job, on the street) which caught me off guard too, even if mostly I'm still gendered male.  So I have no idea where this leaves me going forward.  Especially since I feel in person my body is huge.  If I were to post a picture of myself alone I look fine, but next to any other woman it's blindingly obvious I'm far too big to be cis.  Decent features on it, but too big boned, even with my shoulders not being too big I have plenty of other issues. (large head and face, large waist, tiny hips, general overall frame big compared to any cis women)  I'm shooting towards FFS, waist training, dieting, and buy hip pads in the meantime...it's all I can do moving forward I suppose.

Quote from: Sydney Blair on July 09, 2015, 12:38:30 AM
I'm 6'1 with a football player's build. Basically, I'm a giant. I have a round though very masculine looking face, did

Hey Sydney, I hope you are doing well. Please don't get down or discouraged. I promise you that everything will turn out ok. It sounds like you are young, and have not even started hormones yet. This whole process takes time, and I know you can wait, as you have waited all your life to even make it to this point. A few more years to get to where you want will be worth it. I myself had a masculine build, as I was a male gymnast, and I have worked my body to a place that I am feeling pretty ok with. I suffered from the huge muscular shoulders as well, and wouldn't you know for the first time this summer i have been able to wear sleeveless and backless garments with out any fear. Like I said it just takes time. If you have any questions or ever need someone to talk to feel free to say hey. You can do it girl.

Hello ,

I understand your pain but please don't lose hope . It's all a mental equilibrum we need to find . Not accepting , at least me i hate that , but some kind of changing the goal .
I managed to arrive at a point well although it still hurts , i am focusing on the traits themselves rather than passing . I could live with being a nice looking transexual girl , even that i will never pass or be stealth , i can blend  in and also be admired for the feminine traits i have , even if there are a few masculine traits that give me away as trans .
Beside , it is also a matter of inner peace , i am a woman , i will have srs and all i want as part of the real dysphoria , the biological one , not the social standards and pressures .
I arrived at a point where i am not seeking their standards and categories , i am trying to become myself , to live myself , enjoy in my own way and my own needs and wishes , also regret freely , cold . It is hard to explain , but although it still hurts , it's a pain that sets free and give closure . I understand what i wanted , i process all differently , not thinking with genders and standards , rather more in a biologic way and seeing human beings .

You need to fight girl!!! Me during 5 years I was unpassable till recently I'm a bit passable. It's an eternal on going war since we're born. There should be a solution out there, you need to fight! Your face do a full ffs happens whatever happens at least you've tries, your voice go to Yeson and the rest work to figure out what can be done by experimenting new things always, it's like this I came to pass a bit.

Beauty & passability will not guarantee you ultimate happiness. I have a friend who still keeps on talking of suicide always despite she's perfect.

Well, here's the dirty little secret most transsexuals take forever to learn. Happiness doesn't depend on what other people think. Sheesh, most people don't even care what you look like or bother to notice whether you "pass" or not. The only thing that will make you happy is to be who you are and do the things you enjoy. If you love sports cars and you're driving a Maserati, does it matter whether the Joe Blows along the roadside you pass along the way like it or not? No. You're doing your thing. Live your life, Sydney. Have fun and stop worrying about everyone else.

Yes. Indeed true, Lyric.

The quotation shines:

Quote"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." - Steve Jobs

barbie~~

There is more to beauty than passing...much more.  We are all beautiful.  Keep your chins up ladies.  All of you.  We have nothing to prove to the world except that trans is beautiful.  I can pass well but a lot of times I don't put in the effort.  It doesn't change my beauty, it just makes it more noticeable that I'm trans.  I've really quit hiding who I am, and I'm not afraid to go out without makeup etc.  I'm transgender and I'm going to represent.  Don't hide.  Hold your head high.  Demand respect.  Nothing can change who we are.  We are women and we have a right to be ourselves and feel beautiful...passing be Damned!

Quote from: Oriah on August 11, 2015, 03:35:32 PM
There is more to beauty than passing...much more.  We are all beautiful.  Keep your chins up ladies.  All of you.  We have nothing to prove to the world except that trans is beautiful.  I can pass well but a lot of times I don't put in the effort.  It doesn't change my beauty, it just makes it more noticeable that I'm trans.  I've really quit hiding who I am, and I'm not afraid to go out without makeup etc.  I'm transgender and I'm going to represent.  Don't hide.  Hold your head high.  Demand respect.  Nothing can change who we are.  We are women and we have a right to be ourselves and feel beautiful...passing be Damned!

Good stuff there^

I mean it's not like we have to carry on with our lives like carrying a placard reading "Hey look at me, YES I'm trans and I don't care" lol,  but we shouldn't be ashamed of not being cis either, or worse off, we should never ever feel inferior to cis people, we should feel JUST A BIT DIFFERENT, and different is good!

We try to pass on an every day basis, not to deceive people, because we really are in our soul the gender we feel in our brains and heart that we belong to.  Sadly in this day and age most people in most parts of the world don't understand this at all, so having a transgender person as a relative,  co-worker, client or employer is one of the most taboo issues for most individuals and families, specially the ones where one of the core members is an exceptionally-deluded Catholic zealot (hello, mom) or an extremely close-minded conservative/transphobic specimen (what's up dad) with a totally-distorted view of what is different, as something evil, perverted or unnatural and disgusting, which is a clear demonstration of pure ignorance and lack of interest in learning and understanding new or different things.

Anyways, I am digressing a bit, I already commented earlier in this same thread. I am NOT one of those who always "passes" in public, due to a myriad of reasons. I really don't feel like I have to stop being me and start imitating any cookie-cutter female-stereotype kind of women, just to make sure I will look 100% female to everyone who deals with me.  If they don't see the woman in me, it is their problem, not mine, because I am already doing all that I feel is needed to do to belong in the desired gender I chose because of my huge GD condition. If you do HRT for at least a couple of years or so, as well as the best fem voice you can, and the best you can to get rid of the facial hair and make your face look more fem with some makeup, then fix your hair up in a pleasing fem manner without exaggerating, and wear feminine-enough stuff when you go out, but not tacky, tasteless or flashy apparel that may draw negative attention,  then people should, just to show some respect and good manners, treat one as the gender one is obviously trying to portray.

But unfortunately there are always he and she-jerks everywhere, and believe it or not, sometimes (or actually lots of times) they are actually jealous people who feel frustrated that they don't do in life what they really want to do, that they don't live like their real selves or that they don't have what they want to have because they don't and won't even try, and then they unload their own frustrations on the people who dare have the guts to at least try to become their true selves in spite of it being probably the least popular course of action to take...

So who cares if all the odds are against you? If you KNOW you are really a woman in your soul, go for it, do your best effort at becoming that person you really are inside, even if you may be "hopelessly unpassable" at the beginning, because if you are really a trans person who hates your birth gender like nothing else, ANYTHING is better than acting, looking and behaving like that gender! In such case, even 1% female, 99% male is still much better than 100% male! Just go for it! It does get better, even if not even close to perfect, but you have to try first and never ever be ashamed of who and what you are!!!

Sorry, I am no motivational writer or whatever, it's just one of those rare emotional outbursts I get sometimes... I should actually do what I preach myself lol 

Cheers

Bibi B.

I used to think like this too...

I think everyone can pass, in their own way. We are very unfair to ourselves... we look at other woman, models and of course that 1% is unattainable. Even for cis-woman, that 1% is unattainable. What we need to look at is, is the average woman. How does she compare to us? I think most of us will fare well when we compare ourselves to the average woman. Some of us even look "better" than average.

I don't believe ugly people exist. Even someone with a facial deformity can be attractive, in some way. What we think as ugly, can be beautiful for someone else.

Quote from: suzifrommd on July 09, 2015, 12:47:51 PM
I know a number of transgender women who don't pass and never will.

They are among the happiest women I know. They are thrilled with their transitions, thrilled to be women (and they ARE women. Passability is not a requirement for gender...), and can be quite beautiful. They don't ever worry about whether they are clocked, and most of them report they rarely get misgendered. People can see that they're trans, but most respectful, polite people treat them as the women they are. Yes, people slip with pronouns, but they correct them politely or just let it pass because how people see them doesn't define them.

Hugs, Sydney. I really hope this helps.

+1

When you are out at trans oriented events you'll see many as Suzy stated.

In my support group we have a member who puts his height at 6ft 14. And he is. Long ago he just came to accept the fact that no way, no how, can he ever pass. Back 40 years when did my transition experiments, I was 6ft tall in a world filled with 5'5" tall women and 5'10" tall men. I stood out in either end. More so in heels. I also resigned myself to no-way, no-how existence and did what I could to maintain some sort of balance.

I consider myself one of the luckier trans females in that for me a full transition was never a do or die situation. Same for my other group member. Over time for me things did change some. And like others nothing beats the sheer joy of being out in the real world as the real me. Unlike my past experience, I had undergone a lot of inner growth. Lost a ton of emotional baggage, the shame, and guilt of being TG and some of the internalized transphobia. As long as I wasn't being openly laughed at, or worse, let them look. Funny how nowadays when I get that bit too long of a lingering look, especially from a guy, I now think, "Yep, not bad for an old bat" rather then in the past's "Some guy in a dress"

Be YOU. Screw the rest. Hard but doable!

Quote from: 2cherry on November 25, 2016, 06:20:50 AM
I used to think like this too...

I think everyone can pass, in their own way. We are very unfair to ourselves... we look at other woman, models and of course that 1% is unattainable. Even for cis-woman, that 1% is unattainable. What we need to look at is, is the average woman. How does she compare to us? I think most of us will fare well when we compare ourselves to the average woman. Some of us even look "better" than average.

I don't believe ugly people exist. Even someone with a facial deformity can be attractive, in some way. What we think as ugly, can be beautiful for someone else.

Absolutely.  I've sat in a sidewalk café, sipping and people-watching, and there are an awful lot of ciswomen out there that would never pass according to the criteria we see posted in the "Do I pass?" threads here.  Women with mustaches, women with brow ridges, women with big chins, women with no chins, flat noses, bulbous noses, tall, short, thin, stout and so on, all running about shopping, towing kids, mingling with their friends, and seemingly unconcerned that they don't "pass."

They're just getting on with their lives. 

I can do that, too.

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 25, 2016, 12:10:57 PM
Absolutely.  I've sat in a sidewalk café, sipping and people-watching, and there are an awful lot of ciswomen out there that would never pass according to the criteria we see posted in the "Do I pass?" threads here.  Women with mustaches, women with brow ridges, women with big chins, women with no chins, flat noses, bulbous noses, tall, short, thin, stout and so on, all running about shopping, towing kids, mingling with their friends, and seemingly unconcerned that they don't "pass."

And the thing that they all have in common is their voice.  Regardless of how they look, their voice confirms their female gender.  It's why developing a female voice is, in many ways, the most important aspect of transition.  And everyone can get the voice they need, with minimal cost.  But you must practice every day for many, many months.  It requires patience and discipline - two very important traits that everyone must have in order to have a successful transition.

Quote from: EmilyMK03 on November 25, 2016, 01:17:57 PM
And the thing that they all have in common is their voice.  Regardless of how they look, their voice confirms their female gender.  It's why developing a female voice is, in many ways, the most important aspect of transition.  And everyone can get the voice they need, with minimal cost.  But you must practice every day for many, many months.  It requires patience and discipline - two very important traits that everyone must have in order to have a successful transition.

I remember a girl I met a few yours ago in Slovenia. Among the hundreds of audience, she stood out. Charming, graceful and slim. Later, I realized that she was a daughter of a member of our team from the U.S. We had a chance to be together for dinner. After hearing her surprisingly low voice, I suspected whether she is transgender. But I could not detect any hint supporting my suspicion except her voice. She was just ordinary daughter. Her voice was just like man's.

Yes. I agree that my low voice is the main obstacle, because many people ask whether I am a man or a woman after hearing my voice. Some people still call me ma'am even after hearing my voice.

barbie~~

Thank you 2cherry for bumping this thread!!!...

I had not seen it before and there are a lot of good thoughts being put forward here...  We all struggle with this stuff to one degree or another and even when we decide that 100% passing doesn't matter... The little demons can pop up in your mind and tell you that it matters beyond all else... We all need to be gentle with ourselves... Worrying about this too much is a recipe for a lot of misery and life is for living!!!

I liked Michelle P's observations...It's funny how we perceive things... I look through fashion magazines sometimes and all the models look Trans to me... I belong to some women's social groups and sometimes look at group pics of our events and feel I look like the cis woman and they all look Trans...

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Quote from: ChiGirl on July 09, 2015, 03:16:32 PM
When I was younger, passing was so important to me.  Maybe it's part of the reason I shied away from transitioning.  Now at 40, I'm not sure how much I care.  I just want to be myself.  I know my first few outings will be scary and I probably won't pass, but I'm looking forward to it. Remember, part of passing is attitude and confidence.   Good luck and hugs!

BTW, I'm 6' with size 13 feet, 300lbs+ and need a wig.

You sound like me in some ways... I started therapy at 39, started HRT at 40... When I started out I was 5'11', 360lbs, big boned, big ribcage...basically built like a football lineman even without exercise... I was pretty much my adult size by the time I got to the 8th grade... I did not transition earlier because I thought there was no way I could realistically do it. I was very afraid ... That fear was the hardest thing i had to deal with.

Not sure if that shoe size you gave was male or female I was 10.5 EEE and now 12WW (unfortunately I have very wide feet)... But I was lucky in that I did not need a wig - but I would have I had waited much longer to start HRT  as I had started developing a bald spot.

While HRT softened my face it did not redistribute much fat... I managed to get down to 200lbs but actually made me more easily read because of bone structure, so I put some of weight back on (not planned, just lost the motivation to watch my weight)...

But with FFS and time these days I do OK. While I realistically could not live a life that depended on being stealth, I am reasonably sure I pass most of the time, and very seldom have any issues.

- karen

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 25, 2016, 12:10:57 PM
Absolutely.  I've sat in a sidewalk café, sipping and people-watching, and there are an awful lot of ciswomen out there that would never pass according to the criteria we see posted in the "Do I pass?" threads here.  Women with mustaches, women with brow ridges, women with big chins, women with no chins, flat noses, bulbous noses, tall, short, thin, stout and so on, all running about shopping, towing kids, mingling with their friends, and seemingly unconcerned that they don't "pass."

They're just getting on with their lives. 

I can do that, too.

Not to make this too offtopic but after seeing many of your posts you sound like a delightful person that I'd love to  sit and have a cup of coffee with ^_^ Haha

Quote from: DuchessBianca on November 26, 2016, 10:29:42 AM
Not to make this too offtopic but after seeing many of your posts you sound like a delightful person that I'd love to  sit and have a cup of coffee with ^_^ Haha

I often, every day when it's not raining heavily, go for a long walk in the area near my apartment, a local shopping district.  I'll often pause near the end at a Starbucks that has a large outdoor seating area at one end of a pedestrian mall, get a cup of coffee, sit, relax, catch up here, and people watch.  Sometimes they watch back, and I greet them with a smile.

Walking about, and watching the shoppers go by, is a great way to see how people dress, move, and interact.  It's my school, what I study when trying to improve my social gender presentation.  It's the cultural end of femininity, not the innate stuff, and I am trying to fit in.  I grew up in an all male household, male high school, Navy, and such, so I didn't have the exposure.  This helps.

I'm always up for coffee with someone else.