For a long time I have had on and off feelings of being transgender. I would go several months without thinking about it, but every once and while it would come back. Then for the next couple weeks it becomes all I can think about. I lose sleep because I can't go to bed and I get pretty bad anxiety. The main source of my confusion though is wondering if it is actually enough for me to transition. It's not that I dislike my male life, I'm pretty popular in my highschool and I also am attracted to girls. But ever since can remember I have always thought that I would rather be a girl. To actually have female clothes fit me is probably the biggest reason that I want to be a girl. However I am extremely afraid of transitioning and missing out on living a normal life where I wouldn't have to face discrimination for being trans. Any advice helps, thanks.

Hi Alex,

You sound a lot like I do! Doubt is definitely a normal part of this, so don't worry too much about it.

What it comes down to in the end is making a decision that is going to make you happy. If you feel like you're going to be happier presenting as female to the world everyday, then go for it! Embrace it and love it.

The idea of being "trans enough" isn't really all that helpful in my opinion. You don't need to prove your "transness" to anyone, so long as you're happy. There's a gender spectrum - you can be very masculine at one end, to very feminine at the other, anywhere in between or nowhere at all.

I'm in a similar position, in that I don't know (yet) 100% what I want to do. I have things I need to sort out, as you do too! But that's okay, it's not a race! Time helps - everything becomes a little clearer as you get more in touch with what you're feeling, why you feel the way you do and what helps you feel better.

Some points that I consider (that may be helpful to you) in trying to make sense of what's going on for me are things like:

- If I was truly happy as a male, would I even consider my life as a female?
- If I was presenting as female, would I consider life as a male? Essentially, would the reverse be the same or different as it is now?
- If I had nobody else to consider but myself, how would I present?
- If everybody saw me as a female, and accepted me as female, without question, how would that make me feel?

The reality is that most males and females in the world don't question their gender identity like we do. And that's a pretty good indicator that there is something that needs to be addressed. And that is totally okay!

Remember, there is no one way to be male or female. Take a look at the people around you and look at how diverse and individual they are. Some men have long hair, and some women have short hair - and vice versa. Some men are gentle and caring, and some women are rough and tough - and (again) vice versa. You can be whoever you want to be, so long as you're comfortable and happy, because at the end of the day, only you have to live with you!

Ebbs and flows of doubt are normal, too. I mean, we're in a society which practically tells us how to act and behave. To this day (pre hormones and transition), I still get doubts. But it's important to really look at those doubts and understand where they're coming from. Are they doubts instilled from beliefs of outsiders (friends, family or society in general)? Do the emotions you feel when questioning make you excited at the thought of being gendered female?

Picture you in the future. What do you see?

QuoteThe main source of my confusion though is wondering if it is actually enough for me to transition.

If transitioning is going to make your life happier and more fulfilling, go for it.
If transitioning is going to take away your doubts and fears, go for it.
If transitioning is going to, ultimately, improve your life, go for it.

There's no right and wrong way. You may find you get to a point in your transition that makes you happy and satisfied, that doesn't involve surgeries or hormones - that's perfectly okay! Embrace it.

Therapists and counselors are great ways to get your feelings off your chest in a safe and confidential environment. They can help you make sense of what you're feeling, and you can go from there. All of use here can support you and help you along the way, too.

Don't think of it as a horrible thing, but a journey. You can learn a lot about yourself, which is never a bad thing.

I hope this has helped.

Much love,
Karlee <3

You could talk to a gender therapist and take blockers to reduce the damage T is doing to your body while you figure out what you want to do.

I can't say enough about finding a good therapist.  Mine helped more than I thought.

I questioned my trans-Ness.
When the first therapist concluded i was suffering from gender dysphoria a feeling of relief came over me.  But I switch therapists for insurance reasons and started everything over.  She also thought I was almost a posted child for G.D.  but the kicker was the M.D. I went to asked some of the same questions and said "stop. I've heard enough... Sign this and here's you script.".

I thought my feelings were normal that everyone felt.  Boy was I wrong.  I've been on meds for a few months and... Wow I feel fantastic!   

What I'm saying is to seek professional help.  They will either confirm or dismiss your thoughts.

Good luck, lots of hope.
- Denise

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I think this is normal. I knew I was trans (or at least I was supposed to be a girl) since I was about 4. That was about 1961. Things were different back then. As I got older I learned about transsexuals, like Christine Jorgensen, and then realized I wasn't the only one. But "sex changes" was something people went to Europe for, and that cost a lot of money. You never heard of people going on hormones, etc.

So you learn to live with it. And the dysphoria comes and goes. I was able to use the glam rock scene (both the 70s and 80s version) as a way to hide. I wore girl's clothes and nail polish in high school, and had long hair. I'm a musician, so people didn't bother me for the most part. lol (I'm also very small for a guy)

I made it all the up to my 50s, and after being married for 10 years and then divorced, figured it was time to do something about it.

What you do is your own path. I'm currently not making a lot of money. What I had saved up went towards the divorce and having to move to a new apartment, etc. And I pay child support. Last year I was homeless. Now I'm working again and have my own place.

So I haven't even started HRT yet, and I'm been single for five years now. Why? The first thing I need it to have my facial hair removed. I can't do anything with it as it is. Makeup wont cover it for long either.

Then I want some FFS.  If I can't do any of these things I'll probably just stay as I am. As you see in my profile photo I've adopted an androgynous look. But everyone knows me as a guy. Just a different looking guy.  lol  I've had friends tell me that other people I haven't come out to assume I'm trans. And that's OK.

So, what you do with it is up to you, and either what you can afford or feel comfortable with. I have friends who are trans, and in their 60s, and they never did anything at all. And it's been their secret all these years. It was my secret too. But since I've been confiding in some people, it's been a very liberating experience.

I took action at 65 on something I knew was different at age 5.  The way I feel after 3 1/2 month of HRT I wish I had done a lot sooner. If the services were available like today, it would have been something I would need very little thinking to carry out for a full surgical transition.

There are many people who are transgender in the broad sense of the word, but who shouldn't transition.  There is no guarantee that transitioning genders is going to make you happy.  It's not a decision to be taken lightly.  It's my understanding and experience that if you were born a woman, transitioning to living as a woman is necessary.  Nothing can substitute for it.  If, however, you are a man -- if you are relatively comfortable as a man; if you are not unhappy with your male body; if you enjoy manly activities and pursuits -- you would be taking a huge risk by transitioning.  Transitioning is a transitory process that can be very attractive to contemplate, but it's also extremely difficult emotionally, physically, and financially, and if done for the wrong reasons can even make matters worse.  If and when you complete your transition, you will face the reality of living as a woman with all the drawbacks and complexities that it entails.  I have to agree with those who recommend seeking professional gender counseling.  Good luck, dear.

Quote from: Alex1588 on November 27, 2016, 03:39:36 PM
It's not that I dislike my male life, I'm pretty popular in my highschool and I also am attracted to girls.

I'm not sure if I misunderstood the context of this one statement, but you can still be attracted to women and be a trans woman. (:


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