I don't know. But sometimes I think I go about things in the wrong way. I have not started electrolysis because I know the hormones will cause some hair to grow back in thinner and some won't come back after removal. So a week ago I had a full body sugaring done. Not my first time and let me tell you....After starting hormones. In the most painful areas it was about 2-3 times more painful. Thank god I have someone who knows her stuff and is just a great person too. But on the other hand the hair is taking way longer to start growing back. I've been on hormones for just over 3 months. And while I was suffering the pain(lol) I came out to my Esthetician. It was the first and only person I have come out to besides my partner. And omg it was the best feeling in the world to come out and have the great reaction we all hope for. Even when I left, she grabbed me and gave me a big hug. So since starting hormones I have been feeling great and my Esthetician just put me over the top on feeling good about myself. Even though I have been getting weird looks here and thier from my partner and she has been making wired comments here and there. Like one time. She needed a sports bra. So I let her try on mine. The did not fit and she made the weirdest comment by someone I thought understood what I was doing and what I was going through. And believe me she does know. We been to my counselor together a few time and have discussed it in detail. She said I could keep them for when I play. And she did not mean play sports. She ment like taking hormone and dressing like a woman is playing. So anyway, I have been in a great mood and feeling good about myself. But today, we were going to lunch. And as always I was waiting for her. I was already dressed. Wearing a camisole under a t-shirt. Same one I always wear and she has had no problems because it does not show. Wearing my baseball cap. The pink women's sketchers sandles she bought me. Panties. But that does not matter because again they don't show. But when we started to leave she looked at the all black capri pants I was wearing and shook her head no. I told her men wear them and she asked really. Not believing me. So I showed her 2 pair of shorts to choose from that fit me and she did not like them either and they looked more like men's than the capris did. So on the outside I was a little upset. Nothing anybody could tell but just not happy at the moment. But inside I was devastated, embarrassed and on the verge of tears. So I'm sitting in the bedroom almost gonna loose it and she says lets go it's ok if I wear it. Now it's ok?? What the ->-bleeped-<-? No way I could leave the house now. She killed my self confidence. She killed what makes me happy. So I stripped down. Put on my boy underwear. Pulled out the only pair of men's shorts that fit me from the dirty clothes. Took off my camisole and all my jewelry and put on my men's sandles. She just does not get it at all. She single handedly brought back all the bad feeling made me feel suicidal again. Just killed the Norma right out of me. ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-. So ->-bleeped-<-ing frustrating!! Sorry bout the bad language but I'm just so pissed. It just pisses me off so much. She has bought me so many pieces of women's clothes and I only own the men's sandles. And that's it for shoes. The thing that pisses me off so much and she just does not even believe she does it is if I want it this way and she wants it a different way. She will only give in after we get in a disagreement or a fight about something then I get my way. Never can we discuss it like an adult and she see it my way. I have to get upset for her to see how much something means to me. Like the last straw today. We were out close to where my brother died. I wanted to drive by but I was having a hard time with it. So I said if you go down this street just past the freeway and make a left we can pass by where my brother died. I have never even visited my brothers grave site while I've been with here so I feel she should have known what it meant for me to tell her where to go to see the sight where my brother died. So she starts to go. Even asked where to turn then at the last minute, gets in the turn lane to go where she wanted. So all I said was "what ever" and she gets out of the turn lane and starts going back toward where my brother died. Once again I had to get upset to get my way. So I told her never mind. Just go to where she wanted. I do not wan to and can not do anything I had to get upset for. Then when we get to where she wanted to see what she wanted. I would have had to walk 2 miles. And since I need a cane to walk that was out of the question. So when we were leaving we discussed my brother again. And she said she was taking me there and I said if she does I will get out of the car on the way. And she told me I can just uber home. So I was going to actually get an uber ride. But we were out of cell service for apps to work. And I wore myself out and had to have her take me home. Do I really sound like a baby? It seems that way a little bit after I read this. Just don't care at the moment. Want to give up and really don't want to wake up in the morning. Thanks for the vent and if you read the whole thing then thank you for taking the time. Anybody in the inland empire let me know. I just started a MTF meetup. Out here in corona. I might cancel the way I feel. Free for a month so if I get some good members I may keep it.

Oh ya. I did not even try to bring my purse. It took me for ever to get the confidence I needed to carry one. Been carrying one all week. Been feeling great about it. That confidence is gone too.

Norma, I'm sorry this happened to you.  As we come out we are in a pretty fragile state, and often our loved ones don't understand this, or how serious gender dysphoria can be.

I've gone through this, as well as many others here.  It can be rough.

If both you and your significant other can communicate well, and get joint counseling and education on transgender treatment, the problems might be resolved. 

In my case my spouse refused joint counseling and all information on transgender treatment, wrapping herself in transphobia instead. We are going through divorce.

I just don't know anymore. I'm not living as a woman, so why subject myself to the people who do not understand by wearing anything female at this time in my transition. So it looks like I'm a guy wearing a pair of capri's with womans sandals and a French mani and pedi. She apologized and everything. We have been to counseling together. And while we are going it's better. And she even buys me women's shoes and clothes. Have had our nails done together. I just don't get the back and fourth. I love her but this crap on top of her Facebook addiction is making the good life I have with her not worth it in the least.

I second the suggestion for counseling, it is not healthy to make you have to break down for her to understand how you feel. Those things need to be communicated long before that. Part of your transition is a social transition. It's healthy for you to start wearing women's clothes and taking on a female role even if the hormones haven't caught up yet. You were really relying on her support, though, and she withdrew it.

2 things: 1, you've got to support yourself. Tell yourself affirming things. 2, there are bound to be bad days and setbacks but you're on the right path. Just keep muddling on through.

Dare I say you both sound passive aggressive and I feel the best way out of that cycle is to always practice being assertive. That's seems contradictory to being confused, which is expected as we transition.

So maybe be assertive of your uncertainty. Not knowing is the place where were able to discover. If you don't know what to do in any moment then the biggest gift you can give to yourself and your partner is just to acknowledge that fact. And then you choose.

Ya counseling. Ya see I have that. Kind of hard to be on hormones and not have a therapist. Lol. And after a while it is just the same thing over and over. What I need is a friend. A friend to text or email or even better have lunch with. But I got nothing. Nobody around me I guess. Or I just send out the wrong vibes. And I am super damaged goods. So I am either doing this alone or that perfect friend is almost here and I just need to hang on. But I doubt it. Anyway I have a session scheduled for tomorrow and a group on Saturday. And got a email to from someone giving me a place to hold the meetup group I started. Hopefully that works out.