Hi,
After transition I made it a point to put myself out there to be with people. I wanted to be an example that I, and by extension trans people as a whole, are not scary or up to no good. I wanted to communicate and demonstrate we're only trying to deal with something we were handed and live our lives. I thought I was succeeding cause of feedback I got that I took to be genuine support.
I know I and we still enjoy a lot of genuine support from cispeople I know. But lately, I have this bad feeling for some I'm the "trans friend" they have. I've been told, "Oh you're good Paige, it's these other people we've gotta protect against" in regards to us using gender appropriate bathrooms. It makes me so angry to be able to reasonably presume that I'm enabling their bigotry because they can reason that they know and are friendly to me, so that means they're ok with trans people even when they're not. If they want to keep us out of the appropriate bathroom, they are so not.
But I don't want to cut them off socially. If I suspend discourse I don't see how that will help them see the err of their ways. Save for maybe removing their ability to say, "I have a trans friend" which on occasion is tempting. Meanwhile I also can count on them to be silent as bills make their way towards laws that will marginalize us and I want to grab them and scream in their face. But of course screaming at them ain't likely to make them an ally.
The kicker in it all is so many of the people I'm thinking of are members of my family. I tell ya, there are times I wish I changed my last name with my first and middle names cause so very many of those people I share a last name with are such jerks who would stab us in the back with a smile on their face. They'd call our ability to pee where we know we belong a "special right" so while they may be nice to us by holding open doors or gendering us appropriately, they'd also force us into the wrong bathroom.
