My family is terribly transphobic but I don't feel like I can stay quiet about it anymore.
I fear that my father would disown me at best and I don't even want to think about what would happen at worst. He's delusional (he believes that a WALKING DEAD blanket is inviting demons into our home as well as a shirt that I own with a skull on it..) and I wouldn't doubt that he'd attribute my dysphoria with something ludicrous like that. He's very vocal about his disdain for the LGBT community and said he'd kill me if I ever contributed to "the homosexuality." I am not sure if he was being serious or not and that really, really scares me.I have just recently turned 18 and I'm hoping to get away from him soon. I've been considering cutting contact with him but I'd like to stay in touch with my other family members. My mom seems to be more accepting than my father is and she already assumes that I'm at least bisexual or something but my siblings, I am unsure of. My sister, upon discovering my past relationship with a girl, would call me homophobic slurs and she's not supportive to me at all. I don't really keep in touch with my brother but he seems to look down upon the LGBT community. My aunts and uncles, I really don't think they'll support me either. Any tips for coming out to them?

Toxic influences all. Because they are unwilling or incapable of letting others live their lives. Remember, they made their choice on how they want to live. The only problem I see is because their vision differs from yours. Yet nobody has commented on whether they are right and wrong, so they feel smug in their understanding in your feelings. It's a tough situation especially if you are unprepared for employment, self support, outside the family dynamic.  Perhaps instead of worrying about what would take you 3-5 years to accomplish (full transition) Concentrate on the immediate two years and at least get a nursing degree or even a technical college degree (I chose Fire Science but could not pass the physical) However it was that education that allowed me a senior position within my company. So when the time comes to announce your independence you are prepared to continue on your own.
These templates are on the Susan's wiki.
An open letter to parents of transsexual children
An open letter to the parents of transsexual children No. 2
My son, my daughter
Transsexualism - Information for the family
Telling your parents
Telling your parents - Part II

The fact that your father has threatened to kill you if you ever [...whatever], whether he meant it seriously or not, means that you should, above all, look out for your own safety.  Move out first, preferably some distance away from him.  Then, if you decide to come out to him, do it remotely, by email, phone or letter.  Consider doing the same for your other family members, since they are less than supportive.

If you need to break off contact in order to remain safe, do it.  Consider whether or not they even need to know.

hi there Manatee, 
Im sorry you are in such a homophobic, transphobic environment!  Intolerance, especially if driven by zealous far right religious views, is a very difficult situation to overcome! This means not only are they closed minded but they believe that they are "right" in doing so by their beliefs! I think telling our family and those around us is a bit like jumping out of an airplane, you have to take that leap of faith and hope that the response will be positive and see if theres some way to salvage and keep the relationships we have with them but sadly this not always the case and you may need to accept that! Theres not easy way of coming out to those like our family (I wish there was).
You sound like your at that point that you cant stand it anymore and so you must, for your the sake of your mental health and emotional well being, move forward and tell them!
The only suggestions I can make is to maybe talk with your mom (since she seems more accepting) and see if she can help you talk with your dad and the rest of your family?
My father didn't accept me when I transitioned but I wasn't living at home anymore so it had less impact in my life, my mom was always ok with me being myself regardless (that seems to be pretty typical) All though I got comments from her sometimes about that I was better off before (in her opinion) I was safer and there where less chances of me being hurt by being out as a transperson but thats just her being a mom!
My brother was " uncomfortable" and we had run ins about it but I held my ground with him in a more " take it or leave it" fashion so over the years he became more accepting!
Fathers can be hard and unwavering, I dont see my dad anymore (my parents were separated anyways many years before I came out). I wish I could have continued having a relationship with my dad but that was his choice too! I get accused that it was me , if I hadn't come out as trans it wouldn't have caused or created those issues in my family and I lived with that feeling guilty that it was me for a while but you and I know that its not bc of us , we cant help being who we are and most us try to accommodate our loved ones by living a pathetic, sad inside , existence in trying to go on but it ultimately has to be or we would die inside and maybe even completely! The reality is that they would've have lost me anyways if i continued and tried to live that way so it comes down to them?
Im sorry if I couldn't be of more help to you! Maybe theres some suggestions that I havent though of that others might be able to suggest! Its good that you posted to see if there were? I might learn something in this as well!   My thoughts are with you! Blessings! Julie!


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Yup, get yourself independently established (at least 300 miles away if at all possible) before coming out to any family members.  And, really, seriously consider not coming out to them at all.  Just move on with transition, get yourself presentable, and get on with your life.

Yeah, best advice is just "don't".  Go get yourself together, get started on some career path or something until you don't have to worry about not having family, then worry about transitioning.  Right now, I'm at my mom and grandmother's house, and I don't tell my grandmother about this kind of thing, and have yet to find a good time to really talk to my mom about it, so I'm just boy-moding around them. (funny thing is, they actually like the clean-shaven, effeminate look I've gained since my last visit)

If it helps, the sooner you move out, the sooner you can start looking into things like female clothing and herbs which lower testosteroneestrogen. and possibly do more overt things like shaving your body hair and using IPL devices.  Actually, you can start taking Licorice Root Extract with Spearmint Tea, and tell them it's for mild acid reflux if they ask: those are traditional remedies for that which also lower testosterone, and you might lessen your remaining male development...

Before you come out you should definitely make sure you're on your own and financially independent for good. Try to find an LGBT community in your area. If you have a Unitarian Universalist church I would recommend it because they accept anybody and I have found lots of like minded people at that church. My friends from church including my minister have become a wonderful support system because I have very little family left.