Hi,

I seem to have loads of questions lately so I came here to find some answers. Or maybe even more questions. Whatever.

I was born as a girl and I never questioned it. In fact it didn't even cross my mind that it was something one could question. Until few months ago, maybe half year. Now I am simply confused.

I've read many stories about people who really really suffer in "wrong" bodies. Or people who knew from baby age that they are, in fact, the opposite gender. I did not experience any of that, although I wasn't your typical girl either.

I was always attracted to boys so no confusion in this field.

But lately I feel like I'm happier when someone takes me for a boy. Online, mostly. Or when I go out and my friends tell me that I look like a boy. I cut my long hair to very short. I occasionally wear male clothes. I got a binder. And I love it all. On the other hand I don't get depressed or anything when addressed as a girl, or don't feel terrible about my body, though I don't care much for boobs.

To complete the mess I think that maybe there's no use in thinking about all this. Because I have a husband and two little kids. I couldn't turn their lives upside down for something that may or may not be real, now could I? Or maybe I have fabricated all this because I read stories of trans people. Maybe if I never heard about this I would never suspect a thing. I'm 35 and sometimes I feel silly, too old for this stuff.

I would like to make some order in my own head and see where it leads. I'm not sure about what I do next.

So that's about me. Here I'll go by Theo because I like the name.

Welcome to Susan's Theo.

What your feeling isn't unusual. Not everyone knows from a young age. You could try talking to a therapist who is knowledgeable about gender issues. They can help sort out things for you. If you are content to continue as you are and just look around the site and ask questions, that is just fine also.


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Hi Theo 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Visit a gender therapist. At best you will find out the root of your feelings, at worst it may cost a few bucks. There is no obligation to go any further. However the weight lifted from your shoulders will be priceless.

Welcome to Susan's Place. Developing your feelings latter in life is not uncommon and many people on the site have discovered themselves at ages older than you are. I know of many MTF on the site who are early in their transition and their ages are in the 50s and 60s.

There is also a question as to what will make you comfortable. Some people find presenting as the opposite gender is sufficient and if that's the case, you shouldn't have much in the way of family issues. If you discover you need more, then it will get a bit more complicate.

As you are just starting, I have a couple of links you might find useful. The first is our WIKI where you may find something that describes you. The second is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will help you explore your feelings. Feel free to ask any question you might have and we will do our best to answer them.

Hi Theo,

Welcome to Susan's. The standard is having questioned your gender. By doing so, you have uncovered your masculinity and you are accepting of that, and have tried some gender related changes and found that you felt better about yourself. You have begun a journey of self exploration and expression that is making you feel better.

Do you have to transition? Simple answer is no, if you can manage how you feel then the choice is yours. However, don't be surprised if this changes.

It's worthwhile talking to a therapist, they can help on your journey, and self discovery can happen at any age - as you will discover from many members here.

Of help maybe 'The Transition channel' on YouTube, where a gender therapist has posted a number of good videos for FtM and MtF transgender folk, a quick google will take you to her videos...

Take care

Rowan

Thank you all for welcome and for all the tips! I can already see that this site is a good and nice place. I'll check the sources you mentioned. I think I'll start with information I can find online, I'm not sure about the therapist, anyway I don't think we have any specialized gender therapists here. But there's no hurry anyway.
Thank you.

Hello Theo

It is a pleasure to meet you.

I am sure that you will find a great well of advice and new friends here.

Stay shiny.


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