Hello,

I've been on hrt for about 1.5 years and still haven't socially transitioned, I was wondering if anyone else was in the same boat.  Curious as to your reason why and if you have plans to socially transition in the future.

Being in my 30's, I feel that I started hrt much later than most.  But so far, hrt has had decent effects; physical, mental, and emotional.  As to why I haven't socially transitioned?  I have no idea.  I'm sure it has something to do with fear of something (passing, being out to friends and peers, being judged, feeling like a fake, etc).... 

I just don't know how to get over that cusp of finally being out.  I have ffs scheduled tentatively for July and maybe that will help but I feel that even after that, I will still live and present male, even if I happen to pass. 

8 years so far for me. Trying to avoid various problems for the moment, but  I may socially transition in the future, hopefully. I don't think what I'm doing is generally a good idea.

There's a good post here on a related topic.

My low dose HRT experience (was 9 month low dose HRT)
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=130268.0

I think what you are looking for is the following links. In my case I was on HRT for a couple of years before the start of RLE. At first, I didn't know how to present and it took a while to connect with a therapy group that could help me and then it was a case of running the numbers. I need to get my facial hair under control and grow out enough hair for a proper hair style.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html

Quote from: AnonyMs on December 27, 2016, 08:55:41 PM
8 years so far for me.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=130268.0

Omg, how were you able to hide it for so long? I mean, how do you keep yourself from socially transitioning if you don't mind me asking. Also, I read through some of the comments on the link you provided so thank you for that, I remember reading a while back when I first started hrt.

Quote from: Dena on December 27, 2016, 08:59:20 PM

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html

Thank you for the links, I guess I'm actually looking women that decided to not transition and why, even if they would pass if they wanted to.  As I continue to go through the process, I'm really starting to reevaluate some things.

Hi WinterKat,
Me too! I have been on and off HRT for 15 years but only started formally under an endocrinologist and psychiatrist's care for the last 3 years! I am in my fifties and have too much at stake careerwis, and I am never going to be comfortable as a man in a dress! My strongest  disphorias are body and genital, with the obvious gender disphoria that goes with it! I don't need to present as female as much as I need to be female! If surgery could solve all the problems T has caused with my body ever looking female I would consider social transition. My wife is fully supportive but she likes me with a penis that works so I sometimes have a break from HRT for her, but the disphoria really kills me. I can't keep doing this forever.
I have been researching this and feel maybe I fit into the non binary transfeminine category because of this. I don't care what it is but it helps when explaining it!
Thanks for posting this as it's good to know others have the same problem!

Quote from: winterkat on December 27, 2016, 09:09:44 PM
Omg, how were you able to hide it for so long? I mean, how do you keep yourself from socially transitioning if you don't mind me asking.

I have an unusual lifestyle that probably makes some things a lot easier for me than most people. I hide changes in my face by growing facial hair. Clothes for the rest.

I'm not sure how I manage. I suspect I don't have such bad dysphoria as many do, or perhaps I'm non-binary to some degree. I don't really know. A full transitioning dose of HRT certainly helps my mental state. I think you can only see how it goes for you.

If you can do avoid it I would suggest you don't indefinitely delay transition. It has a fairly high cost.

I was on HRT for over 3 years, during that time I was an male investment banker and a financial conference speaker, with a cool pony tail. No RLE for me, srs and into a full female life

I've been on HRT for 2 years without a formal transition.  I don't really try to hide anything though.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Quote from: warlockmaker on December 27, 2016, 10:19:56 PM
I was on HRT for over 3 years, during that time I was an male investment banker and a financial conference speaker, with a cool pony tail. No RLE for me, srs and into a full female life

I watched one of your video's. Couldn't help but notice the pony tale!

Wow, I'm amazed that so many women decided to not socially transition for so long. 

Quote from: Rikigirl on December 27, 2016, 09:24:36 PM
Hi WinterKat,
Me too! I have been on and off HRT for 15 years but only started formally under an endocrinologist and psychiatrist's care for the last 3 years!

omg, Riki, I don't know how you could have done that, 15 years on and off must have been super difficult!


I do have another question for everyone, if you were able to pass pretty easily, would you still stay hidden and just take hrt, even if you get male fail here and there?

I don't think it's actually many people, it just looks like it. Its probably a mostly older dmographic as well.

Hi Winterkat, I could have passed anytime but I'm from a prominant family and had obligations to fufill. Lucky my  family has a long life gene.

It sounds like both your question and some of the point of the answers is about dressing and visibly passing as female.

That to me isn't about social transition, I know transitioned women who pass and yet fundamentally remain male in socialization.

I'm the reverse of your question, I've been transitioning socially for 18 years and only started HRT and to move my appearance into the non-binary a year ago -- specifically to initiate RLE.

Quote from: SadieBlake on December 28, 2016, 12:11:05 AM
I'm the reverse of your question, I've been transitioning socially for 18 years and only started HRT and to move my appearance into the non-binary a year ago -- specifically to initiate RLE.

I don't understand what you mean there? Sounds like you Socially transitioned, but not somehow?

I didn't think you can get srs before RLE how did you do that?

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Quote from: warlockmaker on December 27, 2016, 11:51:22 PM
Hi Winterkat, I could have passed anytime but I'm from a prominant family and had obligations to fufill. Lucky my  family has a long life gene.

Hi Warlockmaker, I see this often (family obligations) that keeps some women from going past that threshold into presenting socially.  It's somewhat keeping me from coming out as well.   

Quote from: SadieBlake on December 28, 2016, 12:11:05 AM
It sounds like both your question and some of the point of the answers is about dressing and visibly passing as female.

That to me isn't about social transition, I know transitioned women who pass and yet fundamentally remain male in socialization.

I'm the reverse of your question, I've been transitioning socially for 18 years and only started HRT and to move my appearance into the non-binary a year ago -- specifically to initiate RLE.

Well, visibly presenting as female.  Not so much passing but I wanted to know if that was a factor in someone's decision.  I think I might pass if I presented female (a picture I just took about an hour ago, some light make up, etc. http://imgur.com/5Ex4dXr) 

But I can't seem to get over the hump of actually presenting female outside of the house.  I was trying to figure out why some women choose to remain in male mode so that it may somewhat help me understand my own reason or motivation, and what my fear is, exactly.

And I'm guessing you presented as female long before you started hrt?

I went two years HRT without transitioning to full time RLE... then abandoned the lot. Stopped HRT, threw away my clothes, cut my hair, went into denial for another twenty years. At the time I had a lot of fear about whether I would be accepted if I came out to family and work and then tried to live full time as a woman, I also thought I would struggle financially.

Beyond "I'll do HRT for two years and then go full-time" I had no game plan for RLE/social transition and when it came to the crunch I pressed 'abort' instead. I had believed I would just drift into RLE/FT social transition; problem was, I felt more fear the more that moment seemed likely to materialise. I kept thinking I'd know when I was ready, but I wasn't confident enough in myself for that to ever really happen and I just kept creating more and more conditions I felt I needed to pass/achieve before I'd be ready. On reflection I think I needed to acknowledge I could do it and say "this is where I jump in"...

Aborting my transition was the right thing to do at the time, I just needed to really get clear about what I wanted. Of course, that ended up taking me twenty years. This time I was much more emotionally prepared and in a better financial situation, plus I knew what I wanted... pass or not, I wanted to live as a woman, be seen as a woman and accepted as a woman and there was only one way that was ever going to happen... full time transition. I expected I'd do HRT for a year, but then I realised I was ready for full time at nine months and jumped in... that included dealing with my previous 'stumbling blocks' - telling my family and my colleagues/work. It was mega scary at the time, and outing myself to my family hasn't been without its drawbacks...but the payoff was that I am now doing what I really wanted to do, living how I wanted to as the person I wanted to be...and I was loving it from DAY 1.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is... be on HRT as long as you need to be, go full time when you feel the moment is right but try to avoid not having a plan for that moment. If you think you're not ready "because this" or "because that" then you may never feel you are ready and you potentially risk depriving yourself of the opportunity to break through and jump in and be who you want to be.

Quote from: Aeirs on December 28, 2016, 12:32:56 AM
I didn't think you can get srs before RLE how did you do that?

Wonderful transition without any RLE
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=209027.0

Its not common to do things like this, to the point where people think its not possible at all. You could even get SRS and not socially transition at all if you really wanted to.

Thank you Miss Grace, that was a beautiful write up and I am still reading and processing your wonderful message.  Thank you for writing this.

Quote from: winterkat on December 28, 2016, 12:48:06 AM
But I can't seem to get over the hump of actually presenting female outside of the house.  I was trying to figure out why some women choose to remain in male mode so that it may somewhat help me understand my own reason or motivation, and what my fear is, exactly.

I'm not doing it because of family and money. I have considerable fear as well, but I think (hope) its the first two that are blocking me at the moment. I don't think what I'm doing is sustainable much longer.

I'm always reminded of this post. This not the way I wish to live the rest of my life.

A strange but lovely meeting - I ended up crying so triggers
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=189165.5