Quote from: Iliana.Found on January 10, 2017, 10:48:32 AMMy head was in the area of men like women, mostly, so if a man wants to be with me, then that must mean that I am female looking enough and I pass enough that he sees me like any other woman. So it validates what I always felt I was and continues to do so.
Then I realized why I began to become attracted to males, reason above, and thought hmmmmm that doesn't seem like the whole picture. I'm missing something. SO I opened my closed mind again and found that I love the female figure much more than a man's as far as attraction goes. I believe I pushed these feelings away because I would feel more womanly being with a man when in fact being with either doesn't make me anymore of a women than what I am.
Whether it's lesbians or straight men who find you attractive, it's going to be validating, though to be honest just being found attractive by anyone at all is extremely validating, gender implications aside.
However, the power of the gender implications shouldn't be dismissed, either. Because that certainly feels very
very good. And because we live in a heteronormative society, I think there's a special appeal to being found attractive and being in a relationship with a straight man, because it's such a relief just to feel
normal.
But these are not the same as
erotic attraction on our own part. And, I dunno, I think hormones can affect that (though not always) because we can give off and respond to different pheremones differently, and I think SRS can affect it as well, just in terms of what "feels good" down there.
Quote from: HappyMoni on January 10, 2017, 01:35:30 PMSophia I see why you say HRT might have a big influence especially when you stated that things changed for you during your transition. The idea of just wanting the label of heterosexual sex doesn't seem as likely. We like what we like no matter the label.
To be clear, it's not the label I find erotic, it's the
act of heterosexuality that turns me on. Like, watching gay or lesbian porn really doesn't do it for me, it never has. It's the frisson of a man and a woman that revs me up.
QuoteI am motivated to understand this because I want to stay with my wife. The fact that my attitude toward men is more like seeing them through binoculars than a microscope now, made me a bit nervous. Like how far does this outlook change go?
It's impossible to predict, Moni.
And it's impossible to predict how your wife is going to react, either. If she's already solidly bi, that's certainly better for you, and if you are too, then you probably won't have a problem.
But you might also, after healing from bottom surgery, find yourself in the position where you just have to know what it's like to have sex with a man. It's a distinct possibility. It might not turn out that way. But it happens often enough that it's something you and your spouse should talk about.
My partner during transition was strictly monogamous. As soon as I was
kissed by a man, she was done with it, she was through, especially as by that point I'd already made it clear I didn't want to have kids. But this was ultimately for the best. The way it was shaping up, she was always going to be
the woman in the relationship -- the one who could get pregnant, the one who would stay at home with babies, and I was always going to be some "other" woman... at best. And this, despite her best intentions. It was ultimately a gift to us both that the relationship ended. Even if we
had discovered lesbian sexual compatibility...
...because I discovered I also had to find out what it was like to be in relationships (sexual and otherwise) that weren't haunted by a trans narrative. But that's another matter entirely.
