I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years. The first couple of months we had just sex and intercourse. But I was bored, I was always pansexual and he is gay. I wanted to diversify our sex life and offered him the role of a girl in bed, he agreed. Every evening he was to wear women's clothing and have it really turns. After some time, he began to wear and women's clothes at home in the daytime. He just liked to wear it. About eight months ago, I again began to look for novelty and decided to persuade him to use female hormones. To my surprise, he agreed. I thought it would last only 2-3 months, and then he had to stop taking. Now after more than 7 months as it takes female hormones. There was a change in his body, especially in the chest area. He now has big nipples and breasts began to form. He says that he likes it, and he became more sensitive in terms of emotions. I change it both pleased and frightened. In Polanyi sex turns me on. For I have started the process... It turns out I kill his manhood ((

And he does not present himself as a woman but he wants to outwardly look more like a woman.

Not sure what to say... but interesting

However your boyfriend got started I trust you can respect them and recognize their right to self determination.  I seriously doubt anyone transitions without being more than a little in the Transgender realm.  His manhood may be expressed in very different ways or could have been less important to begin with?

What do they want, what makes them feel right, real and authentic?

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 01:38:41 PM
His manhood may be expressed in very different ways or could have been less important to begin with?

What do they want, what makes them feel right, real and authentic?

Yes, he does not leave his old hobbies and habits. He still loves to cheer for your favorite team, playing cards and video games, interested in politics. However, he did enjoy the shopping and the creation of style in the women's way.

He likes to be refined and more elegant. Acceptance of female hormones he says opens him a new perspective on things and he enjoys it. Plus he's really going to get a woman's figure. That's what I do not understand ... For he is not going to live as a woman in the fullest sense of the word.

Also notice that I get turned on his chest increases and softer skin. At least in the moral sense it scares me and worries.

There are transgender people who transition medically without being out socially.  There are completely individual perspectives that may have to do with concerns about employment, acceptance or group identity.  Many TG people find that a difficult limbo place to remain.

i have been with more than a few gay men who have admitted to attractions, desires and experiences that suggest it can be more about hearts than the available parts.  More and more young people simply pass on the labels and live the way they feel.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on January 16, 2017, 12:23:59 PM
Not sure what to say... but interesting

nothing to say... lol

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 02:17:52 PM
  More and more young people simply pass on the labels and live the way they feel.

Your arguments sound very weighty.

Quote from: The thing on January 16, 2017, 02:45:25 PM
Your arguments sound very weighty.

Not trying to get too heavy but you know, whose life is it?  Do we let one person or the masses decide our fate?

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 03:11:18 PM
Not trying to get too heavy but you know, whose life is it?  Do we let one person or the masses decide our fate?

Yes, I understand. But it so happened that I was the trigger process. Because I feel responsible for the choice of partner.

First, I would suggest to stop "persuading" him to do anything...you can suggest (once), but after that it can be seen (by him) as a threat to the relationship.

"If I don't "be the girl", The Thing might leave me!"

"If I don't take hormones, The Thing might leave me!"

Etc.

If you're concerned about his manhood, you can ask if he wants to go back to his original body...if he says yes or no, accept it as his answer.

Now having said that...if there's no controlling or abuse issues, I wouldn't think a man would take hormones simply to please another person, because it affects so much--as you noted, his skin is softer, breasts, different perspective, etc. If you don't have these issues, you did not trigger his transition. He is responsible for his choices. This suggests to me that he is trans...but as you've read already, there's an entire spectrum of variables and outcomes.

Ask your partner what he wants (and find out what pronouns--he, she, ze, ihr--are preferred).

And a question for you: if your partner continues with hormones, would you be comfortable with that? How about dressing as a woman outside the bedroom, to the store, football, etc? Would any of that change for you?

Good luck with this, hoping for the best!

I don't, of course, know either of you but I think you might be overly generous about responsibility?  We are talking about an adult, right?  And they can get on this site too and maybe ask questions or explore some?  It's not like you are turning them on to meth or heroin

We sometimes even print the words "Trigger Warning" on incendiary posts but that suggests we are being sensitive to possible responses.  I imagine you are also being sensitive to your boyfriends needs and perhaps discovering more about each other in the process.  I think for most of us it is a futile effort to try and put this genie back in the bottle once she has tasted freedom. 

In a clinical sense gender dysphoria may be one strong indicator of being transgender and then some folks claim to have little or none of that too.   Does your partner not seem happy going this direction?

There are options to stop transition that people do exercise.  Being on HRT may have impacts on our relationships, libido or ability to get/keep an erection that can impact intimacy that give us pause.  Reading the small print and getting better informed is so easy now and you have already started right here.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 16, 2017, 03:27:43 PM


And a question for you: if your partner continues with hormones, would you be comfortable with that? How about dressing as a woman outside the bedroom, to the store, football, etc? Would any of that change for you?

Good luck with this, hoping for the best!

Yes, I need to know my partner better about the plans.I am in principle willing to accept in any form. I doubt that all the friends will be glad to see the new look.

Thank you!

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 03:37:11 PM


In a clinical sense gender dysphoria may be one strong indicator of being transgender and then some folks claim to have little or none of that too.   Does your partner not seem happy going this direction?

There are options to stop transition that people do exercise.  Being on HRT may have impacts on our relationships, libido or ability to get/keep an erection that can impact intimacy that give us pause.  Reading the small print and getting better informed is so easy now and you have already started right here.

He does not have gender dysphoria, I asked.

Yes we both are aware of the impact on potency. But he was always a passive position in sex. In addition, he does not want to have children.

Quote from: The thing on January 16, 2017, 04:10:05 PM
Yes, I need to know my partner better about the plans.I am in principle willing to accept in any form. I doubt that all the friends will be glad to see the new look.

Thank you!

Yes, you two may experience some social changes if coming out.  I have always been queer as well as TG and the community knew me as gay or bi before my gender transition.  Darned if I don't get any more invitations to the Gay Mens Potluck anymore and some friends who are lesbian don't see me as a member of that club either.  Identity politics and affiliations are just some of the challenges of being out.

We had a conversation. He said that he would continue his journey toward feminization. Partner has even thought of surgical correction of the face. Said realized that combines the male mind, but a woman's heart. He confessed that he wanted to go out as a woman in society. However, you can access it like a man, because he is still the same person. He says that he develops femininity, but is going to keep the masculine. For me, all this is strange. Some things are mutually exclusive.

I think your partner may be part of growing awareness of gender as a spectrum or of many different gender identities.  The old classic narrative may still fit the majority of people who transition to a binary place, female or male.  Others like me consider the current term Non Binary and in my personal situation i feel like some kind of hybrid or amalgam of genders.  It can seem complicated even to those living and traveling this path.

We have had discussions here regarding the question "are you the same person after transition" with a nice variety of responses.  My answer is no. i am a very different person than 5 years ago and what a relief!  Our memories and experiences don't disappear but our perspectives and expression can feel like a whole new life.

My partner was very certainly helpful in getting me out of the trans closet.  Quite a ride you may have helped get rolling eh?

this seems to me great! hope you are happy and i am happy for both of you.

Yes, thanks to your advice, I decided to fully support partner along the way. Maybe he will change his ego on a woman's what you're all the time implying. Wait and see.

Hopefully we'll be fine)

It's been quite a while... So, I need to report the news of the last few months. My partner continues to feminize. She takes estrogen, did orchiectomies a month ago. But plans to save the penis, she explains it by wanting to save some of the male nature. It continues to remain ambiguous. Although outwardly more and more female look. Breast reached a size of 34 b changed gait and facial expression... She's still thinking about facial plasticity, but she's not sure yet.

Hey TT thanks for checking in and giving us an update.  So you are still together and she is experiencing even more changes.  I consider it smart to have had an orchiectomy.  For those of us who know this is permanent, the reduction in medication needs is reason enough.  There are huge numbers of trans folks who favor or have an androgynous appearance too.  Does she talk about any specific goals?

It sounds like a successful transition for both of you so far?  How are you two feeling about all these changes?