Didnt know if this is the correct place for this but here goes. My name is now Jaime ( birth name James) and I have been struggling with gender identity since I was probably 9. Was surrounded by mostly girls in my neighborhood loved playing with Barbie's. I used to steal my neighbors (Becky) clothes and 1 blue jean dress. I know i was a bad boy but I couldn't exactly buy them. I would wait for my parents to go to sleep and I would put on my moms makeup and Becky clothes and sneak out my window and roam my neighborhood smoking. Could've been caught so easily but never was.
That transitioned into my first sexual experience while in women's clothes with another guy.
Anyway I got married and conformed as society and my parents wanted.
For many years ive been miserable and fighting these urges by diving into light bdsm and even femdom with my wife.
Ive started read in several MtF blogs here and there over the last 6 months and more and more ive realized that this is what's been my issue for so long.
I feel like for the first time I can say im relieved.  I called a Trans friendly therapist/counselor who has experience writing letters for cross-sex hormone treatment and gender confirming surgeries, based on WPATH Standards of Care. I'm going to be seeing her within the next two weeks.
Im anxious, exited and nervous that im starting this journey.
I have two looming "outs" to make 1 to my wife (whom I partially outed myself to 5 years ago) and who also blew me off saying I didnt carry myself, act or look gay at all. Feeling unheard I put my head down and the struggle continued until now. Im done being miserable, stressed and suppressing my feelings. Second to my 10 year old son. I can't imagine saying son daddy is still gonna be your daddy but im just gonna look like mommy with mommy parts. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry for the length of this but im known to write book type emails to get my points across. Bullets points leave to much gray area for me.
Thanks again for any advice on what's ahead of me....Jaime.

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Welcome to Susan's Place. For starters, for your wife, gender identity and sexual preference are not the same. If you wish to remain with your wife, your gender identity would be female and your sexual preference would be lesbian. This is pretty common on the site because about half the member remain with their wife through the transition and most of the rest would if they wife could deal with this.

As for children, they tend to be more accepting the younger they are but it's important for them to know inside you have always been this way. Tell them that you are not going to change as a person and you will always love them. I hope your family is accepting as it's very lonely to transition without them.

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Thank you.

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Congratulations on taking positive steps in seeking to live the life of your preferred gender, an issue that you have clearly been dealing with since childhood.

Quote from: Jane Emily on January 16, 2017, 10:16:56 PM
Congratulations on taking positive steps in seeking to live the life of your preferred gender, an issue that you have clearly been dealing with since childhood.

First step of many.

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Jaime,

Congratulations on taking the plunge and moving forward with your journey!

I hope you find your answers and are able to get everything you need all along the way.

:-) MissyG

Thank you.

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Not sure what you mean by therapist, but they need some specific qualifications to write SRS letters and have them accepted by surgeons.

Quote from: AnonyMs on January 17, 2017, 03:07:36 AM
Not sure what you mean by therapist, but they need some specific qualifications to write SRS letters and have them accepted by surgeons.

This is wise advice.

About your son - be careful saying that you are going to be "mommy."  No one can replace your wife (assuming the child is hers with you) as mommy DO NOT TRY!  The easiest way to alienate your wife is to try to take her role away from her son.

Just a note - SRS for a lot of us is one of the last steps in transition (some it's earlier) if ever.  I don't know if I'll ever get SRS (aka GCS).  There are so many other things you can do before that step.
Congratulations on the first step.

Hello Jaime,

I am glad you have decided to address the profound issues that confront you, but after I read your post a couple times, it sounds like, "I just figured out I was transgender so I guess I'll sign up for SRS."  I would politely suggest that you really need to think this through, and not make unilateral decisions that will enormously affect not only your life, but the lives of your wife and your son.

As Denise mentioned, SRS is usually the last step in a long, often painful, and always expensive path.  Virtually all insurance companies, and most surgeons in the US adhere to WPATH guidelines for SRS, namely living a year full-time as the gender you identify with.  Have you considered what that would involve, both personally and professionally?

Seeing a gender therapist is a wise first step. Your second step should be talking to your wife.  Your marriage belongs to both of you, and she deserves to know what is going on.  Lack of trust, and feelings of betrayal are often just as much or more lethal to a marriage than the actual transition.

With kindness,

Terri

I hear what your saying and perhaps in my letter I misworded what I was trying to say.
My first step is talking with the therapist. I just picked a counselor/therapist who has written letters for cross-sex hormone treatment and gender confirming surgeries, based on WPATH Standards of Care.
This is the first step, there are many steps in between and the final step is srs for me.
The letters are important for doctors (hormone therapy) and surgeons (srs at some point) alike.



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Jaime, good for you!

The WPATH Standards of Care do provide the best framework for a healthy, sane, progressive movement toward whatever relief most of us gender-variant people need, in my opinion and experience.

Again, I wish you nothing but the best of luck and  happiness as you move forward to whatever place it is you need to be for YOU!

Missy

Quote from: Denise on January 17, 2017, 05:06:55 AM
This is wise advice.

About your son - be careful saying that you are going to be "mommy."  No one can replace your wife (assuming the child is hers with you) as mommy DO NOT TRY!  The easiest way to alienate your wife is to try to take her role away from her son.

Just a note - SRS for a lot of us is one of the last steps in transition (some it's earlier) if ever.  I don't know if I'll ever get SRS (aka GCS).  There are so many other things you can do before that step.
Congratulations on the first step.

Never said I was going to be mommy, you may have misread what I wrote. I said I would look more like mommy with mommy parts. We all speed read and misinterpret things. I 've been guilty of that myself. Have a great day.

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From the time I started therapy sessions to the time I got my letter for GRS - about six years. I probably could have scrounged up the 20k for GRS, but I took advantage of Ontario health insurance that covers all the costs.
Six years may seem like a lot, but when you're learning to live a new life, electroylsis, making new friends, working etc., I'm thankful.

Quote from: Nina_Ottawa on January 17, 2017, 12:04:03 PM
From the time I started therapy sessions to the time I got my letter for GRS - about six years. I probably could have scrounged up the 20k for GRS, but I took advantage of Ontario health insurance that covers all the costs.
Six years may seem like a lot, but when you're learning to live a new life, electroylsis, making new friends, working etc., I'm thankful.

Thats what im doing..mnsure covers everything from what ive read as long as you have the letters from a therapist confirming gender dysphoria.
Did you wait until the hormones kicked in to start dressing full time?
Did you find salons helpful in teaching makeup and hair skills or did you phone a friend.
I know im stuck in my current state at least until I come out to my wife. Just trying get ideas...I guess


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You may start presenting when you are ready. Some start before HRT and others after. Makeup is what ever works for you. Most stores will teach you about makeup for the cost of what you buy. Other have a wife or girl friend teach them the basics. The hairdresser who cuts your hair will teach you how to handle it and normally can sell you products to care for it. We have several areas of the site where these topics are discussed and "Beauty" is the most common place for that.

Quote from: jgravitt01 on January 17, 2017, 04:15:27 PM
Thats what im doing..mnsure covers everything from what ive read as long as you have the letters from a therapist confirming gender dysphoria.
Did you wait until the hormones kicked in to start dressing full time?
Did you find salons helpful in teaching makeup and hair skills or did you phone a friend.
I know im stuck in my current state at least until I come out to my wife. Just trying get ideas...I guess


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I started presenting as female from the 3rd therapy session...even though I had t even started electroylsis. Electrolysis was about 80 hours or so.
To be honest, hormones didn't really make much impact on me. Maybe it's because I started at age 42...I don't know.
I've always said that I would have transitioned regardless of hormones and spiro. IMO, hormones did not make me a woman, but how I presented myself.
As for salon, yes, I did get a great stylist, but like everything from when I first started transitioned, I've let things go.
As time wore on, I wore less dresses, heels, makeup, jewellery, etc.
Now, I just wear jeans most of the time, my hair is usually in a pony tail, and I don't wear makeup but once a week...if that. I haven't worn a dress or heels in 3 years when I attended a wedding..

Ok so I bit the courage bullet and went shopping today and purchased my first pair of jeans size 17. After putting the on I realized I have no butt.
I also bought two set of push up water based pads a c/d cup and a b/c cup. I placed them inside each other and then put them in my bra. Just starting out they looked ok. I need some better solutions once I start dressing as myself part to full time. I just wasn't happy with the way they looked under my shirt. Suggestions?


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I used to use balloons filled with bird seed before HRT gave me some natural endowments.

Quote from: Jane Emily on January 20, 2017, 09:49:53 PM
I used to use balloons filled with bird seed before HRT gave me some natural endowments.

Where did you get a wig (if you did) I was looking at them on wigs.com
Relatively inexpensive around $20.00
Also curious about making some friends in my area but I truly dont know more than 15 people here. Is there an app or website to help me with that.


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