Hello all, as the dates are getting nearer I'm trying to find a really good way of coming out, and the only way I can think of is to actively educate those on how I feel instead of throwing myself under the bus for malicous and confused hate,

This is where I need you,

I'm writing an essay, it's the only way I feel I can come to terms with being 'out'. It also serves the cool function of not only being something to share with family, but something I want to make copies of and spread to my school or anywhere else for people to read it. The purpose of this thread is so I dont go around stealing people's words and putting it in something without their permission.

I want you guys to write something, hopefully short or as short as you can, about yourself and your experience with this. Why are you transgender? How did you reach this conclusion? How do you feel before and after? What physical and social challenges do you face? How do you feel generally speaking? Anything personal you have to say that you feel will contribute if you were to try to educate someone who doesnt know what it is. Older transgender people are in this as well, in fact I would like those who transitioned late in life to have their say. Younger people as well, I want to know how the struggle of not being able to transition yet or transitioning early, etc.

We have a big demographic of different kinds of transgender people and I want to give transgender people a voice besides myself.

If you are okay with it, write me something that I can put in an essay, and put the name you wish to be entered in there, or put anonymous.



Here's my essay for those of you wanting to see what I'm doing, or maybe would like to contribute/give me criticism on what I'm writing or how I'm writing:

https://www.scribd.com/document/336733013/The-Truth-about-Transgender-People-Work-in-progress

That appears to be a rather ambitious undertaking, good for you!  Being a person who is somewhat of a hybrid or non binary I might suggest there are many different genders and gender identities rather than just two polar opposites.  That does make things more complicated to explain or understand but it's still not rocket science.  We are born this way.  The largest and most recent transgender survey in the US came out with over a third of the respondents having a non binary gender identity.  It a real thing

I will look through some of my posts and locate a moldy oldy with relevance to share.  Keep it up, and poke me with a stick if I forget to deliver.

Quote from: Tessa James on January 16, 2017, 09:52:29 PM
That appears to be a rather ambitious undertaking, good for you!  Being a person who is somewhat of a hybrid or non binary I might suggest there are many different genders and gender identities rather than just two polar opposites.  That does make things more complicated to explain or understand but it's still not rocket science.  We are born this way.  The largest and most recent transgender survey in the US came out with over a third of the respondents having a non binary gender identity.  It a real thing

I will look through some of my posts and locate a moldy oldy with relevance to share.  Keep it up, and poke me with a stick if I forget to deliver.

I understand there are more than two, although not more than two sexes, the way I've learned to understand is these identities exist on a spectrum between the two based on varying physical traits. I wanted to write that in sometime, although in my essay I was focusing mainly on the transgender who go about changing their gender rather than the genderqueer/fluid who do or do not. i appreciate the input though, and I just remembered I've always wanted to make a reference to my "spectrum theory", in which one can easily be imagine it as one side black, one side white, and most people falling somewhere in the grey. Giving  what title or identity you may, as people tend to be hybrids between the two sexes.
I wanted to try to keep it simple, and I did not address sexuality or gender roles as much, although gender roles do play a role.

Thank you for the input, though! I appreciate it and I will try to find a clever way to explain that phenomenon to the layman, I agree it's important after all and I do have friends who identify as "genderfluid", for whatever reason that is. (but they make such good girls to me, though <3).

I will await any input you would like to give if you have it.


For anyone who's shy I just realized you can also PM it, although these forums tend to be anonymous enough since most may go by a pseudonym here anyways

My personal anecdote (I'm non-transitioning btw), of my self discovery was I knew, when I was horrified at the masculinity of catching the perpetrator who had just burgled our home, and utterly repulsed by its physicality and repeatedly being told what a great man I was, how I should be bragging about it, how I'd done my family proud, and all it makes me feel is ill. It didn't take me long to ask the question, if I'm not a man, then what am I.

Somewhere in between so it seems, after much soul searching.

Sno

I don't know how helpful I can be in this. But -

I have no idea why this happened to me. I don't want it to have, and I waited a long time to make sure that it really did, all while living what felt like half a life and being half a person. Not being able to do the same things in life as everyone else, as there is this invisible wall separating me from them and being able to do what they do, not even conscious but a fundamental barrier between me and them, and between me and the state of being relaxed about so many things. When you've lived all your life this way it takes time to realize what you're actually missing, and its a lot. You ask yourself if you should just continue on feeling incomplete and isolated until you die and then it'll all be over anyway, because it's easier that way. But why should you have to. If there's something you can do to try and fix it, why not do it. We only get one shot at life.

Physically I'm terrified of surgery, I probably won't be any better off socially, and I will end up nursing the "terrible secret" from almost everyone which doesn't appeal. But it's either that or never know if there was a me that was content, that didn't feel isolated, discarded, a misfit, and just abjectly uncomfortable in that skin every step of the way through life. If there was and I didn't find out, I'm more terrified of the regret I would have on a deathbed. I did find out something thus far - I'm not a wallflower, I'm not shy, I'm not retiring and ashamed and quiet and docile and unambitious. I'm the opposite of these things crushed into the body of something else that feels so damn wrong I was forced to be those things. It doesn't matter what happens now - I'm done with fear.

Hello WolfNight

You seem to be a highly expressive person, so why use other people's words, when those that matter are only yours?

My personal anecdote:  I wrote my letter - more on that in a bit - and had a brilliant and fascinating 18 months of transition from end-ot-end.  I managed every aspect of my transition rigorously and made all my decisions to suit myself.  My psychologists and surgeons were my collaborators and my friends, family and work colleagues were my support.

Here's a possible structure for your letter:  keep it short - 2 pages or so, rather than make it a stream-of-consciousness novella.  Nobody has time to read it, and you should keep the detail for a face to face meeting or something more personal.

The first half:  the past - how I have felt and for how long.  How this has hurt and conditioned me.  The present: why I am doing something about this now, and why it is of utmost importance for you, the reader, to help walk this walk with me.  The future - how I expect my future to look, a few years down the road, focusing on the positive.  What is my plan, and where do I want my transition to stop.

The second half:  think about the questions most people will ask, mainly the ones relating to your future success as a private and professional person.  How will I look?  How will I present myself?  What about my social role?  What does this do to my job and career, and what steps have I taken to ensure success here?  What about my current relationship or future relationship?  Your goal in this part is to show that you have thought about the main pitfalls and have candidate solutions to them.

I hope this helps.  Good luck!

Regards
J

Hi, WolfNight!

When I did this, for everyone beyond immediate family I wrote a short letter, really short, including a photo of myself and a link to the APA brochure on transgender people.

I had originally done something rather long, detailed, and rather cold and technical.  Some folks here pointed out how this read (poorly!), and that the response to coming out tends to be emotional.  With the help of another poster here at Susan's I did a second generation letter that summed up what was going on with me and invited others to ask questions.

The letter emphasizes that this is a medical problem (it is definitely that in my case) and I am receiving medical treatment from a group of professionals.   I emphasized that this is not a 'lifestyle choice', as that particular phrase was very popular  in some political campaigns that used transgender persons as scarecrows for their goals.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-old-friends-michelle-paquette?_mSplash=1&trk=prof-post

That's the generic version.  I slightly customized it for some groups that received it.


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I knew from when I was young. 5-7? Sitting in my bed at night thinking about how much I wanted to be a girl, and how as far as I could tell this wasn't the right thing to think. But still every birthday cake, every shooting star. My wish was always the same, please make me a girl?

Before I as most felt helpless and scared. I knew what I wanted to do but it was huge and unconquerable. It didn't just seem impossible but still deep down taboo. I was scared I'd lose everyone, scared I was mad, scared I was wrong, scared I'd never pass, scared I was too lazy and the task too hard.

After? What a ride! It took me years of strife and drama and hard living and crying hopeless nights but by god. I did it! And I regret nothing. Looking back I wish I had done it earlier but it was all part of the process in the end. Part of me and well, I rock! Now I feel me. Not complete but well, I did the one impossible thing in my life. Everything from here is a bonus!

If I could say anything to make people understand it's the old adage "No one chooses to be trans" but add that it is peoples choice to make it hard to be so.