I've read through a few people's experiences of coming out at work.  Seems like for many it's a two step process.  Coming out to HR and Managers first, then later coming out to co-workers and the "whole" company.  Would you agree?

Based on that, the real question I have is when did you come out to your employer?  When you started HRT?  When the changes got too difficult to hide?  When you switched to full-time?  I'd also be curious to hear what went well with that timing and what you maybe wish you had done differently.

Oh there is a 0% chance I'll ever come out at work. I'm a superintendent for a construction company. There is very little acceptance for trans let alone gay ppl.  Hiding the changes have been interesting. They sense something but it's been super easy to blame on my weight loss as I have lost 65 pounds. My skin has always been good even my hands never got rough from years of work. But the breasts are getting tough to hide.  But when I can't hide it anymore I'll be leaving my industry.

Lisa, I haven't come out at work yet but your approach is about right.  Depending on the size of your company you may also want to see if there are any LGBT groups that can assist and pave the way.  The company I'm with is a huge multinational with a very inclusive LGBT policy and zero tolerance for discrimination.  One day while trying to research the (transition) approach on our corporate internet I came upon an article written by a trans woman about her positive experience transitioning while at our company.  I sent her a quick email and she has turned out to be just the most Incredible and generous woman you can imagine.  Her life experience, advice and support has been invaluable....she has actually started conversations with HR about transition benefits on my behalf.  If you can find someone like that, you'll be much better off than merely talking to HR.


Kristina, I'm so sorry that you feel that it won't be a positive environment.  Is there anything to lose by attempting a transition at work if you already plan on leaving?

Good luck
Staci

Quote from: Kristinagl on January 20, 2017, 09:38:06 AM
Oh there is a 0% chance I'll ever come out at work. I'm a superintendent for a construction company. There is very little acceptance for trans let alone gay ppl.  Hiding the changes have been interesting. They sense something but it's been super easy to blame on my weight loss as I have lost 65 pounds. My skin has always been good even my hands never got rough from years of work. But the breasts are getting tough to hide.  But when I can't hide it anymore I'll be leaving my industry.

Isnt there a great deal of protections and seniority as a super intendant? That also sounds like a LOT of time invested to willingly walk away. =/

I came out the first time they asked me about the long hair and fingernails. Then I got them to start using Devlyn instead of Mike. It wasn't too long after that when I started wearing female clothes to work.

Hugs, Devlyn

You would think so but there is a reality that I am willing to face here is just a few facts

1: in order to do my job effectively I have to have ppl that are willing to work with me in an effective and efficient manner. IMO and I know this sounds bad but most men in my line of work are neanderthals and have no forward thinking as it comes to trans ppl and see us as a sideshow or freaks and are extremely homophobic. I'm must certainly am not saying everyone but a huge overwhelming majority. I have tested the water at see people's opinions on this. I'm extremely good at my job and I'm proud of that fact but if ppl don't want to work with me and do so fairly I'll never achieve the quality of efficiency I expect.

2: the owner of my company is extremely religious. He is a born again Christian and this goes against his values. Yes all he cares about is making money but his faith in his eyes doesn't accept me. And if I can't preform at my top hence reason one he will let me go. It's easier to replace 1 person then a lot of ppl. And now you may say well that's illegal...well in my world it's so easy to fire ANYBODY. It's the easiest business in the world to blame anything on a person. It's super easy to blame performance and or just a bad attitude. It would almost be impossible for me to fight and if you do you get black balled. It's a very small industry that I come from.

could I stay and make it work. Maybe. But I'm 100% sure it would be a very negative environment. But maybe I'm wrong but honestly I have never heard of someone that's trans last in the construction industry.

I'll just be happy to know when I leave I will have managed to have made it through and the whole time I have maintained better skin then any girl I know. don't ask me how  that possible it just is lol

I work in the UK with good legal protection and for a very LGBT positive employer.  Because some of my colleagues live near to my home,  I told HR quite early (last summer),  but won't be going full time at work till later this Spring. This is probably an extreme case,  but I like to be proactive.  I've been telling other team members over the last couple of months casually when opportunity arose.  I'm expecting a formal email to go out 2-4 weeks before full time.
I'll add this is all pre-HRT,  as I'm in the UK,  we only get that once we're out and full time...

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

I came out with help of my boss and when I changed my name legally.

Quote from: Kristinagl on January 20, 2017, 10:46:26 AM
You would think so but there is a reality that I am willing to face here is just a few facts

1: in order to do my job effectively I have to have ppl that are willing to work with me in an effective and efficient manner. IMO and I know this sounds bad but most men in my line of work are neanderthals and have no forward thinking as it comes to trans ppl and see us as a sideshow or freaks and are extremely homophobic. I'm must certainly am not saying everyone but a huge overwhelming majority. I have tested the water at see people's opinions on this. I'm extremely good at my job and I'm proud of that fact but if ppl don't want to work with me and do so fairly I'll never achieve the quality of efficiency I expect.

2: the owner of my company is extremely religious. He is a born again Christian and this goes against his values. Yes all he cares about is making money but his faith in his eyes doesn't accept me. And if I can't preform at my top hence reason one he will let me go. It's easier to replace 1 person then a lot of ppl. And now you may say well that's illegal...well in my world it's so easy to fire ANYBODY. It's the easiest business in the world to blame anything on a person. It's super easy to blame performance and or just a bad attitude. It would almost be impossible for me to fight and if you do you get black balled. It's a very small industry that I come from.

could I stay and make it work. Maybe. But I'm 100% sure it would be a very negative environment. But maybe I'm wrong but honestly I have never heard of someone that's trans last in the construction industry.

I'll just be happy to know when I leave I will have managed to have made it through and the whole time I have maintained better skin then any girl I know. don't ask me how  that possible it just is lol

If you dont mind my asking, Is this a Unionized environment? I also work in construction, often in a supervisory role.

If someone who's been producing for me for a long time suddenly stops with no good excuse, like you said before, its 'very easy to fire someone' in that industry. Light em up and call the hall for a new one. (They USED to call me the 'Terminator..')

From what I've seen, the 'owners' of companies are very seldom on site. The reason again that I ask if this is a union environment being, while they may he disapproving and hostile, they cant rightly dismiss one of their top dogs, without just cause without ending up with a grievance and having to rehire them/lose face with industry professionals themselves.

There is atleast one other trans persom working onsite with me that we know of. Ive never met her or seen her. (Probably wouldnt notice if I ever did.) She gets by just fine in the modern industry. Im hoping Im as fortunate. I doubt I'll ever be approached to be a foreperson ir leadhand again, or any supervisory capacity but the company, the country, and even my union, have protocol in my favor. If I have to remind them of their 'moral' (legal) obligations, I will.

On a humorous aside; my unions selected me to be a delegate and 'represent' us all with 3 other individuals at the leadership conference in Las Vegas in February Rofl

No unfortunately I don't work in a union. If it was unoin we would be talking a hole new story. Unfortunately I work in a very specialized field and it has an extremely small amount of ppl that do it. It's small enough that if I was to tell you what field it is you could track me down in a day. I may try to continue to run the division but I'm sure it would not be an enjoyable experience

I never came out at work -- it was a big company, I didn't want my story to spread like wildfire.  So I quit, and got a new job without any kind of narrative disclosure. 

Actually, I had a diferent experience than most here. At 18 I started presenting as a girl,  hadn't changed name yet, and was shy of 2 months on HRT. However, I began job hunting as my parents had threatened to kick me out. I went to interviews as a girl, nobody gave me second looks or commented, so I never told. If I was selected, I would tell and they were blindsided, never expected it and I asked them to be secretive about it, and that I was going to change my name soon. This is was all quite stressing but thankfully I did it, now I am 20 and studying to be a nurse.

I was scared to death to transition at work. I work for the DoD, which is a fairly conservative environment. Fortunately, it is also a place with strict adherence to rules and regulations, including EEO guidelines on LGBT inclusiveness.

Thus it turned out to be a blessing in disguise when a manager popped into my office one day and said, "You need to stop making personal calls of a medical nature while at your desk. In the future either go outside or find an empty office." I was shocked and confused. At first I had no idea what he was talking about,  but I soon realized this was about a call I took from my FFS surgeon on my personal phone. I had put it on speaker because it was still uncomfortable to press the phone to my ear due to my face lift incisions. Apparently one of my coworkers overheard, and complained to management instead of just addressing me.

At first I was very embarrassed and profusely apologetic, but when I got home and had time to think about it, I started to get mad. No one else is asked to go outside if they have to deal with a medical issue at work. This wasn't about personal calls, this was about me being transgender. I wasn't really "out" at that point, but I had changed my name on my government email account and had come back from three weeks of sick leave with a noticeably different and more feminine face, and I think people were connecting the dots.

In any event, I decided to go see the EEO counselor the next week, and I told her what happened. We agreed it was time to get out in front of this, so she helped me interface with management and we agreed upon a plan and a date for me to transition at work. I was already legally female (driver's license, passport, social security) so that helped. She drafted a memo, and management polished it up and sent it out to the department (about 180 people). It announced I was transitioning, my legal name, correct pronouns, and that I would be using the female bathrooms. It also reminded people I was still the same person and a valued member of the department.

The following week I showed up at work in full makeup and women's clothes. Everyone was great. No stares, no rude comments, and I even got a couple of supportive e-mails. I was so surprised how nonchalant everyone was. It was almost surreal.

It has been a few weeks now, and once in a while when I am sitting at my desk freshening up my lipstick I can't believe it's not a dream, lol.

~Terri

My experience was a little different. Shortly after begging HRT I started having personal conversations with some of the people I work with. Many of these people I had known for years. I showed them some pictures of me as my true self and told them I was transitioning. I had already obtained a court date to change my name and gender. A few weeks after I had begun to tell my co-workers I received a call from my HR department saying they had been hearing rumors that there might be some changes in my life. I went to meet with them and told them I was in fact transitioning. We set the date for when I would be full time which was a few weeks after my court date and coincided with my division's move to a new building. So 3 months after starting my transition I was full time. As far as I know there were no memos issued by my office about my transition and most people have been ok about it.

Recently I discovered that one of my co-workers was very uncomfortable with my transition and I now believe that she is the one who dropped the dime on me to HR.  She has privately told other co-workers that she didn't want to use the bathroom with a man and that she voted for Trump because of me. She is just going to have to grow up and realize that legally, physically and mentally I am a woman whether she likes it or not.

You're pretty much spot on with how I came out:  First contact with HR, then planning with upper management, then rolling out the news to the rest of the company/co-workers.

My experience went really well, so I consider myself very fortunate to have had the support I did.

As far as when, my transition seems to have been a series of lines to cross.  I would reach a threshold and stay there for a time, then begin going down the rabbit hole of depression, catching myself, then crossing another line until I was full-time.  I never set hard dates for anything and took things as I felt I was confident enough in myself to proceed further. 

For me, it worked anyway.  I'm here now!

I told my Operations Manager then HR in the same week. 5 months later when I went on HRT I told my supervisor. I fully came out at work 1 year 6 months after I told my supervisor. He held up my fully coming out about 8 months. I started telling people at work I am trans in the interim. I had a meeting with HR and him and shared that I was sharing I am trans and some other things. I picked a date when I would come out and express.

I look trans and am a Sr. Director of Facilities. I was on a high rise construction site Wednesday with my staff. We operate the campus and were doing training on a 25 story building coming on line in March. There were looks but I felt safe. I will be there weekly doing training for a few months.

I work for a hospital in Philadelphia which is very liberal in a liberal city.

I told my boss about a month before I went full time after about a year and half of HRT and when electrolysis was close to done.

I did not get dramatic changes, nor noticeable breast development from HRT, so people at work did not pick up on anything... but between what i did get, an an in-between hair style and neutral clothing, I was often taken as female by waitstaff at restaurants.

Had no issue when I did transition there... Worked there for another 11 years after that before I got laid off when the the company ran out of money.

- Karen

Self employment presents no problems, but if I do take a new direction in my career, I want transition to be over first and to pass 100% before dealing with an employer. It's just not something I'm comfortable having passed around, I tend to have enough issues without that when working with people.

I first confided with my immediate supervisor two months prior to gender reassignment surgery followed up the next day with HR department. The following week while in a meeting with 20 co-workers came out with my plans.

It's been two years now and the only significant difference in how I'm treated is I'm seen as female and nobody ever mentions my past unless I happen to do so.

I work at a spanish company for a british client, at the client's premises in London. I came out to my british immediate superior in august, then to my spanish manager in december.

My used-to-be immediate superior is now a couple of steps upper in the food chain—and he deserves it. Therefore I don't see him a lot, but sometimes we find 10 minutes to sit and talk. I try to keep him up to date because I know that I'll eventually be on medical leave for an extended period of time and it's nice for those who pay your bills to know.

My spanish manager keeps on making the same sexist jokes I don't necessarily agree with, but I like it because it shows that he is still the same person and he didn't change anything after knowing about my condition. I don't want people to change, I want people to be themselves.

I'll probably be out to a female coworker of mine who is going to be on maternity leave soon, so she won't have close contact with anyone else. She already knows that I like to paint my nails, and she likes that. I'll probably wait until she's off, which shouldn't take longer than 3 months.