I'm very confused as to how I can transition if I previously had an urge to be the "top" in a relationship sexually. But now I feel like I don't want that anymore since accepting and being happy with being trans... Get some thoughts of it sometimes but that's about it I want SRS but I ask myself why did I ever want to use my penis in a dominant manner if I'm trans but then I think of a lot of trans women who had kids who must have done the same ? Iv never actually had sex yet  could it be cause I'm not on hrt or blockers yet ?? I'd feel guilt if I did anything like that now being dominant I'd feel illegitimate. Sometime I think about it. Anyone else in the same boat ?

This was something I had long struggled with, especially after recognizing my own leanings as being submissive sexually.  It's completely possible for a male to be submissive or the "bottom" in either purely het sexual situations or in Dominance/submission (D/s) relationships.  I've often heard people describe the male role in sex as being dominant simply because of the mechanics of the penis performing the penetration, and the female being penetrated.  This is a false oversimplification. 

Before I recognized the nature and direction of my own feelings regarding gender, I absolutely enjoyed the pleasure of sex with women at times.  As I grew to understand myself, I accepted that I had always been trying my best, and haven't held myself guilty for past actions regarding sex.  I certainly wouldn't use that as evidence preventing my from moving forward. 

Erin

I agree with Dayta.  Your sexual preferences and gender identity are separate and distinct.

Quote from: Dayta on January 22, 2017, 08:13:40 AM
This was something I had long struggled with, especially after recognizing my own leanings as being submissive sexually.  It's completely possible for a male to be submissive or the "bottom" in either purely het sexual situations or in Dominance/submission (D/s) relationships.  I've often heard people describe the male role in sex as being dominant simply because of the mechanics of the penis performing the penetration, and the female being penetrated.  This is a false oversimplification. 

Before I recognized the nature and direction of my own feelings regarding gender, I absolutely enjoyed the pleasure of sex with women at times.  As I grew to understand myself, I accepted that I had always been trying my best, and haven't held myself guilty for past actions regarding sex.  I certainly wouldn't use that as evidence preventing my from moving forward. 

Erin

So I shouldn't assume it's a reason to not transition or have SRS x?

My sexual orientation has not changed and I've been on hrt for 4 years 1 month. What has changed is the mechanics, I get turned off immediately if I'm treated badly and I'm not courted properly, just like a female. HRT for me, has changed sex for me, from more of a physical pleasure, to an emotional and sensual experience, if I connect.  I still put up a strong male façade though, due to my work/home environment, exhausting, and even makes me covertly cry, at times.

OP, I've learned in the past that to some people "top" is taken in a dominance/submission context while others refer to it as the insertive partner. I personally use the former so take it that way for my response.

I've principally been a bottom in mind set for a long time, however as the owner of an outie, our sex has been primarily PIV. My gf doesn't handle a strapon all that well and coupled with the difficulty of preparation for anal, we don't often play with her penetrating me. I know how to get her off and for the most part I'm thinking girl while performing boy for her purposes.

That's been more dysphoric since starting HRT, and in turn I've felt better about the plan to go for GCS this spring. I'm by no means certainly that being the receptive partner with my gf is going to work perfectly, however I know from experience that it's a lot easier as the insertive partner to have good PIV sex than PIA, so I'm hopeful. I also know I'll be more attractive to lesbian women post transition and as my gf and I are poly, that's an available option.

So I think I can relate to your dilemma and that's how I've been dealing.

Although, it's true for the most part your Sexual Orientation remains the same, even after starting Hormones. I use to not like guys, but my opinions of them has changed recently. I don't understand it - like I don't believe I'm attracted to them at all. But again there are some impulses like saying, "Am I Bi-Curious?"

Wouldn't say people's sex prefs always have a whole lot to do with transition or their gender role. Or that transition should dictate your preferences.

There's a major part of my mind that really doesn't like what it thinks of as submission, but the right person can override it easily.

Quote from: Kylo on January 22, 2017, 03:38:20 PM
Wouldn't say people's sex prefs always have a whole lot to do with transition or their gender role. Or that transition should dictate your preferences.

There's a major part of my mind that really doesn't like what it thinks of as submission, but the right person can override it easily.

I'd have to second this though. Simply because it reminds everyone is a Switch to some extent. It just depends on the right partner to change you.

I would fall into the same part of the spectrum as Erin; oriented towards females, while being a definite 'bottom' even when being male.  I managed to startle partners a few times by rolling over to be bottom and wrapping my legs around their waist, an odd blending of inner gender identity and role with orientation.


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Quote from: Michelle_P on January 22, 2017, 06:09:39 PM
I would fall into the same part of the spectrum as Erin; oriented towards females, while being a definite 'bottom' even when being male.  I managed to startle partners a few times by rolling over to be bottom and wrapping my legs around their waist, an odd blending of inner gender identity and role with orientation.


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I know exactly what you are describing here.  Looking back I think that was one way I was able to cope wigh what I was feeling!!