Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

I feel that the time of my coming out is near and I need advices please!

Started by Luisa_2u, January 29, 2017, 02:43:34 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Luisa_2u

Ok, I'll give some background about myself and I'll ask advices on this. I'll try to rush things to not make this an long and tiring text. (sorry for my english, I don't know english very well)

I'm 23 year old, going to 24 this year. I do not work and I'm a university student. I have scholarship. I live with my mother and stepfather. Both are the best parents that anyone can have. They are religious and they are homophobic and transphobic. But I do think that they can accept me well. My biologic father live near as he is now retired from the army. I get allowance from my father. I'm on 2 public tender (this the correct term right?), and still waiting the results. One of them I was on position 12 and they called the 1st to 10th position.  :(
The other one I still need to do the tests. I want to work, but not on anything. I want to work on these 2 jobs because I like the role of these jobs.

I had some disagreement with my father as he said he's not going to give money to me anymore, things resolved and he stepped back on this.
My parents in my house support my studying and don't want me to worry about working. My father annoys me saying I'm a vagabond and so on. I said to him that if he's giving money to me just to buy me anyhow, like I need to be his slave or something like this or that he can say whatever he wants to say, to stop giving money to me. As I said before, he stepped back.

Recently I really feel the rush to transition. My initial plan was to transition after university whit the money of my working. But I can't wait anymore.
I already bought some panties, sport bras, and I want to keep going and buy more female's clothes. I plan to start HRT this year. I'm trying to rush on this too. Thing is, if I was to transition, it will be with my father's money. I fear on have to stop transitioning halfway the road.

I feel that the time for everyone to know about me being trans is coming near. My drawer is full of panties, and I threw away lots of my underwears. anyone who opens my drawer will see my panties.. lol
And I do feel like coming out, I can't hide this any longer. But I'm scared doing this. I don't know why I'm scared. I know things will not get all that bad, but still scared.

Please give me some advices on this, it can be anything. I just want to come out as peacefully as I can.
  •  

DawnOday

Tell your parents, they were able to live their lives how they wanted. They had that choice. Now it is your turn to make a choice. Don't wait 40 years like I did. 


Dawn
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



  •  

Floof

Well if you feel its time to take the plunge, and that your parents can handle it then I suppose its time to just woman up and do it. If there are any clinics that handle transition within range of you -and you haven't been there yet-, I would strongly recommend you seek it out and have some conversations with them about your situation, and what you want for yourself.

Best of luck <3
Reisen er lang, hard og full av farer; vær modig mine brødre og søstre <3




SRS w/ Dr. Chet May 12th 2017
  •  

Tessa James

It is good to hear that you are a student and that your mother and step father support your education.  I think being at a University is a wonderful place to find support for your "coming out".  Institutions of high education often have student groups and counseling support.

You might consider talking with your family about the subject of being transgender to understand more about how they currently feel.  I hope that their love and concern for you helps them to acknowledge you in positive ways.  Your ability to be calm and confident while sharing this new information may help them understand that your gender identity is a deep core part of who you are.  This is not a choice but an affirmation of your truth and I hope they recognize your courage in sharing this with them.

It may take time for them to understand and I hope you allow them time to change with you.  Good luck!
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
  •  

Luisa_2u

Thank's everybody for the support!
Maybe I am worried but there's no danger at all?

I'm stating to come out slowly. I try to feminize my voice and appearance. I got all my panties in my drawer. Sometimes I use tops under my shirts. So I'm almost like begging for someone to actually find out about me. But at the same time, I don't want the trouble having to explain lots of things they don't understand.
I think I'll follow my plan on transition with no one knowing until they find out for themselves.
  •  

Rachel_Christina

You really would be best to come out to them, it can be real help.
I believe in God myself, I don't push it on anyone and my way of looking at god and his teahings are very simple.
For your mom and step dad having you explaining some things  really could help.
Remember god taught us not to judge others, and to show compasion to those different to us, sometimes even the most apparently bad things have ther reasons
We as humans cannot comprehend for one second why people are the way they are, and why god laid out these paths for them. Why someone bron male would feel female inside none can truly understand. Its not fair, it sucks but it has a purpose. Maybe it teaches you something about who you are and who you want to be in life, maybe it will teach your parents about themselves and teach them compassion. Those who simply brush of people who are different, are brushing off what god taught us, these people often pick and choose what they want to hear to suit their own way of life and what they believe.
This could all be a big load for those who don't believe, but even so things happen for a reason, who causes these things or why doesn't really matter.
I have never read the bible,but I had some important people teach me certain things that i never forgot.
Things will happen that we disagree with, we must not dwell on it and move on and improve ourselves as people.
We will not understand god, we must smile and be happy knowing evrything will be alright if you beiieve.


  •  

Sophia Sage

We will do what we need to do.

However, I think it would be wiser for you to wait to tell your family, given you've said that they are homophobic and transphobic, probably for religious reasons. 

It is quite possible -- though by no means certain -- that your father would stop the flow of money necessary for transition.  Likewise, that your mother and stepfather might kick you out of the house if you don't conform to your expected gender.  Of course it's always possible that everyone loves you enough to overcome their prejudices, but many people who've transitioned found out the hard way that this isn't always the case.

You have a plan for transitioning on your own -- finish University and go forward -- and this is a good plan.  So if you're going to come out now, instead, what is your plan if everyone opposes you? 
What you look forward to has already come, but you do not recognize it.
  •  

Yanira

I suppose the question ultimately boils down to how much do you think your close family loves you and will therefore suppport you?

Though they may be in for a surprise, most parents more or less unconditionally love their children and want for them to be happy. Yes, at first it may go against what they believe in, but I believe people are adaptable in their beliefs when the lives of their loved ones under go changes.
  •  

Luisa_2u

It was not a long time ago when I created this topic, but to me it was a long time ago. Things with my father is really complicated. I don't want to go in details but he is passing a difficulty time here. He was far away from everyone for a long time and now that he's back things are hard for him. He is very sad on things that happened recently on his life and I fear one more item will be added to his weight. Me being trans.
I recently bought a bunch of clothes and a dress is one of them. I have some panties and 2 sport bras, and to wash is not hard. I just hand wash them and get it to dry in my room. But do get a dress to dry in my room is something else. And then, I'm planning going to university with these clothes, so I think the time is drawing closer and closer.
I don't feel like doing something wrong so I keep pushing myself on doing it. I can't hide my clothes because there's nothing wrong on this. I plan coming out to my home family on the day I get my hands on my clothes. Maybe the day I actually use the dress. Honestly,  I don't know how to do it , but I will do it.
About the money issues, I'm getting a job with my stepfather. He's a baker and he will teach me how to be one too. So maybe it's my chance! Wish me luck.

Thanks everyone for the support on this topic.
If someone wants to give me advice on the best way to come out to my family it would be good, as I'm with no ideas so far.
  •